@Waiting2exhale Thank you for the motivation! This is not something I experience daily but I do experience it a lot through out school. Physically, I am perfectly fine nothing wrong with me. Psychologically, I don’t know. I think I am ok but am stressed out. I may be a little bit depressed but I’m not sure. I have times when I just start thinking about racism and it makes me angry and I get pissed off. I am not suicidal/ having thoughts of killing myself or anyone. My parents told me they moved to where I live because of the education. I used to live in the capital of a state in the south but moved to a white suburb about 7 years ago. My parents can’t move now because unfortunately, they are divorced. I have told my parents numerous times that I want to move. I told them about what I was going through but their response was tell a teacher or an adult figure or stick up for yourself. I chose to stick up for myself. Telling a teacher though or an adult figure won’t solve the issue because it is not just a few kids that are racist, the whole school is divided! All the blacks in the school sit in one area during lunch. I was thinking about joining them butI don’t know if they will accept me because they are all juniors and seniors while I’m only a rising sophomore. The teachers at school don’t like me either (some). One teacher asked me if I cheated on a test because I got a 100 but another person who was white, also got a 100 and wasn’t asked if cheated. I did very well in the class, maintaining an a average throughout the year. The light skinned blacks treat me like shit too. It’s already hard enough not to be accepted by people because of your skin color but it gets even harder when even your own people won’t accept you because you are dark skinned. This one light skinnedI know in my grade is always making dark skinned jokes about me. The thing is I’m not even that dark skinned lol. If they think I am dark skinned they should go see the people who live in Sudan who are jet black. Who else can I fight this battle with? Im an only child so I don’t have any brother or sister to share my experience. I used to be a Christian but lost all faith in God so Jesus can’t fight with me. My parents can’t fight with me either so who is going to fight this battle with me? I live in one of the most racist states in America thats borderline to Alabama. I am certainly proud that I am dark skinned. People can try to belittle me all they want by calling me names like burnt pancake or calling me ugly but I’m proud being dark skinned. I don’t think I’m ugly, I think I’m pretty attractive. Sorry for this being really long.
You have not joined the other Black kids in this segregated eating situation because, I take it, you were in friend groups (or so it felt) with others and you had no sense of needing to inculcate yourself away in the smaller group. You are now feeling betrayed and understand yourself to be beset upon by not just the white students, but also unfairly singled out by your classroom teachers.
I can see how approaching the Black kids, especially with the sense of anxiety about the grade and age differences, seem to complicate things. They may resent you for having not considered ‘dining’ with them until this point in time.
This is going to be such a long haul for you, and I really don’t think it healthy, or safe, for you to wade through all of this alone.
Following the advice so many have given here to stick with your studies and succeed there, giving yourself options for college that will take you away from that place is certainly one thing you will be called upon to do if you are to get to a better place (literally and figuratively).
You could consider making an application to boarding schools far from home. Of course, this is not an inexpensive route to take at all, even with the considerable funding that many boarding schools are able to offer to students and families. But there are always exceptional instances in life, where putting forth the effort yields a tremendous outcome.
Still, your situation seems nearly untenable. Are you aware that if you can quietly document blatant racist acts and record your impressions of other, bigoted instances that you can call on both local organizations, news outlets, local activists and civil rights groups to come to your aid? You can seek remedy for some of the targeted classroom behavior by your teachers by filing a complaint with the proper offices, following protocols. After you have made written notice to your principal, and then the superintendent of your school district, your complaint could rise to the level of your state education department’s compliance office. The compliance office must hear your complaint and charges, investigate all you have said, and render a decision regarding their investigation of your complaint.
But I really do not see how you can do this alone. One by-product of your complaint going beyond CC would be the larger voice of the community joining your fight, assuming there are voices beside your own.
One other by-product of the complaint going beyond this thread would be the impact to your family, and of course, to you at the school.
There is so much for you to consider, so much that I do not think it should be yours alone to consider.
“@intparent I will have to wait to do that until August cause I just got out of school last wednesday but i will take it into consideration. How have you dealt with racism?”
@intparent: “I am not a minority…”
Really?
@Waiting2exhale, what is your question?
How does one answer, “How have you dealt with racism?” with a flat, implied, ‘racism is a thing that other people have to deal with. I’m not one of those other people’ response?
Your instances with racism, have you at anytime felt yourself to have been conscious of them, do not need to fit into the framework of your being non-white.
Your comment doesn’t make sense in the context of the OP’s question to me and the response I gave. I did not want to give the OP the impression that I have had significant experience with being in a minority group, at least not a group that is treated poorly under the umbrella of racism. But really prefer that you not derail the thread with sarcastic comments. I’d like to help and support the OP, and presume that is your goal as well.
@Waiting2exhale Thank you for informing me about all that. As of right now, I am not willing to take it that far but if I do have a very bad experience one day, I will definitely be willing to exploit the school. Yes, I had friends who backstabbed me. I will try to do well in school but like I said before, sometimes I go through some phases where Im just angry and stop caring about school. I think I just need to maintain a positive mindset.
There was nothing sarcastic about the comment to you, @intparent.
The OP did not ask for help with being in a minority group, and you deflected the direct question with something which said, yes, you have known there to be instances of trouble (though not the kind the OP knows), and then spoke to that instance briefly.
I get that you have a preference for how almost every thread you are in proceed, and can be a real resource for people when you chime in.
The question of how you have handled racism is certainly one that can be spoken to without your identifying as a minority.
There can be real benefits to hearing of instances of how someone who identifies, or is identified, as being in the power group of the majority has successfully responded to racially based bias and/or mistreatment. It could offer a powerful new examination of the sense of vulnerability and injustice that the OP is feeling.
How you navigated such a situation, if you ever have, is what the OP asked.
@ihatewhereilive : If you do have some friends - of any race- who you feel you are still able to mingle, hold on to that as a treasure. Yes, keep your spirits and your head up.
Your success in this moment is paramount. High school passes, and then there are all the boulders of adulthood you will push uphill. (Smile.)
You will find your stride, even in this place, if you have a few friends you can lean on, and places where you feel safe.
I wish you the best.
I did not interpret the OP’s question that way. And I think you are misinterpreting their question.
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
Closing thread. OP is no longer a member.