How do I make friends with your son & daughter?

<p>You need some emotional support while going though these bad times, and your mom does not seem to be able to provide it. Make an appointment TODAY to see a counselor at your school.</p>

<p>Great suggestions above. Make an appointment immediately with a counselor at school. You can do it! Please report back to us once some time has passed; we want to know that you're doing better. Good luck! There is nothing to be ashamed of; making friends isn't always easy or second nature.</p>

<p>Remember, it is ok to be upset still about the divorce. You may have some things to work out in regards to that. Having that added onto the usual adjustments to college is a lot. The counseling center my even have student support groups on that issue, depending on how large your college is.</p>

<p>Take care of yourself.</p>

<p>Please do seek counseling. That is why they are there and truly the posts that indicate you aren't alone are very accurate.</p>

<p>Try the "finding someone sitting alone at lunch and sit with them" thing and second the excellent advice to get a job, volunteer or find an ec that appeals to you. The outdoor clubs often seem to be full of friendly people and they do activities where bonds can formed easily like camping. Same with the theatre folk, especially those on crew. There just seems to be a natural friendliness that draws those people to those pursuits. I know there are others as well. Those are just the ones that spring to mind.</p>

<p>Best of luck to you!</p>

<p>There is a lot of good advice here and I hope you report back. Smile at people. Leave your dorm door open when you're there. Put cartoons/funny pictures and holders for pencils or bandaids on your door.</p>

<p>So sorry you are going through this. You are absolutely not alone. I want to concur with all of the parents who are advising you to go make an appointment at the counseling center first thing tomorrow. Not only will you receive support, but you may be able to work on some skills that will help you overcome your feelings of isolation. Some college counseling centers even have groups for students who are experiences the kind of feeling you describe (which should emphasize the fact that you are not alone in these feeling!) </p>

<p>If you are at all religious, I would advise you to find your religion's group on campus. Even if you aren't religious, there are often activities that just emphasize fun and fellowship. Religous groups on my children's campuses have activities several times a week, sometimes just a friendly dinner, study break, or service project. Even if the group doesn't seem super friendly the first time, go back and become a familiar face. If there is a minister/priest/rabbi connected to the religious organization, get to know him or her. S/he is there to help students. </p>

<p>If you feel comfortable sharing some of your interests or things you like to do here, we might be able to offer even more suggestions.</p>

<p>I also went through a similar situation and I emphathize with you. Some may not like my advice, but here goes.<br>
First, try to dress sort of like everyone else. I know, I know, BUT people DO make first impressions and try to take the When in Rome approach. If everyone is wearing polo shirts and flip flops, do the same.<br>
Next, you are not the only one floundering. Look around for other folks who are sitting alone or walking alone. Try taking a seat close to one of these types of persons, in class or in the dining hall, for ex., and without being too pushy, say hello and see where the conversation goes. You can do this a few times with the same person and sometimes it works out that you have established an acquaintance-ship or some such.
Third, some people like a study group or study buddy, so you can always see if anyone wants to meet in the library for an hour to go over Chemistry or what not. Choose a subject you are good at but act like you are concerned and want to study.
Fourth, if your school has intramural sports, sign up for one. Ultimate Frisbee is good. You don't have to be a stellar athlete.
Fifth, if you play guitar or want to learn, take your guitar down the dorm hall and see if anyone else plays and will show you how to tune it.</p>

<p>In other words, you need an activity to put yourself with some other folks.</p>

<p>I DO empathize with you. I spent MANY hours alone in the library until someone needed a person to fill up her volleyball team on an IM team and suddenly, I had friends and an activity and it really blossomed. So I think you will find your way with some concerted effort.</p>

<p>I don't see where you say whether you are attending a large university or a smaller college -- and if I missed it, I apologize. But I do think it makes a difference when it comes to breaking out from what might be the perception about you.</p>

<p>But first! Go see a counselor. And if you don't feel it click with the one you first see, make an appointment with someone different. It is not a one-shot deal, especially when you are feeling depressed. If you are finding it hard to be motivated, feeling overwhelmed or anxious.. these are NOT the things to ignore or even think they might go away on their own, friends or not. The thing that kind of sucks about Mental Health is that those who need the help often don't feel valued enough to seek it out. So.. first and foremost.. know you are worth every minute. Second.. start keeping a journal of sorts. Sometimes just getting your feelings on a page can purge them and help you to see openings.</p>

<p>Second: I am really sorry to say this, but your Mother is completely off base about the value of friends. However, she may just not have known WHAT to say and thought she was being helpful. Admittedly, sometimes I step in it big time.</p>

<p>Since you didn't say.. Did you have a lot of friends in HS? At the very minimum, most studies suggest that having even just one friend can make a world of difference. . More are great if you can find them, but truly only one is needed to improve things dramatically. Take everyone's advice above. What were your extracurriculars in HS... not only do you have experience in these, that experience gives you more foundation to speak up and not be a wall flower.</p>

<p>Lastly... College is a perfect time to reinvent yourself. While I might guess that you have already made an impression as someone who perhaps likes to be alone or is standoffish, you can change that. My ex-husband's roommate freshman year was this guy who just didn't speak. And the longer he didn't speak, the less we tried to engage him in conversation. Now, who knows if this was his intent, but the point is... sometimes all it takes is a leap of an "hello." By the way, how is your roommate? Do you even have one?</p>

<p>Please let us all know how you are doing.</p>

<p>Collegboi --</p>

<p>I can relate to your story in several ways. I have frequently struggled with friendships. I have rarely felt that I've been in place where I have "enough" friends. I've spent more time alone than I care to admit.</p>

<p>A couple of lessons I've learned, that have helped immensely:</p>

<p>1) If you want friends, be a friend. Stop thinking about yourself, or about what people think of you. Instead, think about them, how are they? Listen to them, pay attention. Don't take; give. Be kind.</p>

<p>2) I have found that I don't do all that well in purely social settings (bars, parties, gatherings where the only point is to gather). I have to have something to focus on, other than the social interactions. So I have always found that my best friends come from activities where I am engaged in something interesting: work, church, interesting activities. In those environments, meeting and getting to know people is both inevitable and quite natural. It just happens, but it's a by-product of doing something else. So join a club, something that you're truly interested in.</p>

<p>3) Several years ago there were studies done by psychologists on interpersonal attraction and friendship. The most important factors in determining whether two people would become friends: proximity and time. In other words, if you're around someone long enough, see them enough times, you become friends. As long as you don't do anything to really offend, that is.</p>