<p>My brother is a freshman and my parents have allowed him to be a B student for the past few years. At his age I was more of a B+ student and turned into an A student by 10th grade. Also at his age I was devouring books on my own and by my estimate, my reading speed was much faster than his. He plays two sports and I feel he has groomed my parents into thinking he's a B student, and that's the end of it. He doesn't have fire for school. My parents seem content with his B grades, e.g., after the marking period grades came out and he only had one A, he was still allowed to go have sleep overs with friends, even though he should be been studying. I try to help as much as I can with his study techniques but I can't force him, I can't ground him, etc. I'm worried that after I leave the house for college his grades will never get better, and will likely get worse. I have perfect scores in math and science and I feel like there has to be a way to put him on the right track before I leave this summer. He's not nearly as self reliant as I am and I think my parents will be in way over their head once he starts driving. I am seriously worried he will be a loser who ends up at a crappy college, taking 6 years to graduate with a communications degree or something.</p>
<p>I can see why your brother does not look up to you. Why would you want to look up to an older sibling who looks down on you? Rather than seeing his work as failings, you should praise him for his efforts and achievements.</p>
<p>Perhaps, you’re looking at this wrong. Why should your brother want to be you? Why should he want to follow in your footsteps? Are your footsteps worthy to be followed?</p>
<p>I actually understand OP. You see it as kind of not fair right? I’m in a similar dillema. When I got a single B in elementary school, my parents would make fun of me and yell. Yet my sister does it all the time and she gets rewarded for it. But you just have to realize that everyone’s different and your brother has a different talent than you that will make sure that he’ll be fine. And everyone ends up fine, no matter how bad it may seem now.</p>
<p>The first response said it all-your brother is not you. Everyone has their own life to lead and he appears to be doing just fine. For the record, B’s and an A or two IS just fine. You are not his parent, so back the heck off. Your parents seem to be doing a perfectly good job with him.</p>
<p>When you grow up, you will realize there is more to life than grades. I was, sadly, a lot like you and used to ride my younger sister for not being as academically inclined as me, little-miss-perfect-straight-A’s. Guess what? She had wisdom about her approach to life that it took me years and years to appreciate. There are a lot of different types of intelligence out there; being good at schoolwork is just one of them. </p>
<p>Anyway, you aren’t as bright as you think if you think that the only options in life are “Straight A student / perfect grades” or “loser in life.”</p>
<p>A B student allowed to have sleepovers with friends? The horror! </p>
<p>Sorry to tease, but your concerns are a bit silly. As the younger sibling always compare to the older, I made a decision not to even try things she was good at or known for. Too bad, as I’d probably have been pretty good at some of them. Most important thing you can do is for your brother is leave him alone. Your parents seem to have figured that out.</p>
<p>Mind my business? It’s my little brother. “He’s not me.” Correct, he’s not as self reliant. So you guys just let a 14 yo make their own life decisions? My parents don’t monitor his studying enough. He lacks discipline. And there’s zero punishment for his laziness. He even had a couple of C’s in middle school. That is unacceptable. I’m not trying to sound pompous or arrogant, I want to help. The only A he got was in gym. I find it hard to believe parents on a college forum write off their kids during 9th grade.</p>
<p>“Most important thing you can do is for your brother is leave him alone.”</p>
<p>Is this a joke? Leave a 14 yo alone…never encourage him to develop study techniques…never discipline him for laziness…let those B’s turn into B-'s and then C’s…let him go to a community college…he’s 14, he’s old enough to know better, huh?</p>
<p>Fyi, he’s a B student in non honors courses. If he was a B student in honors courses I’d probably let it slide. His schedule is easy, he simply doesn’t study enough. He lacks the fire because my parents don’t force the issue. They got lucky with me, but with him he needs guidance. Hands off approach with him will be troublesome.</p>
<p>You aren’t his parent. You can’t MAKE someone have fire, even if you are their parent. Punishment does not motivate a student. He will be fine. If he isn’t doing drugs, hasn’t gotten a girlfriend pregnant, and is staying in school with “B” grades, he is going to do fine. You won’t be supporting him as an adult, don’t worry. You are overstepping the boundaries of a sibling, IMHO, given that he is not in any danger or causing danger to others. Actually, the best thing you can do is set a good example AND not act like a jerk about it. Don’t belittle or pressure him, it won’t do any good. He may see that you end up with some things he wants, and decide to work harder for them. Or he may be satisfied with his own path.</p>
<p>Gotta tell you… some of those six year communications grads with sports connections end up doing very, very well in jobs like financial advisor, real estate, etc. He may out earn you someday.</p>
<p>You cant force someone to have fire. He has to realize there’s some payoff to working harder and getting higher grades. C’s get degrees works for some kids.</p>
<p>OK, OP, you have gotten the same advice from EVERY person who has responded to your post. If you don’t want to accept it, that’s your business. But please don’t post any more arguments. You asked for people’s opinions, and they gave them to you. Believe me, we “get it.” A lot of us have more than one child, and we have learned that each one is unique and needs to be handled SEPARATELY. It really isn’t your job to interfere. You can offer to tutor or encourage your brother in a POSITIVE manner, but that’s it.</p>
<p>No they should not write off their kid in 9th grade. They may see other strengths in him. My younger son had the burden of following an academic superstar. He’s smart too, but with much more uneven strengths and some real weakness which meant he was never going to have the easy A’s. Sometimes B’s and even were the best he could get. We tried to figure out what he was good at and nurture that. Could he have studied harder if we had pushed him? Perhaps, but he’s turned into a kid who figured out what motivates him. He’s still apt to push deadlines and mean to do more than he actually does. </p>
<p>So what can you do? Haranging him or your parents is likely to backfire. I think the best thing you can do is show (not tell!) him what opportunities being a good student has opened up. Invite him for a college weekend and let him see that college is a lot more fun and interesting than high school is. Talk about the opportunities your degree will open up for you without lecturing. And if he ends up majoring in communications, so what? That may be what he’s best at.</p>
<p>Your parents may feel that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. They may feel that the parenting they gave you went overboard in one direction and are making up for it in child two. Or it may be that they saw years ago that your brother reacted negatively to the kind of prodding you thrived on. The one thing I learned from my kids was that whatever worked like a charm for child number one, backfired on child number two. Really.</p>
<p>You don’t know WHAT he’ll do as the years go by. His B’s could go up, go down, or remain B’s. You don’t know. And middle school-seriously? I hate to break it to you, but habits in middle school don’t always translate into an entire LIFETIME of habits. If your brother i playing 2 sports, clearly he has discipline. Maybe you’re just a little jealous that you’re not an athlete? </p>
<p>People who get B’s aren’t destined for a life of mediocrity. Your brother actually sounds more well-rounded than a kid who chases perfect grades and nothing else. And again, your job is to be his brother, not his overseer.</p>
<p>Wrightway - Good for you - I think your caring about your younger sib is outstanding. My youngest son owes a big thanks to his big sis for helping him maximize his skills and abilities -and he would be the first to agree. He also played 2 sports in HS, but thanks to Big Sis, he also excelled at schoolwork. </p>
<p>The only thing you can do however, is talk to him when the opportunity presents itself, and nudge him along as needed. At this point, IMO, he will have to push himself, so all you can do is try to help. Good luck to both of you.</p>
<p>Motivation comes from within. If you are concerned, the best thing you could do is to (non-judgementally) find out what your brother is interested in & what long term vision he might have. If he has some interests, you might find out what internships, shadowing, apprenticeship, courses might be possible for him and let him know of these. When students have a goal and see their education as necessary/important for their goal, they tend to do better in school.</p>