Hello, I need some help on ways to guide my younger brother. Both of my parents have PhDs from an Ivy League university. I myself am going an Ivy League university for undergraduate research and potentially continuing on to Masters. Because the rest of the family have gone/will go to Ivy League universities, my younger brother is under the impression that it is “simple” and “normal” to go to a top USA university, let alone an Ivy League university.
My younger brother has just started his 1st year of high school in our country (2nd year if in USA) and he has not joined any academic organization nor does he have the intention to join any academic competitions. He has lackluster grades/ranking (for top universities) and prefers to spend more of my his time after school playing video games/watching anime/body building. When we encourage him to join academic organizations/competitions, he brushes it aside and says we are “overreacting.”
He is an American citizen so it will be easier for him to get into an top USA university compared to me and my parents who are non-American citizens. Still, as he has no significant awards or accolades, I believe he is significantly below the standards of any top university in USA right now. How can I encourage him to start improving his academic record and achievements?
It would be great if people could please post links of CVs of successful/accepted top USA university undergraduate applicants. With his personality, I’m sure that would be a strong punch in the gut for him. Any other advice to motivate him would be greatly appreciated. Thank you guys!
If your brother is in his 2nd year of high school and has a mediocre academic record, I don’t know of anything you can do that will make him Ivy material. I’d be more concerned with trying to instill a general love of learning. Your parents may want to try turning off the TV so it doesn’t distract his studies.
Look around CC you will find them. Then MYO, it’s your “brother’s” life, what difference does it make to you if he attends an Ivy or a state directional? Given that both your parents and you are “top” university attendees I am sure he is already well aware that his grades and his ECs are less than stellar.
Technically, he’s in his first year of high school for our country so we hope we can not include his 9th grade achievements, since it’s the last year of middle school for him. Even if its not possible for him to be ivy league material anymore, we at least want him to be able to attend a USA university with a decent scholarship.
I’ll look around CC but I am looking for applicants who are already accepted, not the CVs of those from “What are my Chances” section. Yeah, he doesn’t have to go to an ivy league, but we at least want him to get into a university on a merit-based scholarship, which still requires a decent amount of achievements and accolades. In his case, he is not exactly lazy, but rather is suffering from a sense of entitlement. He believes that he’ll also be able to follow our pathway because the rest of the family did it, without understanding the effort that we all put into it. I wanted some CVs so he can compare himself with the top students of today and realize how much he needs to work on to be even considered for top universities and/or scholarships.
I think this is a problem that many parents of “legacy” children has suffered, so I hope that someone will be able to provide some good advice. We would rather encourage him rather than directly him so we are looking for some strategies that other parents have done.
There is no magic pill for him to swallow and understand how hard it is to get into colleges in the US. If he doesn’t try, he won’t get in and won’t get good financial aid. It’s up to him. All you can do is give him the statistics.
Your brother is who he is. It is up to your parents to regulate his gaming and other at home activities that interfere with his doing his school work. Improving grades can offset a slow start in HS. Your brother may be a less stellar student than your parents or you- accept that. He may also be reacting to the uber achievements of parents and an older sibling. Plus- it was a lot easier for your parents’ generation to get into top schools since there are more HS students and need blind opportunities than in the past.
There is so much life outside the Ivies and other super elite colleges. Most top and gifted HS students in the US do NOT attend those schools. Get over the prestige factor and be concerned with what is best for your brother. Perhaps a discussion with your parents about your concerns is in order. You may note his time spent on gaming et al and your concerns about this. They may need to realize he will not give this up on his own and set up rules.
Do not try to make him be inn your and your parents’ mold. He deserves to live his own life. You might want to discuss with him what his college/life goals are. He needs to hear that it is extremely competitive now for those schools. He should decide if he is interested and if it is worth the hard work to be competitive for them.
So what if you and your parents are Ivy grads? So many smarter, better educated people who went elsewhere. Look at the professors and authors textbooks at those schools. Mostly other institutions represented.
What does your brother think that he might like to do once he finishes his education?
How much can your family afford to pay for his education? As a US citizen, he doesn’t face employment restrictions, and he has access to federal student aid. How much of a difference does that make for affordability?
If he ends up in college in the US while you are still here (grad school maybe??), would the two of you be willing to live together to share expenses if he can complete his undergrad degree within commuting distance of wherever it is that you land?
When the time comes your brother will have to find schools that are matches for his academic stats. If those schools are not Ivy League then so be it – the truth is that there are tons of amazing colleges and universities where a student can get a great education and have a wonderful experience.