<p>been wanting to build a social life and relationship this summer so been asking some friends who were girls if they wanted to do something. sounded like I was asking them out on a date each time. and they were all sad and tried to break it to me gently. lol. anyone know how to stop the mixed signals and stuff?</p>
<p>you said you want to build a relationship-- but you don't want it to be a date?? i'm confused. do you want to hide the fact that you're trying to go from friends to more-than-friends?</p>
<p>I'm thinking you asked her something like this: "Do you want to do something tonight?"</p>
<p>Ask: "What are you doing tonight?" Also, don't look at anywhere but her eyes or her forehead</p>
<p>or, "I'm doing blah tonight", or "I'd like to go do blah", "Would you like to come?" Another idea is to try to make it a group thing. If you focus on one girl at a time, it's hard to avoid having it seem date-like.</p>
<p>iwantfood, that sounds like a date. swordfish, he wants to build a strong friendship. Not a girlfriend. Ew, two totally different things.</p>
<p>Invite them to come along with you and some friends. That are girls. You sound gay.</p>
<p>You need to find a common interest. For example if there is a really good documentary coming out that you both are interested in, just say "hey I want to go see .... but I dont want to go alone, since we both have nothing to do, do you want to see it". If you just say "do you want to do something?", it sounds as if you have no concrete plans and want to hang out just to do something with her. Or even do something like go running or biking if you are active. One of my good friends that I have no relationship with past being friends goes running with me all the time just for fun. That way it isnt like a formal date and its obviously not like im making a move on her when i ask her to go running.</p>
<p>start by hanging out in groups. if you take a girl someplace alone, it'll feel just like a date. so hang out in a group first.</p>
<p>When you say "friends", do you mean people you've known for some time? I usually say, "Do you want to get together for lunch sometime this week?" (substitute appropriate activity). Just be casual and relaxed--it really doesn't need to be dramatic.</p>
<p>Maybe I'm too pragmatic, but the obvious approach has never caused me any problems.</p>
<p>this years girl i agree. I do not know what the big deal is about approaching girls.</p>
<p>To the OP, if these girls are already your friends, then what's the issue. They should be comfortable enough with you to know you're not asking them on a date. Friends go out all the time. </p>
<p>I suggest, like somone said earlier, to invite them to a group setting. As I think about your situation, I realize some girls may not be comfortable with going out with a guy (even if he's a friend) by themselves. </p>
<p>Another suggestion is to be upfront with your girl friends when you ask them to join you. Tell them this is not a date, a group of people will be there, and what they'll be doing. This may get rid of any assumptions they have for rejecting your invite. </p>
<p>I don't know you, so these suggestions may not be applicable to you. But, before having a bustling social life, you gotta take small steps. If being sociable does not naturally come to you, then you have to be patient but actively making new or closer friends.</p>
<p>Well, a group thing is prob best, like everyone has said before me.. but personally, I go to places alone with guys who are just friends all the time without it being a date, just make sure that she knows that its not a date before she gets to chance to let you down.</p>
<p>Concentrate on how you tone your voice too and be careful of your body langauge. It only takes one slip up and she'll get the wrong idea.</p>
<p>It would also help if i could spell "language" LOL! :)</p>
<p>YOU: "I heard the War of Worlds is a good movie."
HER: "I heard that too. It seems alright."
YOU: "Want to go see it tomorrow night?"</p>
<p>^ I'd probably say</p>
<p>YOU: "I heard the War of Worlds is a good movie."
ME: "I heard that too. It seems alright."
YOU: "Want to go see it tomorrow night?"
ME: "Ok, I'll call up some people"</p>
<p>I prefer it when guys just say - "You want to go to the movies? Not as in a date."
When they say - "You want to go to the movies?" (and look at me straight in the eye*), I cant tell if they are asking me out on a date or not.</p>
<p>*I hate it when they look straight into my eyes and say that!!</p>
<p>vtran, What type of activities are you asking girls to go out with?</p>
<p>"Maybe I'm too pragmatic, but the obvious approach has never caused me any problems."</p>
<p>Well, that's because you are an extremely goodlooking girl........no one dares to turn you down.</p>
<p>That's sweet, Untilted--it's a shame it's very patently untrue. I have terrible luck with guys (romantically, that is; I do have male friends).</p>
<p>is it just me or did i sense sarcasm in untitled's post?</p>
<p>sarcasm be damned</p>