<p>i am the only child, btw.</p>
<p>No I have a younger crazy atheltic (she'll be on 3 varsity teams as a freshmen), and gets perfect grades (like 100s), sister. I do think I might be that little arrogant poop that thrives on his parents.</p>
<p>You guys didn't like a World Lit Only by Fire? I loved that book when I read it for Euro because it opened my eyes to a lot history I wasn't aware before taking Euro.</p>
<p>(Note: this is not directed at the poster, just the personality type in general.)</p>
<p>If you really want to lose your cockiness then just realize the truth: everything you have done to this point means s**t. Aced SAT? Wow, what an "accomplisment". You filled in some bubbles in the correct configuration. Valedictorian? Great job studying bud, but until you apply that knowledge in the real world no one cares, nor should they. Big scholarship? OK so someone decided to give you money. Not like you earned it. (Earning it means utilizing your real market value to get cash, AKA getting a job or taking some kind of financial risk.)</p>
<p>And even if you have done something legitimately great, you need to realize that having a cocky attitude about it is pointless and antisocial to the core. Why would you want people to envy you? Far better to let them accept and appreciate you, from both a moral and pragmatic point of view. (Would someone teeming with disdain for you do you a favor willingly? Or would they do everything they could to destroy you? The answer is obvious, of course.) The only psychological effect of arrogance on other people is to make them hate you.</p>
<p>You have to realize these facts, not just consciously but at all levels of your psyche. It won't happen instantaniously, but rather through constant evaluation of the above ideas, which I believe to be the absolute truth. Hopefully you will too.</p>
<p>K, what you do is you, </p>
<ol>
<li>go to a place where people are not as fortunate as yourself and you learn to live like they do.... </li>
<li>spend some time with people who need your assistance in other ways than just to listen to you gloat (i.e. the local old folks home, or disability clinic)...</li>
<li>find out where the local college football players hang out, go chill with them, and start telling them how you are better than they are at football...</li>
<li>just stop thinking you are unstoppable, and recognize that you have many shortcomings, but you may not realize it (usually trying out new things that you haven't done before will begin this process)</li>
<li>you probably won't do this, because most self centered people don't have the moxy or the humility/integrity to actually do things they don't want to do or that don't progress their image in any way... they run far, far away from these sorts of activities.</li>
</ol>
<p>nameless,
"(Note: this is not directed at the poster, just the personality type in general.)</p>
<p>If you really want to lose your cockiness then just realize the truth: everything you have done to this point means s**t. Aced SAT? Wow, what an "accomplisment". You filled in some bubbles in the correct configuration. Valedictorian? Great job studying bud, but until you apply that knowledge in the real world no one cares, nor should they. Big scholarship? OK so someone decided to give you money. Not like you earned it. (Earning it means utilizing your real market value to get cash, AKA getting a job or taking some kind of financial risk.)</p>
<p>And even if you have done something legitimately great, you need to realize that having a cocky attitude about it is pointless and antisocial to the core. Why would you want people to envy you? Far better to let them accept and appreciate you, from both a moral and pragmatic point of view. (Would someone teeming with disdain for you do you a favor willingly? Or would they do everything they could to destroy you? The answer is obvious, of course.) The only psychological effect of arrogance on other people is to make them hate you.</p>
<p>You have to realize these facts, not just consciously but at all levels of your psyche. It won't happen instantaniously, but rather through constant evaluation of the above ideas, which I believe to be the absolute truth. Hopefully you will too. "</p>
<p>Man, what a bunch of nonsense. Not worked hard? please. All you're doing here is exchanging one deadly sin for another. Your post reads very bitter and envious, I don't think that's a better personality trait than an egotist. </p>
<p>The poster needs to listen more and you need to lighten up a bit..</p>
<p>"reading books won't make you any less arrogant... (unless you're reading The Bible or something)..."</p>
<p>That's a good observation. Few things in this world are more humbling than an honest, mature religious faith.</p>
<p>I appreciate any advice given, but I am unsure If I will be able to make any of these applications. I am not really religious so thats out. Don't try to convert me either, nothing is worse than feigned faith. I guess I'll try to listen more, endure arkward silences with no one speaking. I think I might be an elitist ba****d and that is probably a cause. I know I'm not the greatest of all time and I never will be. I know a person who is better than me for every aspect I can think of. (<- even grammar) I know I'm a real pain adverse person, so I shut myself out from being hurt. I just realized I blocked out my grandfather's funeral which was only 3 years ago from my memory. I wish I could apperciate more.
Just thank you to everyone who has responded.</p>
<p>"Man, what a bunch of nonsense. Not worked hard? please."</p>
<p>Go back and read my post, I didn't say anything about not working hard. I just explained that nothing he has done thus far justifies arrogance, and he must realize this. Then I said that, in truth, nothing justifies arrogance, and that it's really in his best interest to not be arrogant.</p>
<p>"All you're doing here is exchanging one deadly sin for another. Your post reads very bitter and envious, I don't think that's a better personality trait than an egotist."</p>
<p>I was trying to be overly blunt, for effect. I'm not bitter about anything, I just think that the best way to get over arrogance is to strike at the cause of it: a distorted, overinflated view of the self. But I didn't intend that first paragraph to come off so harsh. Put it this way, if I were saying that instead of typing it, I'd have half a grin on my face, because I was exaggerating on purpose. And also, I wasn't trying to put him down or anything; I personally don't think that I have made any real accomplishments in my life yet, either.</p>
<p>Regardless of how its worded, my message is the same. An arrogant person constantly reminds himself about how great his past accomplisments were. A person with a healthy personality does not care what is in the past, he's looking toward the future. So you must avoid the belief that your past successes make you a better person than someone else. Further, you can and must replace any kick you get out of inflating yourself to others with the gratification of knowing that other people like you more because you're not arrogant. It sounds weird, but that's honestly how I am. If someone makes an arrogant remark and I think that I can one-up him but don't, I literally feel good about it, and certainly like the better person. That's the only way to prevent arrogance--that is, not just to mask it, but to truly get rid of it. </p>
<p>On a related note, never confuse confidence with arrogance. Arrogance is being cocky in order to make yourself out to be better than others. Confidence is being self assured and fearless in order to realize the potential of your talents (without caring what other people think).</p>
<p>I thought nameless's post was great.</p>
<p>nameless,</p>
<p>Here's what got me a bit...
"If you really want to lose your cockiness then just realize the truth: everything you have done to this point means s**t. Aced SAT? Wow, what an "accomplisment". You filled in some bubbles in the correct configuration. Valedictorian? Great job studying bud, but until you apply that knowledge in the real world no one cares, nor should they. Big scholarship? OK so someone decided to give you money. Not like you earned it. (Earning it means utilizing your real market value to get cash, AKA getting a job or taking some kind of financial risk.)"</p>
<p>I have two kids who were valdictorians & NMS and did recieve big scholarships and VERY much earned everything they got. They worked their as ses off and earned around a quarter mill for colleges we could have never considered had they not done the work. Show me where flipping burgers will ever generate that kind of money? </p>
<p>A strong work ethic does not only mean towards paid labors. A strong work ethic applies to a lifestyle about studies, jobs, life and sports to name a few. </p>
<p>As far as no one cares.. well both recieved enough mail from colleges that you'd think they were D1 QB prospects. Somebody cared. </p>
<p>I would maybe phrase it a bit different.. Everything you've done in the past has got you where you are now. Where you go from here is what matters and how do you want to get there? </p>
<p>Feel like you were arrogant (or shy, slow, foolish, etc,,) the first time round and want to change? What's stopping you from doing it differently? College is a start over point, you can be anything you want to be in college as almost nobody knows you from before. This is an opportunity. If the kid was truly deeply rooted in arrogance, would he even bother to make this post?</p>
<p>I understand what you were trying to point out about the meaning of the past as it applies towards the future. However, failure to recall the past tends to lead to repeat performances.</p>
<p>
[quote]
On a related note, never confuse confidence with arrogance. Arrogance is being cocky in order to make yourself out to be better than others. Confidence is being self assured and fearless in order to realize the potential of your talents (without caring what other people think).
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Totally agreed, arrogance rises from insecurity, confidence rises from security and belief in yourself. </p>
<p>I think that you can be humble and confident at the same time, and that makes it even more outstanding, like people that seem and ARE extraordinary in everyway, yet stay down-to-earth and make you feel as if they have nothing above you (while you clearly know that they do). Those are the kind of people that people, at least myself, truly admire and respect. </p>
<p>Myself, personally, sometimes my parents (specially!!) and friends find it [really] annoying when I don't let them brag about whatever success that I may have had. But I know I don't need to prove myself to anyone, I am confident in myself and my abilities, and proud of what I've accomplished, at the same time I recognize that I have a long way to go and a lot more to learn. I don't see myself above others, however, because I sincerely believe that everyone has some sort of inner talent and something to contribute. I think the biggest compliments that I've ever gotten was when several people throughout the years have told me that I made them feel good about themselves, or that I inspired them to do something. that's what i truly value, and that's how I want to be perceived by others, and that's what I want to be able to do for others.</p>
<p>From Para</p>
<p>Well as a Christian, I have to say what makes you humble is the realization that none of what you have accomplished in your life was your own doing but was given to you by God.</p>
<p>1) Read biographies of Goethe, Newton, Joyce, Mozart, etc. Realize you will never come close to what they've done. Pause and reflect.</p>
<p>2) Read Nabokov, Fitzgerald, Joyce, Faulkner, etc. Realize how utterly unsurpassable their writing is. Pause and reflect. </p>
<p>3) Go to a good college, realize you're no longer surrounded by people dumber than you. Pause and reflect.</p>
<p>Just go to the What are my Chances forum and read the threads by HYPS prospectives. It makes me feel inadequate every time I read it. :( So I'm sure it'll do the trick...</p>
<p>"Realize you will never come close to what they've done."</p>
<p>I think that's going a bit too far. We don't want the kid to develop an inferiority complex or anything. Seems to me that if a prospective writer, for example, were to believe that he could never achieve what those great writers did, he would lose a lot of ambition and confidence in his abilities. That's obviously a negative outcome, and has nothing to do with arrogance. He needs to lose the haughty attitude without sacrificing his drive to succeed in the process.</p>
<p>Basically you're telling him to stop seeing himself above others, and instead see himself below them. I'm saying that he should get rid of this whole psychological "self worth" meter altogether and realize that the concept of one person being above another is just stupid, and completely useless to a person who wants to lead a satisfying life.</p>
<p>Pfft, if you wanna become less arrogant, just engage in more activities that are fun but you are not necessarily good at them.
For example, I'm good at academics, soccer and frisbee. I like playing them. But I also play basketball, baseball, swimming, etc which I totally suck at. =/</p>
<p>All you people telling him to go do stuff that will make him realize that he is worse at things than other people are only going to exacerbate the problem. The problem is not a genuine belief that he is better but his compensating for his own insecurity with cockiness. What you need to do is gain genuine confidence then you won't feel the need to have compensate for your own feelings with the feelings of others because when your truly confident you don't care what others think.</p>
<p>i know this is a month late but i was just reading this b/c it was posted as a link from another forum</p>
<p>OK, u kno where this arrogance comes from?
ur smart, u know things, and ur in a class where the teacher appreciates ur input. but every time u speak, 2 things occur: one, the rest of the kids have no clue wat ur talking about which frustrates you and two, they snicker b/c ... they're haters. these 2 reactions combined embarass u just a little bit & even tho its not like ur in primary school & being picked on for being poindexter, it still relates. so you amp up wat u think makes u better than them in the first place: ur intelligence. and amping that makes u seem arrogant. its a defense mechanism, in a lot of ways, and sometimes... you just can't blame us.</p>