<p>Poetgrl- great suggestion about the movie. My D always wants to cry, but is embarrassed to cry over a school, so when we watch a tear jerker, we both let loose and it’s very cathartic. I’m going to remember that on April 1st.
Rockvillemom- Good point. I took her deferral from Yale way more personally than she did. She’s kept a more open mind than I have and is happy with two great schools so far, either of which she would be thrilled to attend, so she has way more perspective than I do! Always the more level headed of the two of us!</p>
<p>problem that was hinted at in earlier posts. How complicated is it when child 2 or 3 has more disappointments than child 1? My D is only a freshman but already worries that she won’t do as well as brother who has yet to be rejected. Hopefully, she will stop comparing herself to him…different interests, different aptitudes, so why should they get the same results? hard to find the best way to get it across.</p>
<p>Poetgrl- great suggestion about the movie. My D always wants to cry, but is embarrassed to cry over a school, so when we watch a tear jerker, we both let loose and it’s very cathartic. I’m going to remember that on April 1st.
Rockvillemom- Good point. I took her deferral from Yale way more personally than she did. She’s kept a more open mind than I have and is happy with two great schools so far, either of which she would be thrilled to attend, so she has way more perspective than I do! Always the more level headed of the two of us!</p>
<p>Thank you all for your reassuring responses. He is already in with a full ride to the state flagship and a scholarship to McGill in Canada, so we do have options. I suppose that we can’t, as parents, make everything all right. They have to grow up and learn to face adversity. I do agree, that parents have their own grief as well, mainly because for the first time we do not have the power to “Kiss and make it all better”.</p>
<p>Lots of luck to all of you and your children…here’s hoping that they are happy and thrive wherever they attend.</p>
<p>Hi Givings,</p>
<p>I am happy to share information with you. We parents are starting to be just spectators on our children’s journey, and it helps to have companions on the sidelines.</p>
<p>He is a chemistry major at Boston College, participating in Marching Band, Pep Band, and the Boston Marathon. Music is not his passion, but was a fantastic way to get woven into the fabric of the college community. He even has a “band dad”, a sophmore to help him navigate around campus, courses, dining, etc. It was an instant social life.</p>
<p>His passion is running, but a Division 1 school requires more of a commitment than his major allows. So he is training with the BC Running Club and we’ll be at the finish to greet him April 19th.</p>
<p>Both my husband and I are loving the message Boston College repeats: “find out what you are good at, does the world need you to do it, and can you make a living doing it.” </p>
<p>We continue to be impressed by the opportunities a world class city like Boston can offer our son. We heartily recomment you consider Boston College.</p>
<p>We are proud Eagles parents!</p>
<p>tuxedocats: thanks so much for the info…this is incredibly timely! I don’t want to hijack this thread, but in a nutshell my DH is running the Boston Marathon and I am flying up with DS the Friday prior to visit schools. </p>
<p>I would love to hear about BC, and will PM you later. Thanks!</p>
<p>oh, esobay, too funny!
cluelessmom - S is in his 3rd year at McGill. Your S sounds like he would thrive there if his other opportunities do not work out!!</p>
<p>Younghoss, I agree. I should have said his top choices, not “1st tier”. I meant 1st tier in his mind. I agree, esobay “It’s not you, it’s them.” seems like a good Mantra. </p>
<p>But…I would love to see a huge smile on his face, come April 1st…</p>
<p>Woody, I would love to know more about McGill. It is a world class educational institution, no doubt, and S is lucky to get in. It is nice to know that your son is happy there.</p>
<p>Well, if you want/need to know more, PM me after 4/1! Good luck to your S!</p>
<p>When people are concerned about not getting into their top choice school, I like to reference the following two examples:</p>
<p>The prestige of your university does not guarantee success nor does lack of prestige mean future failure:</p>
<p>Steven Spielberg: rejected by USC film school, graduated from Cal State Long Beach film school. Lack of prestige hasn’t hurt his career.</p>
<p>Dr. Amy Bishop Ph.D. Harvard University. She is currently in jail without bail accused of shooting to death three of her colleagues and wounding three others after she was denied tenure.</p>
<p>Love this thread, and all the parenting wisdom!</p>
<p>I’d add that we must be so very careful as parents to guard our own responses. I agree that we should be allowed to feel sad, angry, and disappointed at results we don’t understand. However, try and do that here on CC, with your spouse in private, and so on. </p>
<p>I agree with a couple of days of sadness, at most, for the student, but it’s your job to present whatever the remaining choices are in the best light possible, and celebrate the final choice with as much excitement as you would have if the result had been the first choice. Buy the sweatshirt and window sticker. Brag about where your kid is going on the phone to your mom/best friend/sister, in hearing distance of your child. Visit again if you can, or at least scour the school’s website and viewbook for the good stuff to come. Buy a guide book about the surrounding area so you can get excited about things you’re going to do when you go visit next year. Enthusiasm is contagious. And best wishes to all!</p>
<p>Our son was deferred EA MIT. Then was denied RD. It was a blow, but it was right! He had the grades, but I don’t think that that was the right place for him. He has thrived at Duke. I have no doubt that he could have made MIT work, but Duke was a better fit.</p>
<p>Make a plan NOW for April 1. Talk to son about it. The plan might be:</p>
<p>We will have ice cream, no matter what.
I will be proud that you are my kid, no matter what.
We will remember, together, that no one died AND that no one has won a Nobel Prize (we are keeping this in perspective with the rest of the world).
We will be appreciative of friends and coaches and thank them for their support.
We will avoid gloating at all costs and self pity at all costs. </p>
<p>If you talk about the plan NOW then the kid has a pattern to follow on April 1. Great time to read Kipling’s “IF”. </p>
<p>It’s also a fun time to revisit stories from his toddlerhood. What was he like when he was three years old and had a great day? What was he like when he was upset? Talk about that NOW and he will enjoy how he’s changed in the last decade plus.</p>
<p>I just told my son that I was on-line with a group of parents who were worried about their kids and April 1. </p>
<p>His response? “April 1! That’s April Fool’s Day. You SO have to be a ■■■■■ that day. Can you set up a thread where everyone gets in?”</p>
<p>Olymom - Thank you to your son for the giggle… much needed during these last weeks!</p>
<p>Olymom—I LOVE that! I am going to use your exact words and print a small poster, and stick it up on our refrigerator. Anytime we feel like wallowing in self pity we will go look at that poster. Thanks!!
MaFool—Funny you should say that, because I feel quite deeply that MIT would not be the right place for my S. But he doesn’t see it that way. MIT would be great for Grad school I feel.</p>
<p>and there’s also the old joking/humor to get thru disappointment. my son was waitlisted at the ivy he hoped to get into and made a song out of it to Amy Winehouse’s Rehab…went something like this…</p>
<p>“I applied to an Ivy but they said, NO, NO, NO…” </p>
<p>(it does lose something in translation to print but was quite funny and attention diverting two years ago) son is very happy he chose to be at W & L on a full ride and was just accepted at London School of Economics for a study abroad for his junior year. so you never know what lies ahead for you…</p>
<p>O.K., I don’t know how to quote or highlight, but OLYMOM also have a version of her great post above…(which I’ve posted on my fridge) on the March Madness (not Basketball) thread…</p>
<p>"Speak to family and friends and student about how we accept news.</p>
<p>Happy blessings are received with an attitude of graditude and words of appreciation for those who helped us arrive at our happy state. Gloating is tacky (acceptable for five minutes in one’s bedroom with one’s best friend if BF also has had happy news).</p>
<p>Hard news is accepted with a (one) box of kleenex and a quart of ice cream. Any more boo hooing is in bad form (after all, no one died here). On going boo hooing wastes trees (too many tissues), gives one a dreadful stuffed nose (most uncomfortable) and too much ice cream makes the backside as wide as Wyoming.</p>
<p>This is the protocal for all life’s events that do not involve a death. Dignity is available to all of us if we just plan to be dignified. "</p>
<p>Love the “gloating is tacky” and “backside wide as Wyoming” phrases…</p>
<p>wise words…with humor.</p>
<p>Wonderful article in the Wall Street Journal this morning about notable individuals (Warren Buffett, Meredith Viera, Nobel laureate Harold Varmus) who all received the dreaded thin envelope:</p>
<p>[When</a> Success Follows the College Rejection Letter - WSJ.com](<a href=“When Success Follows the College Rejection Letter - WSJ”>When Success Follows the College Rejection Letter - WSJ)</p>
<p>I had to laugh at the part about Harvard’s dean who chastised Dr. Varmus for applying:</p>
<p>“After a year, he applied again to Harvard’s med school and was rejected, by a dean who chastised him in an interview for being ‘inconstant and immature’ and advised him to enlist in the military. Officials at Columbia’s medical school, however, seemed to value his ‘competence in two cultures,’ science and literature, he says.”</p>