<p>How do you feel about sending your kid to college or about your kid who is already in college?</p>
<p>My mom is scared constantly that something will happen to me. They are both sad that I do not want to call them every day. And I don't know what their life is like with out me there.</p>
<p>I wonder how parents feel (after going to college life and reading the threads there... "which school has the hottest guys?" and such).</p>
<p>Most of us are just so happy for our kids!!!</p>
<p>Remember that it is hard for your mom, and teach her to text message and set up a time, once a week, where you will sign on AOL or call FOR SURE!!!</p>
<p>It may take your mom time to be weaned from you so show a bit of understanding and strike a balance</p>
<p>Sure most parents want the best for their kid, Right? After all, that's what a parents "job" is for all those years. Even so, parents are scared and nervous and they don't always do the right thing......it's almost experimental. Some parents "hover" and poke their nose into everything. Other's get ****ed off and mad.</p>
<p>The key is to understand that parents get freaked out and scared and need your help as much as you may have needed theirs at some point. On sure way to work out the "how often" for letters or phone calls is to set a schedule that works for both people and then call to check in. Make these calls easy going and sorta like an update.</p>
<p>When I've talked with parents and students, 1 time per week works for most. Maybe on the weekends...perhaps Sundays. It doesn't always have to be exact, but try. Then just talk (like to a friend) about anything, it doesn't have to be school.....until you get tired. Sometimes you'll talk for only 10 minutes. No big deal.</p>
<p>Also, do some quick emails......but the phone thing is better. Another way to think about it is to do the same thing that you would do for a close friend.</p>
<p>If you do the calling, you'll be taking care of the "parent thing" and everyone will mellow out.</p>
<p>Show them that you have things under control by taking control.</p>
<p>Yeah, it's hard for many of us parents to let go. We are used to having you guys around and sharing in your lives. We've been worrying about you for 18 years! </p>
<p>You could sit down and discuss with your parents what the expectations will be for keeping in touch. It could be a quick phone call every day to let them know you are still breathing, an internet chat, an email, or whatever. As time goes on, needs change and they may relax more or you may find that you even need them more than you thought. Anything can happen, so don't take a hardball stance on this now. Give them a break and agree to their terms....then you can all reassess in a few weeks or months of your being in college.</p>
<p>We're not horrified by what we read in the "College Life" forum. Remember, most of us WENT to college. </p>
<p>We've been there, we've done that, and we realize that you are doing it, too. Most of us do not shock easily.</p>
<p>Only a few things have changed. First, we really weren't as nasty to our friends and acquaintances as people your age are on these boards. This is a definite generational difference, perhaps promoted by the relative anonymity of the Internet. Second, we didn't spend our lives in front of computers back then (although many of us do now), and that made for a different sort of college experience. Finally, when many of us went to college, it was legal to drink alcoholic beverages at 18. Despite this, we don't think college drinking has changed all that much.</p>
<p>Not sharing in the details of your lives is one of the hardest parts for us. We are curious about your life at college -- partly because it's just plain interesting, and partly because we care about you. </p>
<p>We also want to be available as resources when you need us -- but we can't be good resources if we don't know what's going on. If you call us two weeks after the drop deadline and say "I'm flunking physics, and I don't know what to do about it," we are kind of at a loss. We would have preferred to know all along that you had this problem. Maybe, if we had talked about it together, we could have brainstormed about some ideas on how you might want to deal with the problem before it got that bad. </p>
<p>As for the worrying, that's a basic parent thing. We'll still worry about you when we're in our 70s and you're in your 40s. By then, though, you'll have your own kids, and you'll understand.</p>
<p>"And I don't know what their life is like with out me there."</p>
<p>It's nice of you to be concerned, but you shouldn't worry about what your parents life is like without you. It's your parents job to worry about you, it won't be your job to worry about them for many years!</p>
<p>Perhaps if you agree to call twice a week, or you call once and they call you once, that will ease their minds. </p>
<p>Most of us have oriented our lives around our kids for the last 18 years. We want them to succeed, and to head off to a wonderful college that they love - but we don't understand that it will REALLY happen and they will REALLY leave until they go. It takes us a little time to remember that we are adults with our own interests and our own lives, and to re-orient ourselves around doing things and joining groups that interest US instead of our kids. But we parents will adjust and most of us learn to enjoy our freedom. If months/years go by and your parents are still depending on you for their happiness... then they have a problem.</p>
<p>Dear Quitejaded, I wonder why your mother is so worrited. Are you going far away to college? Is she naturally a worrier? Are you an only child? As for life without you, well there was life before you and will be life after you. And you might be home again after college graduation. They will manage.
If you are asking in particular about our experiences, I can say that when D#1 went to college, 30 miles away, I thought I was prepared for it, but in reality I was depressed and cried a lot for about 4 weeks- and I'm faculty at her sister school and was at her campus at least once a week! I chalk it up to be very close to her and very open with her. I got over it when I got used to it. And you know what, she wanted to call home nearly every day! </p>
<p>I think the advice others gave you about a calling schedule is a good one. Of course if your parents buy you a cell phone plan with lots of minutes, you should use the minutes to call them a couple of times a week, even just to say hello, I have a lot of homework and a test, love you guys, see you soon.
And if your mother uses e-mail, shoot her messages to stay in touch. Whenever I found an article or something funny I knew my D would like, I sent it to her that way. Believe me, you will still want to know your parents care about you.</p>
<p>I don't worry so much aout something happening to her becasue I know I have taught her well and prepared her for this adventure. My worry is more about me and how lonely it is without her in my life everyday. Perhaps that is what your mom isfeeling, but its coming out in a different way? </p>
<p>Right now I'm feeling extremely sad and depressed and my daughter is at home! She is a freshman and doesn't go back for another 10 days. I am absolutely dreading her leaving again. She goes to one of the top schools, is absolutely beautiful, has a boyfriend and is a really good kid. She comes home early, does what she says she is going to do and is genuinely kind and caring. We tell each other we love each other every day and every phone call. When she left in August I was okay for the first week, it hadn't hit me. By the second week I was so distraught I could barely breathe. I had to seek counseling and should have gone on anti-depressants, but was too stubborn. I was 'functioning' after about two weeks. She is my only child and I miss our strong, close bond incredibly. My problem now is trying to keep it together when she does come home so it's a happy time for her. Right now, I'm not succeeding and think I need to go on the anti-depressants before I lose her for good.<br>
Parents worry in different ways and it's all becuase we love you sooo much!</p>
<p>stressedoutmom -- Aww, my heart goes out to you and I fear very much I will be equally empty and sad when my D leaves. We are very close as well, and even though she is, as you say yours is, independent, beautiful, smart, and social and I know she will be absolutely fine, I can only begin to imagine how much I will miss her. And I still have another lovely D at home. I can't imagine what I will do when both are gone.
I have struggled with depression most of my adult life, and it took me many years to finally agree to try anti-depressants (I was going to figure it out on my own, don't you know.) It was the best thing I ever did. I wish you peace and all the best.</p>