<p>D just finished her 1st semester and got her grades tonight. She has only ever gotten a couple of Bs in her life, and those were many years ago, but now she has her first ever C. My problem isn't so much with that C because all the reviews said that it was a really hard class with tons of reading, and she is at a top school (plus reading isn't her strength). </p>
<p>My problem is her attitude about grades. She will often say things like "everyone here is SO smart; I'm not going to do as well as in HS". In HS she would never have accepted a B, let alone a C, and I am afraid that maybe she is setting her expectations too low. I know she is going to class, as well as studying a LOT, but I also know she isn't studying the recommended 2 hours for every 1 hour of lecture. </p>
<p>She also went away for 7 weekends (Thu night to Sun) which probably ended up costing her a grade (it's long story, and involves a missed lab that was available only occasionally, and many times only on a Thursday night). </p>
<p>So the bottom line is that part of me hears these horror stories of kids flunking out (or not doing well) and is happy that she is still close to the average GPA. Another part of me however worries that she will need even better grades to get into good grad programs etc, or to get a good job and because I think she can do even better, is worried.</p>
<p>The first semester of college can be a real adjustment and reality check. This can especially be true for those who did well in HS and are now attending a top school. When you slice off the top 5% (or 10% or 2%) of the HS class and they now comprise 100% of the college class where 50% of them will end up in the bottom 50% of the class, it’s a mental reckoning that needs to be made.</p>
<p>However, often the first semester is when the student realizes they now have real competition, unlike HS, and they don’t make automatic As with a couple of Bs, like in HS, the level of work and level isn’t the same as HS (this isn’t true that it’s much more difficult for all colleges and majors, but many of them).</p>
<p>Now she knows about the competition, she knows the level of work, she knows it’s possible for her to get lower than a B, and she knows she needs to pump up the effort level which likely will include not being able to take Thu-Sun off every week (regardless of the reason). If she comes to terms with this she can do better and in the long run a couple of Cs aren’t going to have a huge impact on her GPA.</p>
<p>Went away where? What are the long range plans (job?)? What subject was the C in? What were the rest of her grades? While she had the numbers to get into this “top school” how good was her high school? People often confuse getting good grades with getting a good education. If she was a 4.0 in high school and the high school wasn’t challenging, that really doesn’t mean much. See what happens spring semester.</p>
<p>I’d have a conversation with her (after the holidays) about what she wants to do post-graduation. Some of her “I’ll never do as well here as in high school” attitude may just be defensiveness. She probably already knows that her GPA will have a big impact on the kind of path she can follow after college, but I don’t think it could hurt to have you underline that for her - in a supportive but frank way. If you know she wants grad school in a particular field, maybe you can poke around to show her what kind of GPAs are necessary, so that she realizes that the future is closer than she thinks, and she needs to take certain steps in the remaining 7 semesters to be ready.</p>
<p>College GPAs usually rise. If it’s possible to find out what the median GPA is for freshmen, you may find she did a bit better than you think when seen in comparison to her cohort. If the overall undergrad GPA is a 3.3, she might not have that much ground to make up.</p>
<p>I would reevaluate the reasons behind the “lost” weekends. Is this something that was only a problem that semester (mostly I’m thinking a sport). You just can’t miss half of the weekends and miss labs. She’s lucky she didn’t have any Friday classes.</p>
<p>Unless there is a very compelling and unavoidable reason, I think she needs to figure out how to stay on campus. College is only going to get harder and you can’t miss labs. End of discussion.</p>
<p>I think you have a talk with her about her goals in life. If she wants to go to grad school, does she understand what’s required to get in? I think kids are going to enjoy themselves in college (going away for weekends) and that’s an important part of the college experience but they may need to be reminded of their goals. Maybe you can help her by researching the grades required for grad school and letting her know that she will need a future GPA of xxx to get there. As a parent of a college student, I don’t know what else you can do.</p>
<p>I don’t know if she is a student athlete, which is the only reason I can think that she would have to be gone that much, but is the travel new to her? My youngest felt her travelling effected her high school grades. Or, she tried to sell me this story. ;)</p>
<p>Anyway, she is in college. What are you going to do?</p>
<p>Does she know what her goals are? for life?</p>
<p>My D1 debated all through HS and her freshman year in college. Se gave up debate sophomore year due to the weekend travel to tournaments. She couldn’t afford the time away from studying and her academic goals. Life is full of hard choices! </p>
<p>The C maybe is the wake up call she needs. Seems like she may need to prioritize ( or not) her weekend choices.</p>
<p>To answer some of your questions: two of the weekends were to come home; once for Fall Break, and once for her sister’s homecoming parade (which she missed last year). Two weekends were to visit friends at other schools. Three weekends were to visit her boyfriend at his school. Also, we, by the way, give her no allowance so she pays for everything herself.</p>
<p>The C was in a History course that is notorious for being hard.</p>
<p>The rest of her grades were B or B+ (except 1 A in a lower credit class)</p>
<p>She does not know what she wants to do for a major, or what her goals are. She had planned on one major but now says she wants to minor in it instead. I’m pretty sure the reason for that is that she thinks the job opportunities aren’t very good without a Ph.d. Even though she is good at STEM courses she doesn’t like them, and I think realizes that her major will probably be in a “softer” subject and that she will need to get a masters.</p>
<p>As Poet pointed out, there isn’t a lot I can do about it so part of managing the expectations was if I needed to manage my own :)</p>
<p>The last question to answer is about her HS and it’s quality. That brings up a good point, and is part of what I alluded to in my original post. Her HS is supposedly a good one, but the experiences do vary among matriculants. I would say most of the kids do either well or very well, although there are several over the last few years who have really struggled. One even flunked out.</p>
<p>It’s very hard when we are dealing with ‘adults’ who are our children and we are navigating this new space where they are responsible for their lives, their decisions, and those consequences. We can’t ‘tell’ them what to do, however I am of the mind that they don’t magically become autonomous at 18 and no longer need some guidance. There is a grey area between the ages of 18 and 20 where they still can use some parental input, especially in matters where the parental unit has a great deal of money at stake.</p>
<p>Personally I think that is way too many weekends to be spending away from her university the first semester, for a number of reasons. This is when students are bonding and forming their initial friendships. It helps students to feel a sense of belonging to their new home when they are around for weekend activities. The more important aspect of this academically I would find is that I’m not sure why all of these weekends away required leaving on Thursday and why any of them were important enough to miss an academic responsibility. That’s for you to to decide how you feel and discuss with your daughter, or not. Your daughter’s university has a policy of no cars for freshman for a reason…they want them on campus to assimilate into the university community and concentrate on academics. It’s an important transition.</p>
<p>Regarding the specific grades or grade, I would simply ask if she utilized all the resources available to her. Did she go to office hours, did she work with other students to form study groups, did she take advantage of discussion groups and TA’s when available, did she keep up with reading or leave it until the last minute and have to do large chunks at once? Going from rarely anything but an A to a top university where As are hard to come by is a hard adjustment, but I never accept the answer ‘the professor is notoriously hard’. Tell me what you did to ensure you did your best in the course and to work with this professor. That’s what I care about.</p>
<p>If it’s any help, my son’s study skills and approach to tackling the workload improved dramatically by his second year. He always had good study skills, but college is a different animal. He did fine his first year, but we have noticed a marked improvement in his approach this year, and it’s a good thing because the classes are infinitely more difficult (e’school). I have a feeling your DD will find her footing as well. The first semester is a big adjustment. I would address the weekends away, if that is something that you personally feel made an impact.</p>
<p>My initial reaction was to calm down - first semester of college is hard for many people, and adding pressure like this, (thinking ahead 4 years to grad school??) can’t be helping. I got close to a D my first semester in college and managed to graduate with a decent GPA and even get a good job :)</p>
<p>The only thing I think you need to discuss is the number of weekends away. Like others have mentioned, it is important to stay and get integrated in your new college life. I know I could not have afforded all that time away in college. I think most kids can’t afford to give up both Saturday and Sunday and still get all their work done.</p>
<p>Leaving aside the weekends-away-from-campus issue, it strikes me that her expectations for grades may be more on target than yours are. If she’s at a top school, she’s absolutely right – the campus may be made up of kids like her who were straight A students in high school, but they are going to get B’s and C’s in college and that is how it goes, they can’t all be simultaneously top of the totem pole.</p>
<p>After having been one of those perfect-students, I got a B- in a class my freshman year, and I completely fell apart – because I wasn’t realistic about the fact that I was playing in the big leagues now and I was just one smart kid among many smart kids. It seems to me that her expectation that she won’t always get straight A’s is realistic, and that your expectation that she not “accept” a C is the off-kilter one. Look, I never got a C either, but the older I get, the more I realize that it wouldn’t have meant the end of the universe or anything. And that’s what I’ve conveyed to my kids. Do your best, try your best, take advantage of the resources available to you – and that’s all that one can ask out of you. There is something in your post that is nagging at me that makes me wonder whether it’s really “concern for her expectations” or whether it’s your expectations that are at play here.</p>
<p>Bottom line, then, TV4caster, is … If you believed she was working reasonably hard / to the best of her ability (which doesn’t mean 24/7 studying, but means concerted effort), was taking advantage of any resources available to her, and took the material / course seriously, how do you feel about her getting a C? Sounds to me like you would have a hard time with this scenario.</p>
<p>^^^That is the bottom line. There is no doubt that she was working reasonably hard, but definitely NOT to the best of her ability, and therein lies the reason why I am indeed having a hard time reconciling things.</p>
<p>If she’s at a top school, she’s absolutely right – the campus may be made up of kids like her who were straight A students in high school, but they are going to get B’s and C’s in college and that is how it goes, they can’t all be simultaneously top of the totem pole.</p>
<p>Exactly…a school that is populated with a bunch of Vals, Sals, and other top 5% students isn’t going to only give out A’s to nearly every student for every class. (well, I’ve heard that Yale does this for its non premed classes, but that’s another story…lol).</p>
<p>That said…she still seems to have gone away for too many weekends.</p>