IMO, it sounds like a lot of the issues are covid related, not school specific.
What is her school saying about next Fall? Return to in person classes? Vaccine requirements for students?
2 Likes
How not good are her grades? Is she failing, or just not getting Aâs? Many kids who were straight A students in high school feel they arenât doing well if they get Bâs and Câs in college. Bâs and Câs are normal in college.
I agree with @momofboiler1 that it sounds like the school isnât managing the social aspect of covid life very well.
2 Likes
Very much this. Rules are important, but your child is more important. Go hug her.
7 Likes
@momofboiler1 No recommendation for vaccine for the fall (yet, so who knows) but a whole document relating to âriskyâ behaviors like eating and drinking where they feel transmission is more likely because you canât wear a mask while doing them. The message between the lines is still masks in classrooms (for those whose professors want to have class in person) and common areas as well as rules about where and who you can eat with.
@Lindagaf Last semester was a 3.2, so really pretty OK considering the adjustment. This semester she is failing one class (with a 57, no hope of raising it enough to pass at this point) and the rest are in the C range. The class she is failing has a tutor but the sessions are when she has another class, when she emails the professor with questions or asking for guidance she is referred to the tutor who says she has to come to the session. It is also the class that said it met 4 times a week for 50 minutes each and there are 4 prerecorded lectures in the 90 minute range. At the withdrawal date, she had a 61 and thought she could pull it up but sheâs stuck now.
Ugh. Thatâs sad. Has she spoken to to an academic advisor about a withdrawal? The F is really going to hinder her chances. Maybe you do need to look at getting a diagnosis and consider a retroactive medical withdrawal. But, does she definitely want to leave her school?
1 Like
It sounds like she has a good plan for her housing next year, which is promising. I agree with @Lindagaf that sometimes kids just dumpâŠwe hear it and think things are horrible and then within a few hours they are fine!
And then sometimes, as I just experienced, they are not fine, and if part of that is not opening up to you about how bad it is, or not being able to pull themselves up to do their work/make counseling appts/keep counseling appts/ask for help, etcâŠthatâs what I worry about. When you say she is thinner and seems sad, and also doesnât know what to do about the future (her major, her school), this could be school related or it could be covid related or it could be depression or it could be a combo of it all. My D has had sadness and anxiety about the future and her workload all year and finally I realized that this was part of the depression âlost of interestâ symptom. Even at the recent low point, she didnât call and say âI need a visitâ. I had to say âIâm coming, OK?â for her to say yes. Not to push you into a visit or that it is the only option right now. Just a warning that she might feel stuck or unable to make decisions or ask for help, but having a visit might be a relief emotionally, and possibly the two of you could set up some logistics/admin stuff together to finish out the semester. It does sound like there are some failings at the school level and maybe with some help, she could push harder and get some of the support she needs there.
2 Likes
She talked with her academic Dean. He sent her links detailing her options (either a retake of the class or another class that fulfills the distribution requirement). He indicated to her several times during her call with him that it wasnât a big deal and not to worry about it, which I just donât get, but Iâm not an academic dean. She took his advice to try and finish as strong as she can so we havenât discussed the specifics. Iâm sure it will be on her list of things to consider.
She likes her FA package, the name on the diploma, and the alumni network and says itâs because of how they can help in her future. She has no idea what she wants to do when she grows up (which is fine because neither do I 
) and knows most employers wonât care what her GPA was. That being said, she has also commented that the school really doesnât care about the students, they arenât honest and transparent but are more interested in being on âBestâ lists or in the news, and she would like to be some place where she feels she is respected and supported and is less stressful.
1 Like
Youâve gotten some really good advice here.
I just have to say, the way the school handled the class your daughter is failing really rubs me the wrong way. If the ONLY way to get help or ask questions is via a tutoring session that meets at one specific time every week (no way to get support via email, Zoom office hours by appointment, going to a different tutoring session, etc.), then your daughter shouldnât have been allowed to enroll in that class given the conflict with the other class.
My son is doing his first year from home, and it seems like the profs and TAs have been very flexible with things like allowing students to attend different sections if they need to.
3 Likes
COVID has caused a far worse mental health epidemic then the actual virus ever did. Weâre finding that counselors are booked all the time, at least the competent ones. Trust your instincts. Weight loss is a very common sign of depression. And you have to assume that itâs worse than what youâre hearing directly. Even in normal circumstances, college can do that.
If I were you, I would start making preparations to transfer her home. COVID has added an extra dimension to typical college stress, making a university counseling center underqualified to treat students at all. She needs quality treatment.
2 Likes
Honestly, it doesnât sound like a welcoming environment or a good fit. The potential for next year sounds better, but is she sure that particular school is where she wants to be?
I live in Chapel Hill and am around UNC students all the time. They mostly seem pretty happy and active. Obviously there can and probably are some individuals who are depressed or not having a good experience, too. UNC has been offering the COVID vaccine (first J&J, now Moderna) and will have in person classes next semester. They are requiring testing I think twice a week. Canât remember exactly, but they are doing a pretty good job at controlling the COVID situation. I see kids out playing volleyball, taking walks, out and about and mostly masked downtown. They are still managing to have a pretty good time. It sounds like wherever she is is locked down pretty tight and not letting the kids have much freedom, for lack of a better word. Sounds to me like she might be better off at a different school where she can get out and meet some people and find her tribe.
I donât think all schools are doing what her school is doing. UNC and Chapel Hill have pretty good COVID rates, good mask compliance, good vaccination programs, and they certainly arenât keeping parents from coming to town or anything. Thatâs weird.
1 Like
If she truly has 1 F (which makes no sense as there should be some final assessment which should be able to bring her up) and the rest in the C range, assuming 5 classes she would have gone from a 3.2 to a 1.8 GPA. if that holds true, she will spend the rest of her time at that college having to fight to bring it up. She has had almost nothing to do but focus on her classes, there have been minimal other activities, something is very very wrong with her.
Fire up the helicopter!!!
I have heard of retroactive medical withdrawals. You should contact the Dean or Registrar or whomever, and figure out what the options are, if not for her because of privacy, for a hypothetical student in her situation. The 1.8 will tank her transfer options if it canât be erased and she decides to leave.
It doesnât sound like your daughter is in a place where she is able to make fully rational decisions. I believe in not giving up, unless you are torturing yourself to only end up in a miserable place, and then I believe in cutting your losses.
Please make the calls to understand her options yourself from the car on the way to get her.
Best of luck, please keep us updated.
5 Likes
I feel like you may have reached the saturation point on advice and might be getting âstuckâ yourself. If nothing else, get her a therapist appointment and a doctors appointment set up now for as soon as she comes home. Those two things were a lot harder to find on reasonable notice than I thought. For instance, I called more than 60 places trying find a psych who would dispense meds (admittedly for a child under 18). Of those 60, 3 had openings, 1 was in 2 years, one was in 6 months and the final was 2 weeks out.
Youâve been given some great advice here. Iâll just say that if it were me in your shoes I would he warming up the car right now for an in-person visit. If nothing else to get her off campus for a few hours and into a private situation where you and her can talk face to face. I bet they would make both of you feel better. What happens after that could be figured out later. Nothing else would need to matter yet. Iâd be going to see her though. Just my thoughts. I feel for both of you. In the end it will work out one way or another.
2 Likes