<p>My daughters set me straight. After much push back from friend and yes, parents friend about the horrors of attending a “southern school”, they said this:</p>
<p>We want to pursue international relations and Chiinese for one, Spanish and Portugese for the other. If we can’t handle the southern culture and being 6 hours away from home…shame on us for dreaming…</p>
<p>Remember the cheesy-but-true saying:</p>
<p>We give our children two gifts. The first is roots. The second is wings.</p>
<p>My S is at a college 250 miles away, and D is going 750 miles away. A big part of me really wishes D had chosen a school much closer to home. But the college she will attend appears to be a really good fit for her, so I have to bite my tongue and wish her the best! My biggest fear is that my kids won’t “come home” after they graduate. But frankly, H and I went to college 1 hour from home, and we ended up moving 200 miles away because of H’s job. So you just never know…</p>
<p>But yes, I am kind of jealous of most of my friends, whose kids are only 2 hours away or less. :(</p>
<p>Both my kids are in school 2500 miles from our home (a 5 hour plane ride or I’m not sure how long a boat ride). S is graduating from college & accepted a job 5000 miles away, with our blessing (tho of course we’re selfishly a little sad–more reason to get to the East Coast more often).</p>
<p>One option that worked for our family was having D go in-state for her 1st two years & then go OOS, to a private U (because she wasn’t eligible for merit awards). Paying full fare for 4 years was more daunting than we wanted to handle. S was able to get significant merit award for all 4 years, so he’s been at the private U the entire time. Another option to consider is for your kid to get an undergrad degree from in-state U & then go to grad school OOS.</p>
<p>Disney does have a program allowing kids to go there to work at Disney World. I know a young woman & her BF did it from HI & had a blast. I know another young woman from HI who also did it & enjoyed it.</p>
<p>Whatever you do, remember we CAN visit our kids and we have been raising them to go out into the world and be all they can be. I am truly very excited for my kids, who are doing amazing things I never dreamed of–can hardly wait to find out what happens next for each of them!</p>
<p>Thank you all so much for your words of wisdom.</p>
<p>Yes, I know we raise them to eventually leave the nest, but it is hard, especially when it’s the last one to leave!!!</p>
<p>You all had some great ideas/suggestions/comments. I’m going to respond to a few:</p>
<p>–Yes, I’m aware of the Musical Theatre board here in CC and I’ve been posting there as well. Thanks.</p>
<p>–As to why she’s taking SAT this May as a frosh: she qualified to take ACT/SAT in 7th grade with Duke TIP. I didn’t have her do it then as it was the same year that my D was in 11th grade. She’s an excellent test taker; he isn’t. I didn’t want little sister to show up big brother when it really mattered to him. (He took the ACT 7th grade and he just got on a mailing list.) So I decided that once he was in college, she would take ACT as her “baseline.” She also took PSAT as a frosh (which my son didn’t because he didn’t want to miss class…URGH!) When I realized how well she scored and the reality that she might very well qualify for NM as a junior, I then decided to have her take the SAT as a baseline this May. And if you take SAT certain times of the year (and this May is one of them) you can order the test questions and see what and why you got it wrong for $18. I thought this would be a good investment for her before PSAT in Oct. And she is taking a junior level math course (Algebra II) so I thought it would be a good test to take now.</p>
<p>–I am also aware of the Disney College Program…that is also a big part of the dilemma. She can very well go to a state school or another school that’s closer and whose costs are lower and participate in the Disney CP (which she can do more than once, including the semester right after graduation). </p>
<p>–I like the idea of a long-term camp during the summer for her to see how she really likes being away…but she has had her heart set on this so long, she may not want to admit she was wrong. But better now then later!</p>
<p>–While she wants to perform at Disney World, she’s quite fine with performing at the cruise line or other venues, too.</p>
<p>Her “real” job or “long-term” job will be a teacher in theatre…which she can do in LA and FL with a degree in theatre. She doesn’t need an education degree…already checked it out on each state’s education webpage. </p>
<p>As I said initially, with my son it was so easy we applied at two state schools; he got into both and he picked one…that’s how most kids do it in LA. </p>
<p>With my D it will be more like what I’m assuming most people across the country do, we’ll visit several schools between now and senior year. And maybe whittle them down to a smaller number, then apply at a several schools – UCF and probably a few others OOS, as well as some instate. Then we’ll wait and see who offers what in the way of merit aid!</p>
<p>Thanks again everyone!!!</p>
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<p>It depends. There are certain Ancient colleges in the NE with outstanding need-based aid and other great colleges around the country that are no loan or have capped loans. Then there are those like UCF which offer tremendous merit scholaships. These colleges can be less costly out-of-pocket than the instate public for most of the kids at the instate public Uni. (I’m using UC prices for instate rates.)</p>
<p>If the D earns a full ride at UCF, how can you NOT let her go? Why would you encourage her to stay close by?</p>
<p>Full disclosure: both of my kids are 3,000 miles away. Going away was highly encouraged.</p>
<p>I’m another parent who encouraged my son, now a college freshman, to look beyond our state to see what other opportunities are out there. He did. He was a National Merit Finalist and had numerous offers from California to schools in the Northeast. He dreamed of going to Duke (about five hours from our home) or to an Ivy. It did not happen for him. He’s at his financial safety, the U. of Alabama, and just loves it. He’s more than 800 miles from home, but he enjoys telling people about all the opportunities he has had this school year. … BTW, I have an eighth grader. He is already talking about heading to Alabama when he graduates.</p>
<p>Sounds like you have a great attitude and a good gameplan for this. Do explore lots of options across the country, and maybe remind her that the better training she has, especially in singing and dance (the major components of a competitive applicant to programs like Disney or cruises or any similar performance work where you’re mostly doing big splashy visual numbers, as opposed to more subtle acting) the better she will do. So it’s not just about being close to where she wants to work, but more about what schools offer the best training in the disciplines she’ll need. </p>
<p>Also, I always say with students interested in political science whose default is: I want to study in DC! Do you really want to be in a big program where every person is a super-type A thinks they’re going to be the next senator elbow you out of the way to get that internship spends WAY too much time reading politico and thinks everything worth happening in politics happens inside the beltway kind of person? Your whole class? When you could get just as good if not better training in an environment where people have a little more perspective on life and politics? The same might be true for musical theater/Disney and Orlando. She may just want to keep a critical eye out as to what atmosphere she wants while she’s trying to build a solid skillset. I don’t know, I’m just saying it’s something to think about.</p>
<p>You can do it if you believe, really believe, it is the best thing for your DD/DS. My oldest went away in 2002, a 25 hour drive or long flight, there were some annoying complications to travel, though we did have family in her area so we could visit and have a free place to stay. We missed her, but it was her time.</p>
<p>Another was 17 hours away, but a much shorter flight so visits were easier, so the ardousness of the actual travel is critical.</p>
<p>One of mine is now 6-7-8 hours away by car, still enough that we think twice before going. Travel expenses and hotels are a serious cost consideration for us, we usually bring the kids home rather than go there.</p>
<p>One of mine is now overseas and we so totally miss her, but we are so excited for her current adventures and Skype makes you feel closer :D</p>
<p>3000 miles away and we get along better.Seems like more and better communication too!</p>
<p>Fortunately you have a while to work this out, but I understand that you want to start now. Make sure she understands that Disney is not known for their high pay scale and like someone said earlier, Disney does have a hiring freeze right now. Of course that may change by the time she goes. If she decides on musical theater, there is a musical theater forum that you should look at. Some of the better programs are very expensive and are by audition only. However, a number of them also offer hefty scholarships. Musical theater BA and BFA programs are typically extremely competetive to get into, so now is a good time to start planning. BEst of luck!</p>
<p>
I’m sorry, the idea of the long-term camp isn’t to test for right/wrong but to start getting both sides accustomed to all the issues of separation and learning to adapt.</p>
<p>We live in Asia, so not only OOS but OOC. S happened to choose a university that is within 2 hours of his cousins, and 30 minutes away from several close friends of mine. We hadn’t thought of it before, but this has been so helpful in terms of Thanksgiving dinner invitations, getting to a doctor’s appointment, etc. In fact, this year, D only applied to schools that are near family or friends as she wanted the same safety net.</p>
<p>It is great peace of mind for me, to know that they can get help if they need it.</p>
<p>Our student by and large only wants schools OOS…because so mnay go the the flagships and our student doesn’t want to go to a massive school.</p>
<p>I cannot imagine how sad it will be when the day comes…and know the successful launching is the goal.</p>
<p>Hoping our student picks a place we can get to in case of an emergancy in a day by plane if need be…
Several years ago with work etc we chose to be on the same continent and we would be sure to make career changes to be back in the US if need be. As it worked out–we are all back in the US so thats not an issue.</p>
<p>Both DH and I went OOS–I was a 14 hr drive away from home, he an 8 hr drive… so it hasn’t occurred to us that our kids would be close.</p>
<p>I’m in Georgia; my kids went to school in Philly, NYC, and Ohio. It wasn’t necessarily the plan - it was just the way things worked out. The oldest and youngest applied to in-state schools as well as OOS, and for various reasons, found their best fit out of state. The middle one had no in-state options for his field (music). However, we moved to Germany his senior year of HS, so it really didn’t matter where he went. Like KarenColleges, any state was going to be far.</p>
<p>Back when the oldest was leaving, I read a study that the kids who did best in college were the ones who were able to leave high school behind. Those who came home every weekend to hang out with their HS buddies were more homesick, and less able to develop new ties in college. So that is one thing I reassured myself with.</p>
<p>Honestly, it was hardest to let my youngest, and only D, to go. But after letting her brothers venture out, it really wasn’t fair to tell her no. There are still times when I wish she were closer. She is coming home for spring break this weekend - first time ANY of my kids has ever come home for spring break - and she’s a junior. </p>
<p>There are advantages to having everyone out of state. First, coming home is an event. We feel much less taken for granted. It’s very strange at first, having our kids as “company”, but it’s a week of nice meals and special events and truly enjoying each other.</p>
<p>Second, I am much freer. (A phrase we’ve picked up: We’re not empty -nesters, we’re free birds.) I can plan my weekends to do what I want, whether it be a road-trip, or painting the bathroom, without having to schedule around my kids. I was able to accompany my H on business trip back to Germany. I can use my kids’ bedrooms for things. (Right now I have scrapbooking supplies spread out in D’s room - guess I’d better see to that before Saturday.)</p>
<p>With email and cellphone plans, I sometimes feel like I talk to my kids more now than when they were home. </p>
<p>In a job interview once, I was asked my goals for my kids. I said, “Productive independence.” I get a thrill at seeing them get there.</p>
<p>The “Disney Experience” sounds like it has dubious value if some kids are working in the restaurants or as store clerks. Be aware that you can do that at any of the Six Flags or Kings Dominion/Island locations in other states.</p>
<p>OR you can work entertainment at one of the above amusement parks and get experience in your field. Lots of theater majors do this.</p>
<p>It was good for us in terms of peace of mind that we had close friends 30 minutes drive from our kids OOS U, so that they could be relied upon if the need arose. In fact, S listed the friends as emergency contacts instead of us, since he pointed out they’d be able to help much sooner than we could even get to the airport! S did spend two thanksgivings with them & we like visiting with them when we go to see the kids as well. D hasn 't spent as much time with them but is happy to know they are available as well.</p>
<p>One other thing to consider as she eventually makes her choices about where to attend college, and assuming the issue isn’t really a financial one:</p>
<p>Do you want her to blame you for the rest of her life if she stays in Louisiana and hates it and doesn’t reach her goals? Musical theater is hard enough, but I can easily see even an adult thinking, “I could have made it if I had been able to make the contacts at Disney (or wherever) but my mother wouldn’t let me.” </p>
<p>I’ve seen it happen, even among my friends who went to college at the same time I did back in the dark ages. It can sour a lot of relationships.</p>
<p>Or do you want her to take ownership of the decision?</p>
<p>When we want to get our son (an only child) going, we just tell him that we are selling the house and moving to his college town</p>
<p>Chedva, I agree completely!!! Back when I was in high school (and dinosaurs roamed the earth LOL) one of my best friends was going to study art in college. She has a natural gift and does beautiful work. Her father said no, she had to study something more realistic. So she ended up majoring in business…not even a minor in art!</p>
<p>So, deep down, no I don’t want to keep her in LA or force her to major in something more stable than theatre (DH --an engineer – and I have had that talk more than once. She has great math scores on all standardized tests, but she hates math and says working in the math field would kill her.)</p>
<p>I know we’ll do what’s best for her, … as much as it might kill me!! But knowing she is happy and getting a good education while balancing out the financial concerns is what matters most whether it’s in LA or elsewhere.</p>
<p>Oh and like others have posted, even tho my S is 2 hours away we dont’ see him every weekend. so you’re right, a phone call is a phone call whether they are 2 hours away or 12 hours away!!!</p>
<p>Thanks for the wisdom!!</p>