<p>Some things have gone wrong. I won't go into detail, because I'd rather advice than sympathy right now, but rest assured that I have exhausted the resources available to me. The real challenge is how I can explain this, as well as the fact that I have no clear path for what I will do afterwards? How would you suggest telling people who are very scientific in nature that you can't do what you're doing for totally emotional reasons? What would you want to hear, from the perspective of a non-typical parent (i.e. one who won't just settle for "I'm miserable")? And, most importantly, how do you justify the couple hundred your parents will lose on the housing deposit?</p>
<p>Parents are more likely to be understanding if you have a productive plan for what you’ll do instead of going to college. This could be doing something like working a fulltime job or being a fulltime volunteer for an organization like Americorps, which also would provide you with training and a stipend on which you can live. Americorps also would provide you with health insurance, something that would also help alleviate your parents concerns. For each of up to 2 years of volunteering with Americorps, you get $4,700 that you can use for college.</p>
<p>If you’re emotionally not ready for college, it could help to get support from a therapist who also could help you and help explain your situation to your parents.</p>
<p>As for the housing deposit: Better to lose a couple of hundred dollars than to lose tends of thousands of dollars because a student who wasn’t ready for college flunked out or ended up dropping out.</p>
<p>It would also help if the productive plan included a projected college admission date (if going to college is in the future plans). </p>
<p>Parents just don’t want their kids to hang around the house, sleeping in late and playing video games all day. If you can show that you are making forward progress in life, your parents are going to be more understanding.</p>
<p>If they are into data and facts there are some pretty telling statics regarding the value of “gap” years you might want to show them. </p>
<p>Both Princeton and Harvard see it as a potential positive, so much so Princeton has formalized the program. </p>
<p>[Princeton</a> Promotes the Gap Year | Anna Ivey](<a href=“http://www.annaivey.com/iveyfiles/2008/02/princeton-promo.html]Princeton”>http://www.annaivey.com/iveyfiles/2008/02/princeton-promo.html)</p>
<p>[Harvard</a> College Admissions Office: Prospective Students](<a href=“http://www.admissions.college.harvard.edu/prospective/applying/time_off/timeoff.html]Harvard”>http://www.admissions.college.harvard.edu/prospective/applying/time_off/timeoff.html)</p>
<p>Sometimes kids under estimate their parents. Ask them how they knew for sure they wanted to go to college. Did they have self doubts? What made them change their mind? You may actually bond with them. Taking time off can provide you with life experience that college does not. Even sitting around watching tv may make you realize this can not go on forever and will not pay the bills. Is money a concern? Love? Fear of not being prepared? Taking time off is not the end of the world when put into perspective. As already posted, come up with a couple of plans for how you want to live your life. Making mistakes and learning from them is called living. Out of love parents try to spare their children from difficult situations without realizing we might be robbing them of the opportunity to make their own mistakes and grow from them. My own duaghter will graduate college this year and has not found college to be the experience she had hoped. She has learned and probably grown more from break ups, getting and keeping jobs, juggling school, cooking, laundry, paying bills and relationships. But an education can not be taken away from you and it is a privelge to be able to get one. It just doesn’t have to be obtained at a university. In the end though, she does not regret her education, especially in this job climate.</p>
<p>What would I want to hear? Honesty and the truth. What’s going on? All of it, not just what you want to tell me. What are you feeling? Not just “I’m miserable” but why and what does it mean to be miserable? Why were you ready a few months ago but not now? What do you *want<a href=“if%20you%20know”>/I</a>, not just what you don’t want? If you don’t know, how do you think you might figure it out? (BTW, not knowing what you want to do afterwards is typical and more common than knowing. And even those who know often change their minds.)</p>
<p>Would you consider deferring admission until next year to the school that has your housing deposit? If so, contact the school and discuss the possibilities, and present that information to your parents. You may not lose your money in that case.</p>
<p>Go into the conversations (it will take more than one) in good faith and assume that your parents want what’s best for you. Be prepared for them to go through the whole range of emotions from anger to disappointment and all the other emotions you might not want to witness. Let them rant and rave and do not get mad with them. Remember that they have to let go of an idea they’ve had for long time.</p>
<p>It will be much worse on your parents if you aren’t honest. Not only will they likely lose significant money, but they will be infinitely sad and may feel like failures as parents if you don’t open up to them about something so important to you.</p>
<p>Trust that it will all work out.</p>
<p>First, I would offer to reimburse your parents for the housing deposit – out of your savings if you have any, or out of money that you will earn.</p>
<p>Second, the housing deposit isn’t really the big issue. You need to think about 1) what you can do to resolve the problems that have led you to this decision, and 2) what you’re going to do instead of going to college.</p>
<p>Tell them a year of mediocre grades would be more expensive then the housing deposit. Not only that, it will definitely hinder you chance of getting into good graduate or professional schools. Do you know why you don’t really want to go to college?</p>
<p>I agree with above posters. You’ve done things right so far – don’t stop now. The housing deposit is NOTHING compared to troubles that might appear should you head off to college when you’re not ready. Also, your parents want you to be happy and successful. They’ll most likely support anything that moves in that direction. Good luck with this.</p>
<p>You write well, maybe you could start the conversation with a letter describing your situation, emotions, motivations for what you’re proposing to do (not go to college). I agree with Chedva, that honesty and truth and some real soul searching are the way to go in approaching your parents. Show them that you’ve gained maturity through your experiences, that you are learning from hindsight (which it sounds like you are doing). Definitely offer to pay them back for the housing deposit and DO it, whether they decline or not. (That will really impress them and they’ll never forget it.) Ask for a period of time for reflection, if you feel you need it. They will probably be more likely to give you space if you set a time frame. And it sounds like you will need a breathing period to figure out your next move. Good luck.</p>
<p>Are you a Spring admit? If you haven’t started college yet[ this I’m assuming ] then, if you haven’t done so already, start by asking the college if you can defer matriculation for a year. If a reason you aren’t emotionally ready to start college is the college itself, then that is another matter. If you are not ready to attend any college at this time, then pay your parents back the housing deposit, and get outside help. You need to figure out how you got yourself into the situation you’re currently in. More information on your situation might helps us guide you better. But coming to the parents forum on CC was a very wise decision on your part, because you will get great advise from many caring, knowledgeable parents. Welcome to CC. There will always be folks here willing to help you find you way.</p>