I had not wanted to go to college right after high school, as I felt I was not ready for the challenge ahead and needed time to work/figure myself out before I started spending thousands of dollars on education. My parents forced me to do otherwise and I ended up applying for schools very late and attending the only one I was admitted into (which happened to be far from home unfortunately). My parents are both very smart and well off people, and I feared I would only disappoint them by going to school unprepared, but they didnt want to hear it. As I expected, I did rather poorly (C average) my first year in school, but I avoided telling my parents as to not disappoint them and tried to improve on my own. The next semster went worse for me, and my mental health started to decline rapidly as the semester went on. I waa overflowed with anxiety and stress and it was showing as my grades and attendence both fell. I struggled to finish the year out, and eventually ended up giving up and dropping out halfway through my 4th semester. When I returned home, my parents were livid and threatened to kick me out of the house should I not return to school and make me repay the university costs I had acquired so far. I have told them that am not prepared for school (as I still havent been able to hold a job and attend class at the same time) and told them my plan to start slow while I get a job and work my way up to finally re-enrolling in school somewhere. They were not supportive of my idea and told me either I go to school or Im on my own. I dont know what to do, I feel like I have no support in a time when I need it most. Any help is much appreciated
What do you want to do instead of go to school?
You say you are unprepared to go to school. If you had your way would you go to school at some point in the future? What would you be doing between now and then to be prepared to go to school?
Your feelings are valid however you are not sharing a plan that you can present to your parents.
Some parents think that they will support their children through college, but if they are choosing not to go to college, they must think they are ready to go out on their own.
I know some people who have joined the military in this situation… my nephew, for example, dropped out of college after a semester. But then the only type of job he could get was the person who re-stocks potato chips in vending machines/stores. So he joined the AirForce for a few years, was eligible for GI Bill, and is now going to college to become a teacher.
There are many other options besides military and stocking potato chips.
Try –
SCA – Student Conservation Association – https://www.thesca.org/
Check their internships – varying lengths, some includ housing, all kinds of activities
Also: workaway.info – places to stay around the world while working 4-5 hours a day.
Also: coolworks – jobs sometimes with housing in the US that pay
Also volunteer.gov – housing-included positions in public-owned parks and lands
Also try Americorps – there’s the FEMA portion and the NCCC portion. Youtube has videos that tells you how to fill out the application – https://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/americorps/americorps-nccc
Look at Youtube for videos about what each of the regional groups have done. The groups make videos of their activities.
I’m sorry you’re struggling so and that you feel your parents aren’t supportive. That’s a tough spot to be in. It also looks like you’re having a hard time taking responsibility for your life and decisions. There are resources at college to help you navigate and improve your study habits and mental health issues.
My suggestion would be to start with a plan. Have you looked for a job at home? How are you spending your time? If you were able to pay your parents some rent and expenses, do you think they would let you stay in their home? Parents want to see forward momentum. They don’t want to see sleeping late, screen use, and other time wastes. How did you spend your summer? Did you work?
So you should apply for jobs. Make a budget. Look at some short term and long term goals. Then look at how you’ll meet those goals. Once you have a clear plan and are able to show your parents your progress, they may feel more comfortable in supporting where you’re at right now.
You are out of HS. I’m not sure your parents are “kicking you out” when they say either succeed in college, or get a job and support yourself. Grow up.
My son could have written your post, OP. He left school and is working. I don’t know where you live, but in my home state, there are many, many companies looking for employees. Tell all your friends you’re looking for a job; a personal recommendation from a friend can help you overcome the lack of previous experience. Be persistent, keep applying and eventually you will find some kind of a job. Remember, at this point, it doesn’t have to be a great job. Just enough to make some money and gain some experience. After a while you can find something better.
Once your parents calm down (they will eventually) tell them you need a break to grow up a little bit. To figure out what you want to do. Tell them you intend to work full time with the idea of going back to college in a year or two. In the meantime, tell them about your depression and anxiety issues, and seek help.
Your parents will likely be more accepting if they realize you have specific goals and possibly a timeline.
Many students take an unexpected break during college, but then return and do well. You can be one of them. Good luck!
I think OP’s acknowledging that he’s having problems growing up, and he’s trying to take smaller steps on his transition to adulthood than is acceptable to his parents. Transitioning to adulthood is hard for some people, and while sink or swim works for some, it doesn’t for others. One way of transitioning to adulthood could be for you to get an entry-level job (there are plenty of those in this economy!) and rent a room in someone’s house near where you work so you don’t need a car. My concern for you is how you’ll pay for your education in a couple of years when you are ready to go back.
I suspect that a large part of the parents anger/reaction in that it sounds like they were blindsided by being kept in the dark about your struggles. They probally feel that they could have helped you explore your options for getting help and recovering or to find a plan B. As a parent, I can handle disappointment but have a hard time dealing with not knowing what is going on when I am footing the bill.
It can be hard for parents to accept that their dreams for their child is not always what their child wants, needs or is capable of. With time and a lot of honest and open communication maybe together you can find a plan that you can both live with. If not, you might need to find your own plan that doesn’t require their support.
Have you consider career choices that require less educational training or consider the trades?
OP, personally I think that you’re doing fine. If you think about it many countries and cultures it’s the norm to NOT go to college right away. Some of them have mandatory military service. Some have mandatory civic service. Some religious cultures require that the youth first go do mission work. Some allow the youth to skip out on religion for a few years and then decide whether to return to the ways of the parents.
There are many iterations of taking time before “growing up.” Also it’s helpful to know that the frontal lobe in young adult brains is not fully integrated until age 25. The frontal lobe controls self-control, learning, executive functioning. You literally may be too young – your brain too young – for college.
Give yourself a break.
What might help your parents is if you come up with a plan – a solid plan – for returning to school at a specific date rather than at some vague time in the future. Reassure them that you plan to NOT change anything in your personal life that might upset those plans (like getting married or having a child). And maybe come up with a plan that supports yourself either at home or elsewhere. Also reassure them that as you are able, you will repay them what they feel you owe them (I have a feeling that this requirement will go away as soon as they relax and see that you’re an responsible adult).
You’re doing fine. No worries.
No advice but sending support to you, OP. I think it is really important that you are facing this! Rather than just going along until things get even worse. I bet your parents will eventually be glad that you trust them enough to share your feelings and your situation. If you need help in order to talk to them, maybe your counseling center can either try out some scenarios as “practice” or even have them at a meeting. I don’t think you have to have a plan such as a thrilling job to go to. Sometimes we can only take the next step…and then the following ones unfold one after the other. It sounds like your situation reflects the saying You have to set out from one shore in order to reach the other. All the best to you – and please come back and let us know how it is going.
very supportive! thanks!