<p>Here’s one thing I think needs to be shared. Not all these over-involved kids have “pushy” parents or are driven by “lofty” goals. Some just “are”. </p>
<p>Mine is one of the high-achievers with “lofty goals”. She’s in med school now at the school that’s perfect for her (in her opinion) so she’s taking some time to survey the “out of class” scene (both social and EC) and find a balance to her life. She’s active, but “paced”. Good for her.</p>
<p>But in a conversation last night she described a slightly older young man in her class: </p>
<p>“Dad. I’ve done surgical rounds for fun a few times at 7 a.m. but there’s this one guy who goes every possible day. He volunteers all over the place, goes to every party, closes down every bar, falls asleep in class, and wakes up to answer correctly in every class. Amazing.” </p>
<p>I knew one of those humans, too, dear. They do exist. They are a force of nature.</p>
<p>I have a lazy, gifted kid (w/ ADD to boot). We aren’t striving for an IVY, but my biggest challenge as a parent has been to find the balance for actively engaging academics and not overwhelming amount of busy work. What I learned:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>There is such a thing as school choice. Homeschooling (including supplemental Homeschool) is much bigger than I ever imagined. Privates & on-line can get pricey, but there is also a lot of free stuff (Khan academy is my current fav) that can keep a kid engaged. Some elite boarding schools love academically gifted kids enough to offer generous merits. In this day and age, more choices for learning exist than ever before.</p></li>
<li><p>Talent searches are a gifted kids friend. It allows kids to try the SAT/ACT early and get over any fears of the test. They offer summer camp programs (though again, can get pricey). They have 1 day programs. They have on-line communities where being academically gifted is not abnormal. </p></li>
<li><p>Many folks don’t understand academically gifted does not go hand and hand with highly motivated, ideal student. My kid will always have at least 1 teacher who is frustrated that he is “lazy” and not working up to full potential. In reality, he is a normal teen who happens to be able to slam dunk standardized tests.</p></li>
<li><p>I recommend you check out Hoagiesgifted.org. Great resource.</p></li>
<li><p>Even if you aren’t aiming for an IVY, research cost of college and available merit. Contrary to what some teachers have told my son, I don’t realistically see my kid getting a free ride just because his IQ is MENSA level. Don’t let your kid falsely beleive they are so special that recruiters will be camping on your door step – And the opposite is true, don’t let this forum lead you to believe they is no place for your kid because the kid isn’t doing ground breaking research in high school.</p></li>
<li><p>You are your child’s advocate. No one, not even the child himself, will care as much about paving a wide, smooth path for his future. He may want to explore off the beaten path, but as a parent I beleive I still need to snowplow the main road and provide a map to the big cities.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Perhaps it’s also worth mentioning that there are tiers among the highly selective schools.</p>
<p>In most instances, you have to have something special, in addition to top grades and scores, to get into Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Stanford, MIT, CalTech, and probably Columbia (which has become appallingly selective recently).</p>
<p>You do not have to be quite so special to get into the rest of the top schools – including the rest of the Ivy League. Ordinary mortals with good grades and test scores – but with only a normal number of extracurricular activities and fairly ordinary achievements in those activities (one or two leadership positions, perhaps, or some sort of county- or state-level award) get into those schools every year. </p>
<p>You can have a life and still get into a college that you would be happy to have on your resume for the rest of your life.</p>
<p>My son is oversubscribed with classes this semester, with 2 college classes and 1 honors online class to supplement his 7 classes in school (5 of them APs). Neither of us are particularly happy about this schedule, but it’s only for one semester and mainly due to the fact that he really wants to graduate high school in 3 years. He wouldn’t have enough hours in the week if it weren’t for all the school holidays, half-days and teachers institute days – fortunately, these bonus times off are fairly frequent.</p>
<p>Yet he continues to be a leader on two academic competition teams; he really loves the ongoing interaction with the best of his fellow students and was happy to cut back on free time playing video games and whatnot to stay involved. Sometimes one’s downtime can also be an extracurricular or two which happens to appeal to admissions committees.</p>
<p>I am too lazy to read all of these posts (and after a few months on this thread, I can already guess what most posts say ;)) But here are my two cents:</p>
<p>I had an oldest son who has always had lots of extra-cirricular time in, even back when he was in the 6th grade. He loves theatre (is an MT major now) and choirs, church activities, service projects, academic bowls, etc. He loved it all, he joined it all…his choice. He did very well in school, and got accepted academically everywhere he applied (not ivies, but some toughies nonetheless).</p>
<p>Two great benefits that I see that don’t appear on applications: excellent time management skills, and too busy to get in the normal teen trouble. He bypassed the drinking, etc. because he was busy and fulfilled with other things, and his friends were always with him.</p>
<p>One caution that I would give: don’t spread it too thin. Have your child choose one or two great activities and put their heart into them. Instead of being a sporadic member of 5 clubs, be the president, etc. of one or two. Much more attractive to colleges, I believe, than a long laundry list. Besides, we found was that so many activities now want ALL of your time. Football is a seven-day-a-week commitment, show choir and drama trade off to be a seven-day-a-week activity. If you choose too many in your HYP push…that is when you don’t have time to be a kid!</p>
<p>If it were my kid, I also wouldn’t make too big of a deal TO HIM about the fact that he is gifted. That can cause too much pressure and a sometimes an infalted ego in a young kid. Let him grow into what he wants to be.</p>
<p>ETA: Be ready to compromise. When DS got too busy junior year his grades dipped a bit. At first I was irate for his “slacking” but then I saw that it was caused by his ridiculous drama/show choir schedule. Who wants to read a novel for Honors English at 11 p.m. after all day at school and right into choir then right into play practice? But because he wanted to do theatre for a living, we relaxed our standards a bit on grades…not to C level or anything, but more realistic.</p>
<p>Thanks for the great question, OP!
I think that having a gifted child is a particular challenge because gifted children are actually at risk if their needs are not met.
I would suggest the development of your son’s social skills is very, very important. Social skills will get him much farther than any particular college. Sometimes, gifted kids have poor social skills. Perhaps it is because when one part of the brain is stronger, another is weaker. Perhaps it is because gifted kids have a hard time relating to other kids their age because of the intellectual gap. Perhaps it is because they spend so much time on these “gifted” activities that they do not learn how to navigate socially through childhood. Perhaps it is because they are bullied because they are “different”, or because other kids are jealous. Perhaps it is because their parents, highly intellectual themselves, are oblivious to the need for kids to fit with a peer group. Perhaps it is because their teachers and administrators do not recognize their needs. Perhaps it is because they are in an environment where there is peer pressure to underachieve.
But, whatever the reason, you as the parent need to do everything possible to allow your child to learn to navigate the social waters. I am not saying that YOUR child has poor social skills right now. But, it behooves you to be aware of this so that you can innoculate against the degradation of social skills as he becomes older.
I also think that the most important thing that a parent can do with a child like this is to stimulate his or her intellectual curiosity by discussing things. Always ask for your child’s reasoning (“Why do you think that happens”, etc.). Discuss current events and ask your child’s opinion. Give your child permission to have a different opinion from you. If you can afford it, subscribe to a magazine that your child would find interesting and leave it around for your child to pick up; then discuss issues or articles that are in it.
I would strongly urge you to REFUSE to buy any sort of apparatus on which video games can be played. It will just lead to conflict in the future. Yes, kids crave the stimulation they get from these and yes, your child will use them elsewhere, but at least you will not have them at home. I refused to buy these and my kids, now older, have thanked me.</p>
<p>You mean like a computer? Any kid with a computer and an Internet connection can play video games as much as they like. Turn off the sound, open a separate tab, and pretend to be working on writing a paper.</p>
<p>You don’t teach a kid self-control by making something taboo, you just make it more desirable. Better to have it in the house and to place daily time limits on it, depending on the time of year and other obligations. Kids need to learn to manage their workloads in the face of possible distractions.</p>
<p>I, for one, think that television is the biggest potential time-waster. Sure, there are a few great shows on TV, but the habit of sitting down to watch whatever happens to be on at the moment is a really tough one to break. We don’t have a TV in the house any more. However, I don’t have a problem locating a favorite series on DVD or watching it on the Internet; selective choice is a good thing, because everyone needs downtime.</p>
<p>^We never had xbox or playstation, but my kids managed to download all the games they wanted for the computer. Not to mention my DH aiding & abetting by buying SimCity, in several versions! And Railroad Tycoon, but that was his vice…</p>
<p>My kids were all self-motivated and a couple were over-subscribed I would say, but that was their choice. I do think my eldest could have used more sleep. We didn’t realize it at the time, and neither did she, but whenever she seemed to be “losing it” or stressed out, it was just a matter of not enough sleep. She could do the work, easily, just needed her 8 hours of sack time. I think in college she learned to take care of herself and not overcommit.</p>