<p>Sometimes if a student has a real problem that needs support, sending him away to college is not a good idea. A woman we know made a difficult decision to not permit her anorexic/bulemic daughter go to a very selective college. She ended up commuting and struggling for 4 long years with this disease. Now she is at Columbia working on a graduate degree and things are in better control. There is little doubt that she would not have been able to handle things had she gone away.</p>
<p>On the other hand, as Garland as pointed out, there are kids who do "click" in college. THe lack of busy work, the fast pace, and the more mature (well, in some ways) social interactions really help some kids focus and get interested in doing well. That is what we all so hope will happen. It's a tough judgment call to make.</p>
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accepted into a college that would be a good fit for his potential
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<p>sigh.</p>
<p>I can't think of a response.</p>
<p>We have a slacker S -- 34 ACT and PSAT that will put him in NMSF group. His GPA is a 3.4 uw but he really gets annoyed having to do homework that he thinks is "busy work" -- his sophomore year he would "forget" to turn in homework but would ace the pre-calc honors tests. His father and I fought this for a while and then decided that we needed to accept that he was not going to meet OUR expecations in terms of academic performance. It took some time and we decided to let him know that because he had decided not to put forth much effort in HS, we were not going to put forth the "long green" for a top tier college. He thought that made sense! Once we adjusted our expectations, we were all happier. One thing I did do which moved his grades up a bit was to explain to him that if he got a chunk of merit money, then any left-over funds that we had put away for college would remain his at the end of his undergraduate time. His eyes lit up a bit at the prospect. I further explained that he might think of hundreds of dollars flying out his window each time he neglected to turn in an assignment or not bother to study for a test. The transfer of any remaing funds is, of course, contingent upon good behavior and a decent college GPA (which will also be required for renewable scholarships).</p>
<p>There are many state schools that provide full tuition or a major portion for NMF who select their institutions as first choices. S now has 2 of those in his sights and is working to pull up his GPA in time to slip into the NMF group next year. Will see if that happens - but even if it doesn't make that cut, he'll likely get a nice scholarship at a "good" but not "great" public school. </p>
<p>Favorite recent quote when we were listening to an acadmic overview at a college visit - I was trying to convince him to think about applying for the honors program. He looked at me and said, "Why would I take something already hard and make it harder? Do I look retarded?!" Now, I don't really condone his use of the term "retarded" but it really does sum up his current approach to his education!</p>
<p>Until his academic fire is lit, he will not be exerting himself. Accepting this has been very important in our house... We're all alot happier. We hope he finds his passion but if not, that will be ok, too. We're just pressing for employment with health insurance and retirement -- the rest is gravy!</p>
<p>Good luck to you and your S on your journey.</p>
<p>Similar story here with my brother. My parents threatened to send him to our local CC if he didn't get any of the good schools. They did tell him that it was up to him to decide his own fate, meaning bringing up his horrible junior year GPA. They did take him on a road trip or two to colleges in the fall but my brother showed little interest in the campuses- the reality just hadn't sunk in. My mother had to hire our guidance counselor to do the extra work of pushing him along and making sure he was doing the apps and essays because my brother had tuned out to my parents (too much fighting). He did eventually apply to a bunch of schools including 3 early action schools (which I told him that I did not support at all given his transcript!). He got rejected from those 3 EA schools. THOSE woke him up a little- the fear of NOT getting out of the house after HS. He began studying for the midterms and hoped for that some school will give him sympathy and offer him a place. One school did before they saw his midterm report. He was quite... thankful. He still got rejected from everywhere else....</p>
<p>Sometimes even bright kids need to ride it out and let life teach them lessons. Though my brother does probably wish a little that he hadn't let his social life get the best of him that he could've gotten into Princeton or BU.</p>
<p>The other thing is... does your S have any other siblings? It can be a factor when there's one that does very well....bit of a case in my family.</p>
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<p>My mother had to hire our guidance counselor>></p>
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<p>Not wishing to highjack the thread, but could you explain this? At our school that would not be permitted.</p>