How does my Financial Aid SAP appeal letter look?

Paying for College
1

<p>5/6/14
5/6/14</p>

<p>Dear Financial Aid Committee :</p>

<p>I am a freshman at Mesa Community College taking my first semester at a college. My reason of typing this appeal letter to you was the problem that I’m having with completing two-thirds of my all my course. It didn’t go out as well as I planned it to be. I have already dropped on class, which was English 101 and now I’m planning on withdrawing Macroeconomics. I withdrew English 101 because I wasn’t eligible to pass after not getting a decent grade with my first two major assignments due to my time management problems outside of my classes concerning my personal issues and now I’m planning on withdrawing Macroeconomics because I feel that I won’t do so well on the final exam after not doing so well on all of the practice exams and I learned that the degree that I’m going for isn’t truly what I wanted. I foolishly did not take what my macroeconomics professor said seriously when he told me and my class on the first week that most of the college freshmen that have taken his class are likely to fail his class, especially during the Spring semester. The rest of my courses, I am improving and doing fine.</p>

<p>Time management and the fact that I added a little too much courses on my schedule (five classes total) for my very first semester in college are my biggest issues regarding my financial aid and Grade Point Average. Even though it’s too late for a refund of the two classes, I feel its best that I withdrawn them to not risk affecting my financial aid and GPA. What goes on in my personal issues is my parents always calling for me something that they need me to help with because my father makes little money where he works at and had to buy cheap furniture and certain items from donation stores and bring them to Mexico every 2 to 3 weeks to make extra money to pay for so much bills he has to deal with while I was busy trying to look for certain part-time jobs that fit my schedule for the past 4 months. I had to help them load and unload stuffs for them. Even when my parents are making a little bit of extra money from selling old furniture in Mexico, it’s still barely enough to pay all the bills. </p>

<p>If you were to give me a second chance, I’d try my best to make the wisest choice possible with my class schedule for next semester and improve my time management. Again, I know I made the mistake of not scheduling a certain amount of courses and certain hours to where I feel comfortable as a first time college student. My macroeconomics class turned out to be something that I wasn’t really interested in and decided to look at other degree programs. When I talked to one of the people at the Financial Aid office, they told me to give the macroeconomics exam a try to see I might pass the exam by miracle. If not, then they told me to address my professor and my professor told me even after taking the exam, he can withdraw me if I did poorly on the finals. Hopefully, if you approve my appeal, my parents and I won’t end up wasting more money on the courses than we already have and end up struggling to find any available scholarships that I may qualify for and end up paying out of pocket in the next semester. I appreciate the time that you have taken to read my appeal.</p>

<p>Sincerely,</p>

<p>Jose Grijalva</p>

<p>(Do you think it's too long or is it fine?)</p>

2

<p>Too long, repetitive–I couldn’t even get half way. Take out extra ‘stories’ get right to the point. Correct grammar and spelling " I have already dropped on class" should be “one class”. Say what you are going to do going forward clearly.</p>

3

<ol>
<li>Is English your first language? There are a lot of close-but-not-quite grammatical errors.</li>
<li>Do you mind if I create a version with fewer errors and post it back to you?</li>
</ol>

4

<p>@bodangles‌ : Spanish was my first language from age 1-2 but I was born and raised here in the US and yes, please. Edit what you think needs a fixing.</p>

5

<p>Dear Financial Aid Committee:</p>

<p>I am a freshman at Mesa Community College. Unfortunately, I have not met my own goals for my first year of college. I have already dropped one class, English 101, and now I’m planning on withdrawing from Macroeconomics. In English, my grade could not be pulled up to passing due to my less-than-stellar performance on the first two major assignments; regrettably, I struggled with time management and dealing with my personal issues. Now, in Macroeconomics, I expect a low grade on the final exam, and I discovered that the degree I am currently seeking is not for me. I foolishly did not believe my Macroeconomics professor when he said, during the first week, that most freshmen are likely to fail his class, especially during the spring semester. I am, however, still pursing options other than withdrawing immediately from Macroeconomics. When I talked to the Financial Aid office, they told me to give the Macroeconomics exam my best shot, just in case. If I do badly, then they told me to address my professor, who said that even after taking the exam, he can help me withdraw. I only struggled in these two courses, however; in the rest of my classes, I am improving and thriving.</p>

<p>In addition to my issues with time management, I was distracted by familial problems. My parents call me frequently, asking for my help loading and unloading cheap furniture that my father brings from the United States to sell in Mexico. Because my father makes so little money with this enterprise, I am my parents’ first—and only—option for assistance. In addition, my search for a part-time job that would allow me to pay some of my parents’ bills while also focusing on classes has kept me preoccupied for the last four months. While trying to support my parents, I had little time for schoolwork, and my lapse in time-management skills exacerbated the issue.</p>

<p>Time management and overscheduling (five classes total) for my very first semester in college were my biggest issues, resulting in my withdrawals. Even though it is too late for a refund of the two classes, I feel its best that I withdraw from them to avoid affecting my financial aid and GPA. </p>

<p>If you give me a second chance, I will try my best to make wise choices with my class schedule for next semester and improve my time management. I know I made the mistake of scheduling too many classes as a first-year student. My Macroeconomics class also turned out to be something that I wasn’t really interested in, and I have decided to look at other degree programs. I will learn from these mistakes and improve my performance. </p>

<p>Hopefully, if you approve my appeal, my parents and I will be able to avoid struggling to pay for my next semester at this school. I promise that I have recognized my mistakes and plan to put forth the effort to succeed in spite of these setbacks. </p>

<p>Thank you, and I appreciate the time that you have taken to read my appeal.</p>

<p>Sincerely,</p>

<p>Jose Grijalva</p>

6

<p>Broke it up into mostly smaller paragraphs to improve readability / keeping attention of the reader. Moved a couple of sections around to make it flow better. Feel free to edit anything that isn’t factually correct (for instance, I don’t know for sure that you are the only help your parents can find, but if it’s true, I would include that, as it sounds significant). </p>

7

<p>@bodagles: Thank you.</p>

8

<p>Also, *it’s best that I withdraw
Sorry, missed that one</p>

9

<p>@bodangles‌ : Hopefully, it goes out well for me. I am aware that Financial Aid only approves a handful of SAP appeals depending on the circumstances. Otherwise, I’m just gonna have to find a job that will offer me more work hours and reduce my college schedules into 2-3 courses while paying out of pocket.</p>

10

<p>Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.</p>