<p>How has your relationship with your parents changed since you went to college. If it was bad is it now non-existent?</p>
<p>I realize that my parents are really uneducated.</p>
<p>After freshman year, I came back thinking, “my parents are Nazis. I’ve been living on my own and they’re still trying to tell me what to do.”</p>
<p>After sophomore year, they’ve cut me a lot of slack, and now we’re just good friends. They aren’t really my parents any more so much as my buddies.</p>
<p>completelykate, can’t they be your parents and your friends?</p>
<p>Sure, but I’m financially independent, have my life under control, have a good career set up, and have a steady boyfriend of two years. I’m more or less a full adult now, not some janky freshman who thinks setting her own bedtime and managing her own graduation plan means adulthood.</p>
<p>When you stop needing to be “raised” and are capable of learning about life on your own, your parents aren’t really your parents any longer. They still have that “title,” but they’re just friends now whom I occasionally consult on matters where they have more experience. 
And frankly, I think we both like that better.</p>
<p>I’m on more equal terms with them now. My relationship with my mom is much better when I’m away (sadly, this doesn’t continue when I return home for the summer).</p>
<p>My relationship greatly improved. When I lived at home, we clashed a lot, mostly just because we have such similar personalities that we disagreed on a lot. I think we had a hard time living together as a result. However, after being away, we have a much better relationship. College has made me a lot more laid-back and relaxed, and I’ve grown up a lot. We appreiate each other a lot more when we don’t spend a lot of time together, which sounds strange, but is really true. I’m (mostly) looking forward to spending the summer with them.</p>
<p>@ completelykate - well obviously you’re all adults, but they’ll never forget raising you. They’ll still call you pet names.
Of course it’s great to be friends with your parents, but from their perspective, they’re always parents.</p>
<p>Strengthed. College made our relationship stronger. Part of it is because I came out to her fall semester which eventually made our relationship stronger. But a lot of it has to do with us appreciating each other more because we didn’t see each other ever day.</p>
<p>@Sunsloth - maybe that’s the case for you and your parents, but unsurprisingly, there are as many different ways to parent as there are people on earth.</p>
<p>My parents never called me pet names, except for ‘Kate’ and ‘KK’ (vs. ‘Kathryn’), and they now treat me as an equal professional and friend, not as something that still needs feeding and coddling. They have told me it’s “refreshing” for them, since my younger sister is still in high school and they are busy looking after her. </p>
<p>Your parents may always view themselves in that light, but mine don’t.</p>
<p>@completelykate - there is a mid-point between a professional relationship and a coddling relationship. Independent adults still have a mum and a dad who take a special interest in their happiness, as parents.</p>
<p>Do you call them by their forenames?</p>
<p>Yes, I do - I’ll call them ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ when I’m trying to get their attention or to be affectionate, but most of the time I call them by their names. You don’t call your sister and brother ‘sis’ and ‘bro’, do you? I’m a little perplexed why you’re seemingly so upset that my parents aren’t like yours and must secretly be some other way than how I describe them. We have different family styles, and that’s… totally ok. :p</p>
<p>I thought my relationship had really improved with my mom, but I discovered after moving home after graduation that for the most part that is only true when I am not living at home. So once I am out for good I think things will be good. We had a very bad relationship when I left, I think we’re just too incompatible to live together.</p>
<p>My relationship with my dad didn’t change. We had no relationship when I left and we still don’t now.</p>
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<p>You don’t call your sister or brother by their title because they are your equals, no matter if they are older or not. In a familial sense, your parents are not your equals. Calling parents and other elders by their names and not their titles (unless in a joking sense) is disrespectful in many cultures. Just FYI. And if your parents are okay with you calling them by first name basis in your particular culture, then good for you.</p>
<p>completelykate…wow…just wow…
With all due respect, its obvious from your posts that you still have a great deal of growing up to do.</p>
<p>I respect the way your family works, so please respect the way my family works as well. All I intended was to give a perspective on a different family situation. If you don’t like my family dynamic, that’s fine; I’m very happy with it. That doesn’t mean that I or my parents need to “grow up” or change. Just because someone isn’t like you or doesn’t match up to your “ideal” family doesn’t make them wrong.</p>
<p>wow, so many possibilities for what could happen. Thanks for all the replies!</p>
<p>I project mine will be something like this one:</p>
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<p>comletelykate - when did that transition occur, from you calling your mom mom to calling her by her first name. Maybe it wasn’t so dramatic because you called her her first name sometimes when you were younger too? I will always call my mom mom, I think. The only reason I wouldn’t would be if I felt contemptuous towards her. .</p>
<p>It was normal when I was younger to call my parents by their first names sometimes. My mom does it with her parents, too, so I probably picked it up there. My sister and I both called them ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ too sometimes, but over time I just stopped. </p>
<p>My parents are also divorced, so I have a stepmom and stepdad whom I call by their first names. It seems silly to call my stepdad by his name and not call my mother by hers - on the other hand, he’s just as much a father to me as my real dad is, so calling both of them “dad” seems like a weird alternative to me.</p>
<p>oh, okay. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. The important distinction is not the name one calls their parent by, it’s the feelings associated with that name.</p>
<p>My parents treat me more like an adult. We still clash sometimes over stupid stuff, mostly about my responsibilities around the house for the summer (it’s REALLY hard to come back to being told to do chores all the time), but they’re more lenient with me and let me do my own thing. They were pretty strict when I was in high school. They always wanted to know where I was at all times, who I was with, what we were doing, etc. I think they realize I’m becoming more independent now and they treat me accordingly. It’s nice. We never had a bad relationship to begin with, though.</p>