How is this a 9 - u gotta be kidding me!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Is there really much more for people to invent and discover in the world today?</p>

<p>After waiting two months, those jokers and idiots at College Board finally released my December scores. What a *****ing joke the SAT graders are. </p>

<p>Typed word for word from my actual essay on the December test. HOW IS THIS A *****ING 9!?? </p>

<p>Words alone cannot express the extent to which the accelerated development of technologies and the discovery of marvelous new inventions have propelled the world to unparalleled heights of progress. One should not, however, fall prey to the misconception that humans should be content with such developments and sit back complacently while the world passes by at a dizzying speed. There are still a multitude of innovative discoveries and inventions that must and will be found in order to address the increasing number of social and environmental ills that plague the modern world.</p>

<p>We need look no further than the alarming increase in global gashouse emissions and the threat of global warming to substantiate the aforementioned statement. With the intensified development of technology, an increasing number of factories and automobiles are emitting deadly carbon dioxide fumes that are rapidly depleting the ozone layer and threatening the delicate balance of nature. Many scientists are devising new ways to counter such insidious threats but have not made any significant strides. It is imperative, nonetheless, to keep pressing forward to create new discoveries or technologies that can alleviate the seemingly insurmountable environmental crisis the world faces.</p>

<p>Take as another great example stem cell research. With the mapping of the Human Genome and unprecedented developments in stem cell research, there may soon come a day when millions of humans no longer have to suffer from various incurable ailments such as Alzeimher's Disease or spinal cord disorders. In fact, several years ago, scientists cloned the first sheep, known as "Dolly." Is it too much to say that human cloning may one day become a reality or that AIDS may no longer annihilate the lives of millions? The frontiers of science and medicine offer unlimited boundaries that we have not even come close to surpassing.</p>

<p>Technological developments also serve as a great testament to the truth that there is still much left to invent and discover. Space shuttles that can teleport humans to different galaxies or flying cars that one can only see in movies may also one day be at our fingertips. Everyday, new smartphones pop up on the market, technologies of yesteryear are becoming obselete, and some new pioneer in some remote location of the world is concocting some new marvel yet to be seen.</p>

<p>An indisputable reality of the world is that it is developing at a dizzying speed. As long as humans desire to surpass their own limitations and Babylonian Tower, there will never be an end to what we can invent and discover.</p>

2

<p>I’d give this a 9 or a 10 because u didn’t discuss what the question wanted in the right way. You went somehow off track. You also didn’t use strong vivid examples that will prove ur point. I happened to do a perfect essay and got an 9 like u and I was angry just like u. I believed that my essay should get me a 12 or 11 but it got me a 9. U have to just prepare universal examples to use for sat and everything will be fine.</p>

3

<p>donnykim, I have a few suggestions that might yield a higher score for you</p>

<p>1) Be careful about subject/verb agreement with collective nouns. For example, in the first paragraph, you should write "There is still a multitude . . . " rather than "There are still a multitude . . . "</p>

<p>2) Be careful about your word choice. For example, you write “the discovery of marvelous new inventions.” One could argue (and the CB graders might) that an invention is “invented” rather than being “discovered.” The word “discover” is used to refer to the “uncovering” of something that pre-existed, but was unrecognized. The word “invent” is used to refer to the creation of something that did not exist before.</p>

<p>In the sentence “The frontiers of science and medicine offer unlimited boundaries that we have not even come close to surpassing,” you have several inexact uses of words. The word “frontier” tends to be used to describe an open region that is sparsely settled, or perhaps unexplored. A “boundary” contrasts with that, because a boundary is usually viewed as a line separating one region/nation/set from another. An explorer could move into a frontier, but not into a boundary. One does not “surpass” a boundary, one crosses it. One does not “surpass” a frontier, either.</p>

<p>3) It is better not to make claims that your later essay cannot support. For example, at the end of your first paragraph, you remark on “the increasing number of social and environmental ills that plague the modern world.” I did not spot something that I would really classify as a “social ill” in the remainder of the essay. You did mention environmental ills (greenhouse gas emissions, global warming, ozone depeletion), but I don’t believe that you showed that the actual number of ills is increasing. The extent of global warming does seem to be increasing, that does not increase its number. The number of automobiles is increasing, but they contribute to a single ill that you have mentioned. </p>

<p>When you come to the paragraph on medical developments, you mention Alzheimer’s disease and spinal cord disorders. These are pre-existing ills. The number of cases may have grown, but the number of “ills” did not. Also, I don’t think these are social or environmental ills. Alzheimer’s might be, but that’s unproven, and you haven’t linked it to the environment. Human cloning should probably not be used as an example without a deeper discussion of issues surrounding it.</p>

<p>4) The style of this essay is really rather breathless. You don’t need to adorn every noun with a $100 adjective. CB rewards writing plainly and precisely.</p>

<p>5) Avoid including sentences that sound like prepared statements that could be slotted into different essays. For example, your second sentence, “One should not, however, fall prey to the misconception that humans should be content with such developments and sit back complacently while the world passes by at a dizzying speed.” Do you see how this sentence is only an oblique response to the prompt? The first part of it is great: “One should not, however, fall prey to the misconception that.” But then ask yourself: What misconception is it that you want to counter in your essay? You want to counter the misconception that there is nothing left to invent or discover. So, say that. How does “while the world passes by at a dizzying speed” fit into your argument? One reason that the world might be passing by at a dizzying speed is that others are out discovering new things. Did you mean that? Or did you mean something else? To suggest that others are out discovering new things presupposes that there are new things to be discovered–which you have not yet established at that point in your essay.</p>

<p>6) I suggest that you read The New York Times and The Economist, and try to adopt a style more in line with their writers’ styles. Your tone is a bit strident, and that does not help your score.</p>

4

<p>I actually don’t think your essay is good at all; the third body paragraph is quite bad. Your essay really seems platitudinous and empty to me, and there are no concrete facts. I would give it a 4/6.</p>

<p>I also agree with the guy above me who said it is breathless. I literally had no idea what was going on while I was reading it.</p>

5

<p>Vary your sentence structure. Your sentences are all very long, full of disingenuous ‘big’ words and platitudes. I could hardly make out what you were saying sometimes, until I read it over. </p>

<p>Also, I noticed that you talked extensively about what scientists have discovered, but not what is still needed to be discovered. The bulk of your paragraphs are about the achievements of scientists, and the discoveries already made–and then you tack on at the end that more research is still needed, or that we’ll have clones some day. That’s not what they want. The question states “Is there really much more for people to invent and discover in the world today?”, so you need to focus on the things that we haven’t invented and discovered yet, rather than on achievements already gained.</p>

<p>Also, please try to have a better attitude about this. The two trained SAT graders decided that your essay was a 9, and that’s that. If you really think a mistake in grading was made, then try appealing it.</p>

6

<p>You did not really respond to the prompt or have a real thesis. Just read the prompt and your first sentence: they don’t really go together.
And you tries too obviously to use big words.</p>

7

<p>Fill the two pages that they give you.
There is supposedly a high correlation between length and score.</p>

8

<p>I won’t pile on too much more. The crticisms are valid, take them to heart.</p>

9

<p>Yeah, you’re lucky to emerge with a 9. I’d give it a 4/6 and am surprised one of your graders put a 5 on it.</p>

10

<p>Big words == impressive writing</p>

<p>Don’t write your college essays like this</p>

11

<p>I love it when people find out they aren’t as awesome as they think they are!</p>

12

<p>Sorry. I had to reread several of the sentences to understand what is going on. Also, your essay felt a bit extreme. You used multiple “big” words pretty much in every single sentence when the SAT graders actually prefer a clear essay with sophisticated words only every now and then. </p>

<p>Also, I don’t know if this is a problem, but the tone of your essay seemed to be denying all other possible options. I didn’t see any sentences describing the other point of view and then denying it with an example. Rather, I saw a ramble of sentences with no concrete facts. (i may be wrong however since I skimmed parts of the essay in fear of getting a headache from all the big words)</p>

13

<p>I’m going to break off the flow here. I think this essay is good enough to get a 11, but what did you in was the third body paragraph; it’s simply inadequate and irrelevant. If your 3rd body was equal to your first or second, I’d say your score would go up to a 10. Also your conclusion is questionable, bringing down your score.</p>

14

<p>I didn’t find this to be a well-written essay at all, it didn’t flow very well and seemed very unnatural. I could just picture your mom giving you a stack of sat vocabulary flashcards and saying, “here, try to incorporate every single one of these words into your essay somehow, even if they don’t exactly fit.” You made good points, but your elaborate language was so distracting that I couldn’t focus on what you were actually trying to communicate.</p>

15

<p>Like everyone else said, vocabulary shouldn’t be replacing substance.</p>

16

<p>Okay. Everyone’s comments are legit and the constructive criticism is appreciated. I can see now that I was too caught up trying to embellish the essay with a bunch of fancy words and didn’t even address the prompt correctly. </p>

<p>We’ll see how I did on my January test. heh</p>

17

<p>^thanks for being open to constructive criticism and not defensive like so many people on cc</p>

18

<p>4 days to go.</p>

19

<p>Your essay’s tone is an important factor in your score. The graders can be grumpy from reading (often boring and repetitive) essays all day long, and if you make your tone more lively, you can easily earn a higher score. Read through the “6” example essays in the Blue Book- they sound like they were written by intelligent and thoughtful high school seniors.</p>