<ol>
<li><p>Yes: swimming lessons. He turned into a an excellent and joyful swimmer; it just took a lot longer than it did for other kids</p></li>
<li><p>piano lessons: my personal belief is that musical literacy greatly enriches ones life. He chose to pursue a second instrument later on</p></li>
<li><p>I strongly encouraged/supported scademic rigor. It was not the norm in our school, so I felt that a countervailing influence was called for.</p></li>
<li><p>No.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Swimming lessons. Learning to operate the washer and dryer. Learning how to clean a toilet (neither of them wanted to learn THAT).</p>
<p>And, our kids both had extensive ECs in music. We insisted that they participate in ONE sport per YEAR at school…their choice.</p>
<p>We’ve “nudged” them to try things they maybe weren’t interested in initially and we’ve made them continue with commitments they started and lost interest in. </p>
<p>But we’ve never forced them into activities they dislike or to take classes that they were opposed to. </p>
<p>And we’ve been very encouraging about trying new things and offering options for new and different activities. Who knows where their talents lie? We figured we’d give them the opportunities and see what happened.</p>
<p>Made both S’s get a part-time job in h.s.
S1 did it with little complaint.
S2 complained every time he walked out the door.
It was of great benefit to both in many ways. Even S2 will admit it now.</p>
<p>I would not say “made them do something” as much as strongly encourage them…</p>
<p>My oldest son thought he would do one extracurricular his freshman year – the academic team. But I knew that he had an interest in sports and was good with numbers, so I encouraged him to do stats for the girls basketball and track teams. In the end, he was glad I did, because he met some great kids to hang with.</p>
<p>My youngest did not want to run cross country in middle school. My husband and I knew he was a high energy kid who needed the outlet, so we encouraged him to try it. He loves it … and now, as he approaches high school, he wants to do cross country, soccer, community service and continue to take sax lessons. Sure, that’s a lot of stuff, but I would rather see him busy than sitting in front of a video game 24/7.</p>
<p>Perhaps I’m being picky this morning but I feel if the OP is doing a research study that should be stated in the OP. I might answer differently or be more or less inclined to answer then if I thought it was a parent looking for other parents to weigh in on an issue they were grappling with.
Anyone else feel that way or am I just having a bad morning?</p>
<p>You are not having a bad morning. I feel the same.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I missed this part of the OPs question. </p>
<p>Doing ONE sport (the thing WE parents insisted upon) made no difference in college admissions for either of our kids…but that is NOT why we did this. We felt strongly that participation in some sports team was a good thing for them to do (both physically and socially).</p>
<p>The OP did explain in post 15 that it’s a research study, but I agree that it should have been explained in the first post. I answer much differently when I know that a question was asked for research than if I think the question was asked because a parent is trying to figure out how to raise their kids.</p>
<p>Of course I made my kids do things they didn’t want to do. I do things I don’t want to do. My husband does things he doesn’t want to do. Sometimes that’s just how it is.</p>
<p>I made my kids take swim lessons. I made my kids take family vacations. I made my son learn to ride a bicycle when he was about to give up. (He was nine, by the way. The idea that all kids can learn to ride at 5 is flat-out erroneous. Today he routinely cycles 100 miles at a whack.) I made them try one bite of foods they were sure they wouldn’t like. I made my daughter visit Reed College (she ended up going there). I forced my son to finish his MIT application on time when he was about to give up in frustration.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Yes. Of course. Few kids want to clean their rooms, walk the dog in the rain, get immunization shots, or get up early on the weekends for sports or volunteering instead of watching cartoons or sleeping in. Many kids want to play the piano or guitar, but don’t enjoy practicing. Part of being a parent is making your kids do some things that they don’t want to do. </p></li>
<li><p>Yes. Of course. Part of being a parent is helping your child find and develop his or her interests.</p></li>
<li><p>No. I can’t imagine forcing a kid to take the hardest or most rigorous classes available. I also can’t imagine letting a kid take all of the easiest classes, if that kid was an A student capable of doing 1000% more. </p></li>
<li><p>Yes. For ex., I made each of my kids volunteer weekly after the age of 15. At certain times they wanted to quit, or just not show up. They later received scholarships from the places where they volunteered, and accolades for their service records. (My kids now believe that volunteering was always their idea, and have no memory of the times that I had to force them to continue.) Likewise, my kids have no memory of the fact that I made them keep a log of activities from freshman year to use for their college applications, or that I forced them to save 1/2 of their high school earnings for college spending money although at the time they wanted to use their money for concerts and video games. (I can still hear, “But it’s my money and I should be able to spend it if I want! You’re being completely unreasonable!!!”) Of course, they were thrilled with the scholarships, having a resume ready to give to teachers writing their letters of reference, and with having a fat checkbook when they went off to college.<br>
According to them now, all of those things were their own brilliant ideas. Ah, the joys of being a parent…</p></li>
</ol>
<p>1) All our children had to be involved in one EC at school and one at church, just because it’s good for them. Oh, and piano until the age of 14.</p>
<p>2) Band, sports, scouts…</p>
<p>3) It was really up to them but we made sure they knew what our expectations were (to learn…)</p>
<p>4) I don’t really think it made much difference. Both DDs are very bright, got good grades and scholarships. DS is much to young to know yet.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Yes. Where do I start? Swimming lessons, going to church every Sunday with the family, participating in various volunteer activities we did/do as a family (Habitat for Humanity, Meals on Wheels deliveries, etc.), visiting the grandparents as they got older, staying in band for a year in high school before they could quit so they had experienced what they would be quitting, filling out scholarship applications … And we did actually force our S to go to a math camp he had qualified for in middle school; when the time came, he did not know anyone else who was going and did not want to go, but it was paid for and we had heard terrific things about the camp, so we made him go. He went – and absolutely loved it, and still keeps in touch with kids he met during it.</p></li>
<li><p>Certainly.</p></li>
<li><p>They were smart kids, were excelerated by the school district in some subjects, and always took the next classes they were eligible for, which were the most rigorous classes. We never had to force them or encourage them.</p></li>
<li><p>Our S was interested in MIT, so while visiting it, we asked if he also wanted to visit Harvard since it was so close. He said sure. He ended up choosing to apply to Harvard but not MIT, was accepted there, chose to attend there, and loves it. The visit there wasn’t “forced” by “an authority figure,” but I doubt that he would have visited there or applied there if we had not asked him if he was interested in visiting.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>1) Getting S involved in something he wasn’t initially interested in was more an issue when he was in elementary school than beyond. In almost all cases, he ended up enjoying the activities he was “cajoled” into doing. He was way too young to know he needed swimming lessons but when he almost, as a toddler, just waltzed right into a lake, that sealed it for me (plus we’re in SoCal and there are so many pools.) He’s now on the HS varsity water polo and swim teams.</p>
<p>2) Yes, we’ve encouraged him to continue with his piano lessons. These days, he’s more interested in playing pop tunes and doing “garage band” stuff with his friends, which is fine with us. We encouraged him to give Mock Trial a try in MS and now he’s continued it in HS. (His teammates want him to drop the water polo team so he can go back to playing a lawyer role rather than a witness role but he convinced them of his commitment to the water polo team, so they relented.)</p>
<p>3) If anything, we’ve had to ensure he doesn’t commit to too many rigorous classes. Last year as a junior, after having a schedule that included AP Physics C, Linear Algebra, AP English Language, AP US History, Photography and Team Aquatics, he was toying with adding AP Spanish Lit. I suggested that if he ever got sick with the flu for a few, he might get massively behind. He decided he didn’t need the Spanish Lit after all (plus he’s really not a lit guy.) He aced the classes he had … and yes, had a few coldr AND oral surgery (mercifully during spring break.)</p>
<p>4) I can’t think of anything here, other than nudging him along to start drafting ideas for the college app essays, since these will take more time than he thinks to do well.</p>
<p>I made my oldest join marching band in high school and run track.
I told her she had to try out for one sport and do one other club/activity. She had been in band in middle school and continued in high school. Marching band was optional so I told her if she wasn’t going to try out for a fall sport, she HAD to join Marching band. At first she resisted but loved it and did it for four years. In college, she reminded me of that and thanked me.
IN 7th grade I told her she HAD to do one sport. She put it off and did track. She ended up being on the track team until her senior year. thanked me for that too.</p>
<p>I also MADE her take drivers ed and get her license. She resisted getting her license fora long time. I told her she could not go away to college until she had it. She passed her driver test the day before she went to college.</p>
<p>Starting young, I often asked my kids if they wanted to join something or play a sport. Sometimes it was yes and sometimes they had other stuff to do. As long as they were busy. </p>
<p>Hard classes - yes, I occassionally pushed them into higher level classes. I required each of them to take 4 years of Math and 4 years of Science, at least. One of mine is lazy but brilliant. her teachers thought she shouldn’t take honors but I insisted - AP too. She would have died of boredom otherwise. Here you have to know your child academically and not be afraid to challenge them or back off. </p>
<p>I never made them do anything for a college application - i.e. “Run for Student Council so it will look good on your transcript.”
In high school as long as they did “something” I didn’t care what it was. They soon figured out the more they were home the more chores I could give them.</p>
<p>OP–good luck with your study.</p>
<p>
We had a swimming pool. My S took **swimming lessons **beginning at a very young age. So, I guess “yes,” but he didn’t fight it. </p>
<p>My S asked to learn to be a “Ninja turtle” right before he turned 5. I enrolled him in Tai Kwon Do with the express understanding that since the Master required payment of each year up front, my S had to finish each year he started, but could stop at the end of any year. The course year started in September. When he entered HS (9th grade) he was running Cross Country and they had a summer conditioning requirement. He wasn’t excited about having all the running and the TKD sessions that summer. He did finish out that summer doing both to the end of the TKD year and then stopped TKD and continued his running.</p>
<p>There were “chores” that S was required to do, but the TKD Master’s program included stressing respect for parents, family and self and, as part of that, the students were required to do all chores the parent assigned to them and this was something that went into when and whether the student got to test for the next level belt.</p>
<p>I informed him in junior high that he would be responsible for paying some of the expenses related to driving a car and some of his personal choice expenses and, if he wanted to go to college or travel after HS, he’d need to be able to fund part of that. So, this resulted in him finding ways to make money starting in junior high.</p>
<p>
Yes. I offered hang-gliding training after we had done some tandem in NZ. In general, I made experiences available: skiing, archery, raw cave crawling/exploring, white water rafting, horseback riding, camping, hang-gliding, para-sailing.</p>
<p>I provided travel to experience other cultures and poverty, view nature, experience history, see great works of art/archeology and genius (Fallingwater knocked his lights out).</p>
<p>I encouraged him to sample foods (and dining experiences) from the simple to the sublime.
I taught him the basics of cooking. </p>
<p>I asked him if he wanted to take the SAT as part of the Duke thing when he was in 7th grade. </p>
<p>I definitely encouraged him to read, consider, watch and listen to things that were thought provoking in addition to his course requirements. His favorite books, movies, art and music reflect this.</p>
<p>
No, S did all the course choosing, but he picked the most rigorous. In fact, 2 different years in HS he loaded up a schedule that would have required the express permission of the head of upper school and his faculty advisor and I suggested that he reconsider. He did reconsider. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>The fact that he worked and the ways he found to make money were in his apps (so he told me). I really have no idea what else he listed since he took ownership of the application process.</p>
<p>1) When my DS and DD were toddlers, I learned not to offer “yes” or “no” options. The question would go something like this: Do you want to wear the green or the blue outfit today? It was a total win/win. They felt like they were in charge (which they were), and I avoided the Terrible Twos. Still do it today. </p>
<p>If I feel there is something that really needs to be done, I let them choose between several options (timing/timeframe, etc.) and remind them that they can reward themselves (with video game time, etc.) when they are done. Truthfully, there have been a few times when something had to get done and, yes, I have been insistent. These moments have been few and far between (thank goodness.) The one time that stands out is when DS was in a gifted program in 3rd grade which loaded the kids with homework, projects, etc. I made him get all his homework done before he went out to play. Had a few tears when homework took him to dinner time, and he missed playing outside, but he is now an excellent student with a terrific work ethic. (And, yes, he really appreciates his play time - after he finishes his work) Oh, yeah, fruit before dessert. :)</p>
<p>2) Yes. In fact, they often talk me into doing what they want to do. For example, when we were on vacation a few years ago my DS wanted to try a restaurant we walked by. We put him off for days, but ended up going to the restaurant for dinner one evening. What a treat. It was truly the best food we have ever eaten. DD and I still remind DS how grateful we are that he insisted on going to this restaurant. </p>
<p>In the same vein, my children have tried many different sports, musical instruments, community groups. They found the ones they liked and stuck to them. Same with their schooling. Our county has multiple magnet programs. I took my kids to the open houses and allowed them to choose which magnet (or not) they wanted to attend. </p>
<p>3) Nope. They pick their own classes. </p>
<p>4) I don’t think so. DS asked for my help organizing the application process so we created a file folder for each college app. On his own he created a spreadsheet listing his wishes/needs regarding faculty, programs of study, etc. I was definitely the interested assistant in that process, but he did the work.</p>
<p>We forced our son to join band in 6th grade. He <em>really</em> did not want to. He has become an outstanding musician and loves it. I suspect this will help him in college admissions.</p>
<p>I can’t understand why a parent would hesitate to exert authority.</p>
<p>When my son was in second grade, he was on a soccer team and hated it. But the team was short on players (because several boys who had signed up had been found to be ineligible because of a misunderstanding about birthdays and cut-off dates). If my son dropped out, the team would have had to forfeit the rest of its games. So I made him stay. </p>
<p>He resented it enormously and has never played an organized sport again.</p>
<p>After that, I tried to go back to exerting parental authority only in instances where health and safety were involved (yes, you have to get that shot even though it hurts) or where obedience was necessary for the family to function (for many years, there was a rule that if homework had not been done in the afternoon, it had to be started immediately after dinner). In other areas, I have made my opinions known, but I have tried to go easy on the arm-twisting.</p>
<p>Sure. I made them go to bed when they didn’t want to. I made them try foods once before they rejected them. I made them get vaccinations even though they didn’t like shots. I made them take bad-tasting medicine when they were sick. I made them wear seatbelts and I made them go in carseats when they didn’t want to. I made them say please when they asked for things. I made them do homework until it became a habit and responsibility that they took on for themselves. Most of the “I made thems” happened when they were young and needed an adult to make them do things for their own good.</p>