<p>My mom knows 0 about colleges so I did the application by myself, did the test scores etc by myself, did the FAFSA/CSS profile by myself, and chose my schools by myself. I’ll also make my own final decision.</p>
<p>That’s great Emory2013. You should be proud of yourself.</p>
<p>I am having a hard time with this right now- with 2 great scholarships at a great school vs. the schools they dreamed about for 4 years. Every time I assert my opinion- fireworks so I guess I have to stay back and let them work through the process. I sure wish I had a crystal ball for them though.</p>
<p>2by2 – Tough enough to deal with one decision maker. Two of them? Mind-boggling. Are they committed to going to the same school?</p>
<p>My problem is I have fallen in love with my son’s second choice school. They have been wonderful, offered him an amazing scholarship, extra attention, beautiful campus. He prefers his number one choice, great school but much more laid back. Yes, yes I know, I am not the one going. But it is hard when you fall for different schools. It won’t be easy to say no and wonder about what could have been. sigh.</p>
<p>My S seems paralyzed by indecision. Would love to have him decide but he is actively avoiding the subject. Sigh.</p>
<p>I achieved my goal for the application process: he has a variety of schools to choose from. But he’s not choosing; he confessed to not feeling as if he knows enough to make a decision.</p>
<p>Choices include good in-state university where assertive kids seek out and find amazing opportunities, a highly regarded small LAC with an absurd price tag, another great public university at a medium-sized price (but not as strong in the area he wants to study) and a less prestigious private university offering merit money.</p>
<p>My S is just like mdparent’s–totally avoiding making a decision. His GC prodded him into applying to two in-state universities, and I insisted that he add two LACs (thank you, Common Application!). Accepted at all four, but at least he’s already turned down one of the universities and one of the LACs. I thought he’d decided on the university, but when I wanted to send in the deposit, he said he wasn’t ready.</p>
<p>He’s been waffling for two weeks now, but I can’t even get him to write down what he likes and doesn’t like about each school.</p>
<p>My oldest said he didn’t care where he went as long as computer science was good. I basically gave him a list of colleges I thought would be good fits and he applied. When it came down to acceptances I stayed out of it. I took him to see the schools, but he needed to own the final decision. I think he made the right decision.</p>
<p>This thread makes me laugh (now). My S, now a college senior, narrowed down his choice to 2 from 6 acceptances. By the way, if I had not been heavily involved in crafting the list, my wonderful procrastinator probably wouldn’t have had one!</p>
<p>Anyway, the first school was a more expensive private school out of state and the other a flagship state school he had said he always wanted to attend. After visiting the OOS private for an accepted students weekend, he suddently found himself really questioning his mental commitment to the flagship state school.</p>
<p>He was SO conflicted that during the month of April, he changed his mind at least once a day. Seriously. Drove us crazy. H & I were trying to share our thoughts about both and each school had much to offer in very different ways. S continued, daily, to ask for our opinion and we continued to be rational, thoughtful, sharing info but didn’t want to be resonsible for the FINAL DECISION (I subscribe to wjb’s theory–don’t make the decision so you don’t take any of the blame when things go wrong!).</p>
<p>Anyway, the day before the deadline, he came in to ask us once again which school he should attend. And when we gave the same answer, looking at both sides, he blurted out in frustration:<br>
“What’s wrong with You People–You can’t ever make up your mind!”</p>
<p>We couldn’t help but laugh out loud and realized he was desperate for us to take the burden off his shoulders–I also honestly believe if we would have said “go to the flagship state school” he would’ve also said “ok”.</p>
<p>(He picked the out of state private and as far as I know, hasn’t regretted it.)</p>
<p>We had saved for our two, they worked hard to achieve their dreams and then they both get these scholarships and my husband feels like since it is a top 10 school that they would just be “stupid” “spoiled” and “selfish” not to take them. Well- I feel like I’m in the middle because I see both sides (don’t we always) S1 feels like he may never get into the schools of his dreams again and is depressed (S2 is not quite as hung up- maybe a bit disappointed not to be going to the one but thrilled with the opportunity). Which is what S2 and I fight about everytime we speak, how can S1 not see the opportunity as a huge gift. I thought this was gonna be the fun part.</p>
<p>For our oldest S, now a college senior, I got very involved in coming up with the initial list to consider; not so much with picking the individual schools, but with helping him with his criteria for cutting things down. We talked a lot about how big a school, what part of the country, what he might be interested in majoring in, how likely he was to get into an individual school and finally the costs.</p>
<p>After he had a list (I think the first one had 25 schools), we drove and visited a few. We had a list that we used to rate each visit: Dorms, Campus Feel, Facilities, Friendliness, How cute the girls are, you know, important stuff. After seeing 5 schools, it started to became obvious to me, but not to him, that he really liked schools with clearly defined campuses, (not one of his/our initial criteria). Once he accepted that observation, urban campuses came off the list, he was down to about 18.</p>
<p>In the end it came down to two schools. Costs were similar at both. But we hadn’t visited one of the campuses. I took off a Friday and we visited; within 30 seconds of being on campus I knew that he had decided to attend there. I could sense the relaxtion in him and the fact that he could see himself going to that university.</p>
<p>Did I influence him? I don’t think so. I tried to help define the things that were important to him, plus add a few things that were important to me (mostly the cost issue), so that he wasn’t wasting too much time or anxiety on things that didn’t really matter to him.</p>
<p>I feel for the parents with kids who are struggling to choose. What worked for my S, and what will hopefully work for his younger brother, was all the leg work done in eliminating schools ahead of time. I was very happy that he applied to only 6 six schools, got into 5, but had a clear 2 leaders. I firmly believe he would have done well at any of the 5, but because he/we had done a lot of work during Junior and Senior year, there was a lot less stress on decision day. Good Luck to everyone</p>