<p>I’m a student, myself, about to go to college. I WILL suggest, do not call too often; if you call too much and your son feels like you’re smothering him (which it doesn’t seem like you are) then he’s likely to ignore the majority of your calls.</p>
<p>I think you can expect the same degree of communication from your college student as you have now. I would not expect more detail than you currently have. I found being willing to use D’s preferred mode of communication which was texting, Facebook and her calling me while walking to and from class helped in receiving pretty regular communication. I usually did not call and let her take the lead about how much contact she wanted to have. We got along very well and I heard from her daily usually.</p>
<p>I also found it best to let my daughter take the lead and make the phone calls, which she does about once a week, though it can sometimes be up to two weeks between calls. We email in between – maybe once or twice a week, and I also send news stories she might be interested in. We definitely hear more from her if there are problems.</p>
<p>The best thing for my peace of mind has been Twitter. I follow her posts and can see that she’s OK even when I haven’t heard from her for a while. She “tweets” many times a day, which helps me learn what’s going on in her life. I don’t use Twitter myself, but she knows I’m following her and she uses it to convey information; it’s especially convenient when she travels.</p>
<p>Although my son calls at least once a week, and sometimes answers my e-mails, I get a lot more information about what he is up to from one of his friends who still lives here in town. His friend was quite sympathetic when I complained that he knew a lot more than I did, and he told me I should set up google-talk, as that is how my son communicates with everyone else (!) </p>
<p>I don’t know, I thought maybe I should be special and not have to compete with all his pals on google-talk.</p>
<p>I expect to go full-out McCandless with my family. But then, I have good reasons for that.</p>
<p>^^^If you are referring to Christopher McCandless, keep in mind how that turned out.</p>
<p>we have agreed on some form of communication on Wed and Sun. Text, facebook…whatever. Worked for S, hoping D will follow his lead.</p>
<p>@midmo: minus the Alaska part, more of the lack of communication. :/</p>
<p>I would suggest that you expect one form of communication no more than once a week–a phone call, email or text. Especially at first-they need to focus on college adjustment and forming new relationships. </p>
<p>I would not put that out there–if you have a lonely kid who wants more frequent contact you don’t want them to feel like a loser if they communicate with you every day–but in terms of your own expectations and bugging them if they don’t call or email then I would say don’t bug a kid if you hear from them once a week.</p>
<p>What to expect can vary. </p>
<p>I recall once texting out, after hearing nothing for several weeks, “Are you alive?” Reply text came back, instantly, “Yes. Why?”</p>
<p>Another time, a child on the West Coast called in at 3 a.m. (my time on East Coast) to recount his latest project in great detail, a 90-minute call.</p>
<p>Each time I was glad to hear from them.</p>
<p>It’s hard at first, though. Can the three of you agree to something different for the very first week? It doesn’t have to represent the entire semester. I liked hearing just for a minute, anytime within the first 24 hours after drop-off, that all was basically “fine for now.” Then I could actually wait a week before hearing more.</p>
<p>Wow, you sound so much like my mom. I think I have the exact same relationship with her. She trusts me a lot, lets me come and go as I please, doesn’t mind that I drink (but obviously would prefer that I didn’t), etc. but for some reason I find it very weird to talk to my parents about things going on with girls. </p>
<p>I don’t think you should push him, to have that kind of relationship your son is probably already very independent. He might not call you all the time but I think he’ll come to realize that he misses you eventually. 
</p>
<p>Text messaging is a wonderful thing that many adults don’t seem to appreciate enough. You can shoot him a text whenever you feel like it, and he can respond whenever he feels like it and so forth. </p>
<p>It’s not as binding nor as time-consuming (and usually not as awkward, lol) as a phone call so it’s the way to go in my opinion.</p>
<p>Well, I guess I have 3 atypical boys because they are all good communicators. We hear from the older 2 about 2X a week each and the youngest more frequently, usually when walking across campus. We all text back and forth. The best calls are always the ones initiated by the kids on their schedule, so if I need to tell them something I usually text “call when you get a chance”. </p>
<p>I think one of the keys to keeping the communication going is to not turn each call into an interrogation…Have you made friends? Have you started that English paper? Doing your laundry? Getting enough sleep? Grades?..ugh. In the beginning definitely do not ask questions that only require yes/no answers or could elicit negative responses, like “how’s the roommate, food, prof?” These can open a whole can of worms for a kid who may be homesick. Instead have conversations that you would have if they were still home. Talk about a book you just read, favorite shows, politics, sports, music. If you let let them see into your life, they may just let you see into theirs.;)</p>
<p>My S is now a risng college junior. Like OP’s son, my S had did the college investigation and visits by himself. Also, he had traveled w/o parents and been at camps etc for extended periods throughout junior high and HS. We started his freshman year with the phone call 1X a week at a specific time and day. Stopped that after the 3rd call. </p>
<p>It was painful (on both ends) and non-informative. We went to call when you want (both ends). We communicated a little by email or IM (maybe once a week or 10 days) and very infrequent calls for the entire freshman year. </p>
<p>Communication picked up a little soph year.</p>
<p>I don’t have a son, I have 2 daughters. I have the opposit problem. I get a whole sale dump from both of them, good or bad - here it is mom. I hear from D1 daily, even now when she is 7000 miles away. D2 is away at a ballet camp. She is not as open with information as D1, but she’ll call me to cry for half an hour when there is too much emotion tied up. I have learned to take a deep breath when they start to dump on me and not get too stressed out. In my experience, whatever they are feeling shall pass.</p>
<p>I have two boys in college. Generally, we talk about once a week. Some weeks less, but usually there are texts letting me know they are alive and well. They both call whenever something really good or really bad happens. Learn to text: when kids are living in dorm rooms and often have roommates around, it can be awkward to try to have a private conversation. They do not use email. Also, employ the “24 Hour Rule.” The 24 Hour Rule states that anytime your kid calls you hysterical, angry, confused, or full of despair over some random situation at college (obviously, this does not include mental or physical illness), you do not start worrying and trying to fix anything or stay up all night figuring out a solution. Within 24 hours, they have likely forgotten all about whatever was upsetting them. Another good rule of thumb is to have something interesting to talk about. Tell them you miss them and then move on to more interesting subjects.</p>
<p>We hear from the older one voluntarily about once a week via email, but he checks his email most days and will respond to direct questions. He is in Brazil at the moment and they have a swine flu epidemic so closed the college in Rio until August 18th. He sent an email on Thursday saying he was feeling sick. I waited two days before I couldn’t resist and sent him a direct question on Saturday asking him to give me an update on his health. He replied within a couple of hours that he was fine now and planning to travel since he has no school so would be out of touch for a week (not taking his laptop). I’m glad I asked because it probably would not have occurred to him to touch base before leaving and I would be in full panic mode if I sent him an email and got no response, when his last communication had been that he was sick. He has a cell phone for in-country use but has specifically told us not to call it. He wouldn’t be happy with me if we tracked him down for nothing. It is a fine balancing act.</p>
<p>As usual, thanks everyone for the reply. It seems like once a week of some form of communication like email or phone call seems to be the general consensus. </p>
<p>By the way, I posted the same question to the forum of the school S is going to to get student input. One kid, who identified himself as a high school student still said something to the effect of “well, if you are paying a full tuition for your son, you deserve at least two meaningful phone calls a week from him” Can I adopt this kid? What have his parents taught him that I neglected to impart with my son ;)</p>
<p>Granted S is only going an hour away but I do not expect any phone calls unless he intiates it. What we do now, and it works great, it to text back and forth. We even do this in the house sometimes. He is not a talker and I do not expect to talk with him unless he calls us. I do expect to text him at random times with simple questions and to get a text back. i do think this is the way a lot of young men communicate best.</p>
<p>Yet D calls or e-mails nearly daily from 3,000 miles away.</p>
<p>mom of rising college junior. It’s getting better with time. First 6 weeks of college didn’t hear much. Works much better when HE initiates contact.</p>
<p>Just to say how far he’s come, we had a 90 MINUTE conversation yesterday. I don’t think we spoke that much his entire senior year of HS.</p>