<p>My son does have some special needs. But he is very intelligent, supposedly. Basically, I have had to tell him what to do every single step of the way. He needs no help at all in finding which video games to play or how to play. He can find out every single thing there is about every video game out there. However, he cannot even figure out what colleges exist (unless I tell him) or if they have his major or how to apply or what he needs to go there. I told him that I can tell he does not want to go, so we need to make a different plan. But then he swears up and down that he wants to go to college very bad, it is all he wants. Then I tell him that he needs to get his act together. </p>
<p>Yesterday, since he claims his top choice college is one I drug him off to visit, I told him he needs to look over the application and at least start to attempt work on the essay. Later, he comes to me saying he is having a hard time finding statistics regarding video games, all he finds is gambling statistics when he googles gaming. In the end, it turned out he wanted to write his essay on profits made by the video game industry. He apparently did not comprehend that he needed to look at the college application to find out what he was supposed to write about and was trying to write about money earned in the video game industry. To top it off, he said "because I cannot find any statistics, can I just make them up?" ummm.....no!</p>
<p>I went back and told him he NEEDS to look at the application. He clicks on the college admissions page and says "see...it says I can just write an essay." I said "yes, the essay and possible topics are on the application, have you read the application?" he says no. He claims there is no application. I point to the first line of the list on the admissions page. He finally, for the first time, looks over the application.</p>
<p>Basically, my problem is, I have to walk him through every single step of the way. He actually asked me if he should use his real name when he applies for scholarships. Ummm..yes. Maybe this is all about his processing disorder, I do not know. But I feel like I do not know how this child will get through college. I am so frustrated! And there is no help through the schools. I have tried to speak to his special education counselor and she is clueless. No one with the schools is willing to help or ever helps.</p>
<p>Brings back memories of my son as a HS senior. Procrastination king. Deadlines were met (midnight CALIFORNIA time for one app). I recommend that your son discuss with his HS guidance counselor early on when school starts again. Sometimes boys shut out parents and will listen to other adults. I would lay off bugging him during the rest of his summer vacation. Tell him he will need to do things by end September deadlines you impose- eg having a list of several viable schools/plans, timetable for doing essays and apps, guidance counselor visit(s). He needs to own the process. He also needs some down time from academic related stuff. Make an agreement with him that you won’t discuss college with him until September and that then he needs to get moving. He will be more motivated once he is with his peers and back in an academic setting.</p>
<p>Do you have to hold his hand and read through homework assignments with him or is this just passive-aggressive behavior over college? If, during a regular school assignment, he needs someone to read over the question, analyze it and tell him it’s not ok to make up facts, he is not ready for college. If he is just being passive-aggressive, leave him alone, make sure he knows the deadlines are inflexible and point him to school resources. There’s a good chance the English teacher will have the students work on their essays or offer to go over it. Oh, and for my passive aggressive kid, I had a plan B-- in Nov, I filled out a no essay application and said to get guidance to send transcript and scores. I also said that if kiddo didn’t do own essays, kiddo would be attending the no essay school. Suddenly, kiddo was motivated not to end up at a school mom chose.</p>
<p>I hired a college counselor to nag my kids, and left it up to the counselor and them to ensure they had everything under control. If he doesn’t get his act together he’ll end up at the local community college until he can figure it out.</p>
<p>But you are right, if he can’t get his act together enough to find and fill out an application on his own, the chances of him doing well in college courses while being on his own are slim.</p>
<p>my mom had to nag me as well. I am a student with aspergers and whatnot and i was absolutely lost. I chose my school, however, my app was sent in a few days before deadline.</p>
<p>I, too, am good at video games, but that is only because it is a controlled enviorment (do this and this will happen) with no consequences in real life. For example, it took me years before i could sort and do laundry on my own. Same goes with the lawnmower. Or a pearing knife for that matter (i also have issues with motor skills, so that might be the reason behind this one).</p>
<p>Our school counselors are worthless. But, he has had a counselor through the school who does hand hold him to make sure everything is done and turned in. That is a special education counselor, not the one who is in the counseling office who should help with college applications and such. The one in that office is just terrible and no help. Her answer to everything is community college. That is her answer to the valedictorian, and the person at the bottom of the class. She just says everyone should go to community college, end of discussion.</p>
<p>If you can afford it, your son might be the perfect candidate for a few hours meetings with a private college counselor.</p>
<p>Given what you have said about your school’s GC, you aren’t going to get help there.</p>
<p>And you don’t want to damage your relationship with your son over what can be a very stressful process.</p>
<p>Although if you suspect he is just being passive aggressive, and not truly lost in space, I would be tempted to take him out for coffee and gently call him on his behavior…</p>
<p>something along the lines of </p>
<p>“I was really and genuinely surprised by your inability to decipher the basic requirements in the college application I pulled up for you to fill out. I didn’t realize that you really lack the basic capabilities to answer an essay prompt or to understand that you can’t just make things up when you don’t find an answer right away. Maybe college isn’t the right choice for you, at least not right now. Why don’t we check out vocational alternatives for you instead? And maybe you can continue working on your academics until they are at a level appropriate to be successful in a college setting.”</p>
<p>So if he was doing this to antagonize you, an independent third party to hold him accountable to do what he needs to do and when he needs to do it would be a good thing.</p>
<p>And if he is really as incapable as he made out to you…well, then, that is a different situation.</p>
<p>If the problem is his lds, ask the special ed counselor if he/she has seen similar kids be successful at college and, if so, what college. I am concerned that if he needs someone to hold his hand and make sure everything is done and turned in, he is not ready to go away to college. I believe most schools with support rely on the student pursuing the help. I would look into an ld school and see if any have that level of support or I would look at schools closer to home. If money is no object, a program like this might be the answer: [About</a> AHEADD](<a href=“aheadd.org - This website is for sale! - aheadd Resources and Information.”>aheadd.org)</p>
<p>If you can afford it, you would benefit from a college counselor with experience in working with special ed kids. What part of the world do you live in? </p>
<p>A good college counselor will not only bring extra knowledge and experience to the table, but will assume much of the responsibility to get your kid to do what he is supposed to do. That alone is worth the cost.</p>
<p>(and all that unintentional plagiarism was before I read boysx3 post)</p>
<p>There is a difference between appearing disinterested in the college application process and being absolutely unable to figure out how to apply to college. From what the OP describes, it sounds very much as though the young man in question is not ready.</p>
<p>I’d be tempted to try to draw parallels between video gaming and the college app process. Maybe: you have to find games that fit your interests; same for colleges. You have to find the game rules and learn them; you have to check the instructions on the college apps to learn how to work them, too. Etc.</p>
<p>If he is this “disinterested,” he may also be sending a signal in the only way he can, that he’s not ready for that new experience, the new challenges he’ll face, and the independence.</p>
<p>A friend’s son had profound Aspergers issues, but was brilliant in math-sci. For good reasons, he ended up at cc- and by the spring of 2nd year, was just finishing freshman courses. It was a shame, for several reasons, including the bruise to this smart kid. A college counselor- to help him find schools and apply to them, maybe gain admittance- may not be as important as a counselor who can help determine what his true “best path” might be. It may not be college, at this stage.</p>
<p>Yes, hs students (especially boy, but sometimes girls too) do have a tendency to procrastinate. OP - If you son has challenges serious enough to warrant special ed counselor, then you should be looking for colleges that encourage his strengths and accommodate his weaknesses. Typically college is A LOT harder than hs, academically and organizationally. </p>
<p>If the school resources can’t help, seek out local parent advise. Also check the “Learning Differences and Challenges - LD, ADHD” section threads…</p>
<p>Your son may NEED more help with the college application process than others. We asked our kids what kind of help they wanted organizing the college applications and such. We figured out what needed to be done and then they did what they could alone, and then we helped with the rest.</p>
<p>I would strongly suggest that you consider colleges with excellent disability services. You want your son to be able to get help if he needs it (he will need to avail himself of these services himself).</p>
<p>If you are very concerned that video games will consume his time, perhaps starting off taking a couple of classes at a school where he can commute would be a better choice than a residential college.</p>
<p>BUT to answer your question …how much help? We gave our kids whatever help they needed…and it varied depending on the college, and the kid.</p>
<p>There are colleges for LD kids and colleges that have special programs for LD kids. </p>
<p>I have a friend whose son was at both. (Started at a small college in FL with just LD kids… very small program/school and he transferred to Adelphi University in NY which has a special program. </p>
<p>It sounds like your son will need a program that will match his own needs.</p>
<p>If your son does not have a crasp of colleges, application process, it sounds like you need to do the work of investigating the best fit for him. Nothing wrong in that.</p>
<p>My daughter has no special needs but I had to nag her A LOT about application deadlines because she is such a procrastinator! You would have thought, for a time last fall, that she didn’t want to go to college either. Good news, it all got done, on time and she is leaving for school in a few weeks. </p>
<p>just keep nagging. Since she has been accepted by her college she has excitedly filled out all forms on her own. Sounds like he may be scared of the future and all the unknowns, even of rejection?</p>
<p>I had to handhold my son through the college selection and application process. I think if I’d let him completely on his own, he would have eventually made it happen, but to be honest, I didn’t trust that he’d do a quality job, get things in on time, etc. </p>
<p>He did independently manage his high school work…although occasionally he’d get himself in a bind and ask for help on last-minute paper-editing.</p>
<p>I was worried as to if he would pull himself together and manage independently when he got to college, but he did. He had some adjustments the first quarter – alarm clock issues, getting sufficient sleep, managing logistics – but his grades were reasonable. By the 2nd and 3rd quarter he got his act together and made Dean’s list both quarters.</p>
<p>My vote is to help where help is needed and allow independence where the kid can handle it. I don’t think there’s harm in helping them through the process as long as you feel his school record indicates there’s a reasonable expectation of success. Remember, all kids mature at different rates. I don’t think it’s uncommon for boys in particular to need more assistance. (My daughter is 4 years younger than my son, and I often thought that she seemed more ready for college than he is.) You son will be 5% older by the time he leaves for college and there is rapid change/development in those high school years.</p>
<p>What you don’t want to do is spend your last year together in a battle. Encouraging independence in a supportive way is a much better recipe for a long-term successful relationship.</p>
<p>OP, you might want to consider a program like CLE in Denver for your son. A CC poster who goes by the name of Cardinal Fang has a son who has benefitted from that program.</p>
<p>OP, do you have to help him organize and meet deadlines for his schoolwork? If so, you are acting as his executive function coach and you will likely need to hire an executive function coach for him if he is to be successful in college. If you have a feeling in your gut that he’s not ready to go away, listen to it. He only has that good HS transcript and good test scores once. Be careful.</p>
<p>One more thing: If he is on ADD meds, are you working with the medicated version of him or the non-medicated version? My son would work on colllege stuff after homework, meaning the meds had worn off, meaning he was The Most Distractible Person on the Planet.</p>
<p>(In DD’s case, she went back to a regular alarm clock after realizing the nightly alarm setting ritual was helpfu. But for other kids it might be really helpful).</p>