<p>I had to handhold my son through the college selection and application process. I think if I’d let him completely on his own, he would have eventually made it happen, but to be honest, I didn’t trust that he’d do a quality job, get things in on time, etc. </p>
<p>He did independently manage his high school work…although occasionally he’d get himself in a bind and ask for help on last-minute paper-editing.</p>
<p>I was worried as to if he would pull himself together and manage independently when he got to college, but he did. He had some adjustments the first quarter – alarm clock issues, getting sufficient sleep, managing logistics – but his grades were reasonable. By the 2nd and 3rd quarter he got his act together and made Dean’s list both quarters.</p>
<p>My vote is to help where help is needed and allow independence where the kid can handle it. I don’t think there’s harm in helping them through the process as long as you feel his school record indicates there’s a reasonable expectation of success. Remember, all kids mature at different rates. I don’t think it’s uncommon for boys in particular to need more assistance. (My daughter is 4 years younger than my son, and I often thought that she seemed more ready for college than he is.) You son will be 5% older by the time he leaves for college and there is rapid change/development in those high school years.</p>
<p>What you don’t want to do is spend your last year together in a battle. Encouraging independence in a supportive way is a much better recipe for a long-term successful relationship.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>