We fought with this a bit. We have really good IS schools public and private but S’s major narrowed it to 2 schools that were excellent in that major. One he grew up disliking and I couldn’t see sending him there. The other was ok and VERY cheap. All other schools were OOS land grant universities with veterinary colleges attached. (what he really wanted). They varied greatly in price. One was a terrific fit, got some good merit, but still very expensive. It also had lots of distractions that worried me a bit. We had trouble paying the extra for this school. Luckily it didn’t come to that and another school came up with a great deal which S immediately jumped on. It was still about $10 more per year than our IS but well worth it (and in our budget!).
Overall it depends on the family, the student and the degree (engineering is different than pre-med, different than pre-vet, different than the arts, different than business). First came what can we afford, second what do we really feel we should spend, then what fits academically, then what fits socially. Then it came to give and take. Every option had different pros and cons. So long answer made short … it depends.
I sheepishly admit that I have not sacrificed that much to send my kid to an expensive private school, and that the reason I didn’t spend a lot of money on expensive things was because it just happens that the things I enjoy the most – such as hiking, reading, watching Netflix movies and making my own coffee – are not that expensive and because I am too lazy to maintain an expensive car, fitness club membership or go golfing. I like hiking, exercise in my backyard etc. Very low maintenance by nature. I can easily live in a 500 SF house with a nice bed, shower and internet; the main reason I live in a big house is because my wife wants to and we can afford it.
Like the comment about fit being addressed with applications as in, only apply to schools that fit whether they be match or reach. Then the dollars fall where they may.
Sometimes I do wonder whether the “fit” is closer to what the kid wants or actually needs? The kid may want a large school whereas the kid really needs a smaller, more supportive school. Not that easy.
Web- be careful in conflating small with supportive.
I know lots of parents who think that a small college is going to take over the scaffolding and support that the parents have been providing. And then they are shocked- shocked- that professors don’t walk into their kids dorm to shake their kid out of bed for an 8 am lab or 9 am lecture.
If you are paying extra for a small college under the assumption that small equals Mom and Dad’s helicoptering, you are in for a big surprise.
There are big colleges which offer a lot of support, and small colleges which do a terrible job of supporting kids who need it. YMMV. But NO college is going to provide the hand-holding that mom and dad- in some cases- have been providing.
Your kid misses dinner in the dining hall due to an athletic practice or a late review session? Food service folks don’t send a meal up to the dorm. That’s why diners and fast food restaurants cluster around college campuses.
Also avoid conflating “big” with “better.”
Looking back I have no regrets. We inherited enough money just before our kids started college that would cover the costs. We’ve been lucky with investments and even after forking over full tuitions we had the same sum at the end of all of it. Costs ranged from $25,000 -$50,000 or so and the neither kid chose the cheapest option though they also didn’t choose the highest ranked school either. They are both gainfully employed. For the oldest where he went was I think both helpful, but also made for an ideal four years for him. Younger kid, I’m not 100% sure chose the right school for him. His current profession didn’t need the particular school he attended, but I don’t think he regrets the choice. Nor do I.
I have only read the first half of the posts so I apologize if this has been addressed.
I would encourage you to take into account the fact that you (and your child) might be wrong about your perception of fit. We decided it was worth it to pay somewhat more for both of our kids to attend the schools that seemed to be better fits, but once they got there, other factors that weren’t apparent to us, made it clear that their second choices probably would have been better for them overall.
S stayed where he was and was fine, but occasionally thinks to regret the extra investment (maybe $25K total). D transferred after her first year to what was probably her 3rd choice school and is happy as a clam. The financial difference isn’t really significant in her case. My point is that you may think you can evaluate fit from the outside, but that might not be true in reality. I’m talking about the atmosphere, social life and perceived academic level, but same could be true for majors offered or geographic location if the kid changes their mind over time. And, of course, you’ll never know if another school might have been better if they are happy where they ended up.
I will also say, in my experience, if your kid is saying: Well, I’ve lived in a city my whole life, I WANT to live in the middle of nowhere! And you know they will die without access to foreign films and pho, then don’t hesitate to speak up about that! 
Edited to note that “foreign films” probably isn’t a deal breaker these days, so insert your favorite urban amenity here!
Also, to reinforce @blossom, don’t assume that Women’s colleges will be “nurturing” for a kid who refuses to ask to be nurtured and who wants to curl up and die when people demand that she nurture them. And don’t assume that a geeky northwestern hippie kid will fit right in with geeky frisbee playing landlocked kids. Sometimes it is hard to suss out the emotional and cultural barriers from what you observe on college tours or even with extensive research and input from friends who are on the ground.
From our experience, fit is hard to evaluate with any certainty. It should weigh into, but not drive your decision.
Noting that @saillakeerie (#53) and @PragmaticMom (#68) did make my point (#87) earlier. But more concisely.
I was just using small and big colleges as an example. I do agree it’s not easy to find out whether a particular school will be the best fit for a particular kid. That’s why some people go with the prestige or money saving. Even if your kid is thriving at Yale, that doesn’t mean the kid wouldn’t have thrived at Duke or Honors College. You can be at Harvard and have a whacko roommate and be miserable, or you can be at Honors College and feel stifled. A lot depends on the kid himself and luck, like anything in life. I am sure I can be thriving in AL for several years, just as I can thrive in Southern CA.
Thriving is a great word. “Fit” provides a platform which encourages one to thrive. Then it becomes all about the kid. Will they step out of their comfort zone and try new things? If fit is good (nothing will be perfect), the transformation is fantastic. If not, it can still work, just not as smooth or enjoyable.
S is at a good size school with the right vibe for him. I’m convinced he is doing things and participating at a level he otherwise wouldn’t at a large, impersonal setting. All the clubs and sports and business school opportunities would exist, I just don’t think he would put himself out there. I’ll never know but I do see him brimming with confidence as he navigates his setting.
"There are big colleges which offer a lot of support, and small colleges which do a terrible job of supporting kids who need it. "
I’d love feedback on this topic, and experiences with specific colleges – can we have some here, or I will happily start a new thread on this?
S19 could really benefit from this info.
@Postmodern Have at it, I won’t be upset if people glean useful info from this thread, no matter the topic.
You might be surprised.
At the parent session at college orientation for my D, the dean of first year students said that if a kid isn’t showing up to class they will reach out, up to and including that dean personally “banging on the dorm door”. IDK if it happens in practice but he said it.
A student can certainly expect emails and other attempts at communication before that. I have first hand knowledge of that from my own LAC (where I was not happy and had taken to spending increasingly long weekends away from campus). I had to purposely ignore those handwritten messages in my inbox (this was the 80s so it was a literal inbox in the student mail room). In my case it didn’t work, I left the school, but a serious effort on the part of the college was definitely made. Maybe they did come to my dorm - I likely wasn’t there 
Unless your student is pursuing a rare or niche major, it’s generally true that you can find the right fit at every price point. So, my question is why would you pay more if you don’t have to? And why is it okay to pay more for fit, but so shameful to pay more for prestige?
Fit is unknowable until the student actually lives on campus and interacts with his cohort of peers and professors, which is fluid and unique at each point in time. It’s a big gamble, but we all seem to be okay with chasing fit at any price.
In contrast, prestige is knowable. You know how people react when you drop the name of the school. You know where a school is ranked and generally know its reputation in the popular culture. And yet, chasing prestige is looked down upon here.
You don’t have to pay more for fit - because fit can be found at every price point. This is not true for prestige. In general, prestige is found only in the upper price range. If you want prestige, or the security and peace of mind that comes with prestige, you have to be willing to engage at a higher price point.
Re: #95
For many students and parents, “fit” appears to be defined as “prestige”. Such students and parents often have the hardest time finding safeties, because anything that can be a safety has insufficient “prestige”.
In general, it does appear that when people say “fit” around these forums, they overemphasize factors other than academics and cost, even though these should be the most important “fit” factors.
However, “at every price point” may not be strictly true. Those with very limited financial resources may not be able to find any “fit” at all (even if the student is not picky in terms of rare major, or in any other aspect). For example, suppose a poor family student with a 2.5 HS GPA lives in rural Pennsylvania too far to reasonably commute to any college.
^^ in another thread, people were quick to make the distinction that they were, in fact, not chasing prestige but instead fit. It is a distinction that a lot of people are passionate about preserving.
I interpreted the question to be “would you pay more for” rather than “can you pay more for.” I assumed the question was aimed at people who could pay more for fit, and how much more they would be willing to pay. Families like the theoretical one you mentioned in Pennsylvania can’t pay more for fit, so they would not be answering this question.
Kiddo is a junior so we are not at that decision level yet. However, my sister is well off and childless and went to a particular prestigious school. Sister’s wife went to a different equally prestigious school. They’ve told us that they believe that kiddo would do very well at either one of their alma maters, and the kid likes both schools.
Well, no, like is too weak a word. Kid would be over the moon to be accepted to either one.
In a way my kid would be paying a lot more for ‘fit’ for either of these schools (on the assumption he gets in) but that extra money won’t be coming out of his or my pockets.
The hypothetical student/family in #96 is one who may not be able to go to any college at all, since the critical “fit” criterion of affordable price is out of reach.