<p>I was reading in another thread in this forum about a mom who didn't think her S was ready to go to college for a variety of reasons, one being she did the majority of college planning for him. My S has been the most independent student of my three- rarely lets me see anything he submits and I usually never know when he has a test. He is a big procrastinator, so I usually know something is up when I see his light on at 2 am. My nagging about grades didn't do any good until he realized how many kids at his private school had grades higher than him(and who they were)</p>
<p>This involvement in the college process is a slippery slope, that I find myself more on with my youngest S for a variety of reasons- - my older kids applied to 5-6 colleges, got into their top choice- wasn't as competitive then so we all easily agreed on top choice;<br>
I'm finding now that I have to give more guidance- what is affordable, what might be affordable with merit; probably unaffordable. If merit criteria were clearly defined then it would be easier but its not. For example, for awhile my S's top choice was NYU- enough said. The affordability factor I feel is taking away some of his choice and participation.</p>
<p>I did create a simple spreadsheet for him with deadlines for the colleges(particularly scholarship) on his large list, these deadlines are way too important to miss and many of them are different.</p>
<p>I have planned the two big trips we took- one to CA and one to the South with S's criteria. Again with airline tickets, car rentals etc it was fairly complicated. But, huge focus on schools I knew would most likely be affordable. Totally by accident I found a summer program on one of these websites that offered, full tuition, room & board with my S's stats that he applied to and is currently enjoying now.</p>
<p>I certainly won't be involved in his aps. Hope he will at least let me look at the essay, but as he is a good writer, I'm not overly concerned. I am not pushing him to apply at the uber competitive schools his B&S went to (unfortunately unaffordable now) I am definitely not weighing in on major as I made that mistake with older S; but encouraging him to keep his options open. I'm not suggesting he take the SATs again, he did fairly well. </p>
<p>At this point I think as a family we are having fun with it. When I talk to other parents who are taking this to an extreme sport; I think I am doing ok(but I am on CC!). Then why do I feel sometimes I am doing too much?</p>
<p>I don’t see that you are doing too much for your son. You spoke with your son about what is affordable. That way, there are no surprises. If he earns the merit money and likes the school, great. It’s a win-win situation.</p>
<p>The spreadsheet is something I tell all my students about – it’s an awesome organizational tool that will make a senior year, which is always busy, a little better. My son designed his spreadsheet and used it a lot. I had one student several years ago who never thought of the spreadsheet. He missed the financial aid deadline by a few days. Didn’t think it would be an issue. It was. It was his dream school, too. He ended up at another school. While he has been happy there, he probably took away an option, because he did not file on time. </p>
<p>The trips you planned, well, you cannot expect your son to do that. You visited schools that interested him. </p>
<p>Truthfully, I think that you have done well. No one is stressing. That’s good. Senior year has enough stressful things going on. Much luck!</p>
<p>Most HS students need help with organizing. I helped D create a calendar with due dates, etc. Also, I scheduled her trips for auditions and college visits. But, I stayed out of the actual application process. It was all hers. Could I have helped improve her essays? Sure, but I think it is important for the work to be all hers. After all, the work in college will have to be all hers. D missed a few deadlines for scholarships (which she may or may not have gotten) but is actually earning more money over the summer than she could have earned from private scholarships. Also, she learned an important lesson when she saw less qualified kids at Senior Awards Day receiving the scholarships that she could have gotten. I think your involvement is just about right.</p>
<p>“At this point I think as a family we are having fun with it” — That says it all. Congratulations… </p>
<p>When I talk to other parents who are taking this to an extreme sport, - I don’t know if that makes for a happier or better life in the long run…</p>
<p>^^I agree with that. It is not an extreme sport. It is not going to make or break a the life of one of the kids. The outcome is not a parental GPA. It is a point where a decision gets made, the proverbial fork in the road but either fork can lead to an interesting journey.</p>
<p>No, I don’t think you are “doing too much.” It is just wise to plan the trips. It is helpful to make the spreadsheet. It is important to discuss finances. That is an entirely different level than picking the colleges and doing the apps.</p>
<p>There are parents that do it all for their kids in terms of college applications. By every measure, even their own, it is too much, but they do it and many times those kids get into schools that are great fits for them and are successful.</p>
<p>I think it’s only too much when the student doesn’t know the names of the schools that “she” applied to and only find out which school “she” will be attending in the fall on move-in day.</p>
<p>I think it is parental malpractice to fail to articulate what would be affordable and what would not. However you do it, it’s got to be done and if you can find a way to impart the necessary information that is fun for the family, then I salute you.</p>
<p>When both of my Ds applied, I asked that they hold one “parent-choice” slot on their list (got that concept from CC) because both of their schools required the apps to be in to the GC by October and I wanted one outlier to give a different perspective in the case that there were major changes from app time to decision time. In D2’s case this past year, she will be attending the “parent choice” school because after she was accepted, we went to visit and found her place. She was very involved at every step of the process, but as her mom, I had the idea that she might be happier in a larger school with more options, but she applied to smaller schools because she thought she might feel safer and more nurtured. At decision time, she was more confident and more ready to go to college and decided that she didn’t need to be safe and nurtured and that she was perfectly competent to take advantage of a variety of opportunities in pursuit of her dream.</p>
<p>I think what you’re doing/have done is the right amount of help. You’ve kept things organized and - most important - the issue of affordability has been dealt with up front. There are very bright kids who have no idea what their parents make or can afford until too much time and effort have been spent on a pipe dream.</p>
<p>Affordability and quality of education is a discussion that should go hand in hand and be thoroughly explored very early on. I don’t think quality of education and prestige are necessarily the same thing, quality can be negatively affected by unreasonable cost - you can’t take advantage of the enriching environment if you’re waiting tables at the local Denny’s trying to pay your bills until all hours of the night.</p>