<p>I'll be doing a short study abroad trip (about a month and a half) starting in a couple of weeks in Russia. My parents are very, very clingy people, and when I announced to my mom that I had no plans to Skype her EVERY day she got offended and went on a rant about how since they are helping pay for the trip, they get to dictate how often I'll talk to them. She insisted on Skyping nearly every day while I was at school this year too, and she would get sad if I told her I was too busy or didn't feel like talking.</p>
<p>So, from a parent's perspective, how much is too much? How much is too little? I'm predicting that I just won't have time - I mean, the 10 hour time difference aside, I'll be going to classes and afterwards I hope to not just sit around in my room doing nothing.</p>
<p>I don’t think there’s any one right answer. When my son was traveling in India and Pakistan over winter break - we asked for a short text or e-mail each day just to know where he was. It didn’t have to say more than “I am fine”. This summer he’s spending 7 weeks in Jordan. I asked for him to let us know when he arrives (which he has), and more or less when he meets up with the program (which he hasn’t yet, but I am assuming he’s just busy or has forgotten). We’ve set up Skype, but don’t know where he’ll have internet access yet. I see no reason to talk to him more than once a week. He’s supposed to be doing language immersion, so the less he hears from us the better!</p>
<p>D has been overseas since Jan. and will return in Aug.
We have communicated mainly by email. Just got on Skype a couple times. Schedules don’t match up well, and I understand that she has been very busy with school and traveling.</p>
<p>Personally, as a mom, I’d like to hear from her once a week at the very least.
Even a short email just to let me know she’s OK. Two or three short emails a week would be be more reassuring for me, and IMO, not too much of a burden on her. (I haven’t heard from her in a week now, and I’m starting to get a bit anxious. . .It doesn’t help when I hear news stories of American students getting robbed, murdered, or killed in accidents overseas. . .)</p>
<p>I’m not a “clingy” mom, but I worry about her safety. I do think that, out of respect for her parents, and the fact that H and I are paying for her schooling, she owes us an occasional confirmation that she is still alive.</p>
<p>I spent 3 years overseas when I was young. I wrote to my family, religiously, (snail-mail) at least once a week–pages of details. They saved all the letters and gave them back to me as my “diary.”</p>
<p>I think every day is overdoing it. Can you email her every other day and get on Skype once a week? IMO that would be reasonable for a “clingy” parent.</p>
<p>I think I called my parents every 3-5 days when I was abroad. If I was travelling I would contact them when I left and when i got back to my main location. We were also facebook friends so they were able to see my pictures and keep up with me that way. I think there’s no 100% perfect answer for this. The time difference is a major factor and to a large extent will dictate what you’re able to do. Especially if your parents work and so are only home at certain times.</p>
<p>Any frequency that indicates that you are concentrating more on me than on your own experience.</p>
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<p>For me, if you are not moving locations, once when you arrive, once in the first week to give an overview, and (assuming the overview doesn’t indicate any health or safety concernso once as you leave to let me know the plane is taking off for sure. Less than that might make me a little antsy, but that’s my problem not yours. BTW-- last summer my then rising senior S solo backpacked through Cambodia and Malayasia. It was much less frequent than that due to availability. I survived.</p>
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<p>I think some parents forget that this is not the student’s “play life,” it is real life. You decide what is reasonable and do that.</p>
<p>I am speaking as a mom here. My youngest DD has done the most traveling of the 3 children. She spent a semester in Lyon, a summer studying at LSE and the past 2 years living in Singapore (which in daylight savings time was a 12 hour difference). </p>
<p>I always wanted to know when she got there safe and sound. When she was in Europe I liked hearing from her in any manner (phone or e-mail) 2-3 times a week, but that was really e-mail. They weren’t long, but just a “I’m okay, and this is what is going on next week”. </p>
<p>Singapore was tough for me. We couldn’t just pick up the phone and call her. At first we Skyped every 10 days or so, then it became less frequent. We would chat online, but even that was hit or miss. She managed to travel quite a bit around Asia, and of course I worried about that. However, she would post on Facebook whenever she got home from a trip, so that helped a great deal. She would post on my Facebook page, so I knew she was alive. She also talked or chatted with her 2 sisters, so between us we kept up pretty well. One of the best things was both she and DH had Blackberries. When we went to breakfast on Sunday morning he would BBM with her. That was good, too. </p>
<p>It is hard for parents to let go. I would try for maybe 3 times a week, with once a week skype and the rest e-mails, if you are able. Try to be as newsy as possible in the e-mails. Hopefully, your mom with be able to deal with that. Someday, you will know how she is feeling.</p>
<p>My sons sent short emails every few days, and we skyped occasionally when they had time. With my younger son, I also “tracked” him by keeping an eye on a ■■■■■■■■■■ site I set up and paid for, where he posted thousands of pictures from his travels. I could tell he had returned to his home away from home on a Sunday night when the photos from his weekend travel started to upload.</p>
<p>Definitely email or Skype a couple of times early on - let her know you arrived and got settled in. Then , maybe again, after your first class. After that, I think every couple of days, a short email or Skype -whichever works in terms of schedule. When my husband is on the road and there is an annoying time difference, we just keep Skype available so that when we are both on, we can chat.
Let her know when you are leaving too.
Sending or posting photos is great idea.</p>
<p>I think a phone call or e-mail when you arrive, and then an email every couple of weeks should be fine, but I doubt your parents would agree with me, so perhaps you can arrange a skype session once a week? I think any more than that, unless there is a problem, might subtract from your experience. Plus, you might not have ready access to Internet connections, although your parents might think International charges for your phone would be fine with them, just to hear from you…</p>
<p>Back in the day, I sent my parents a telegram after I arrived, and then wrote a letter once every two weeks or so, less often if I was traveling.</p>
<p>Skyping is not that easy with the difference in time. Every day is too much. Never is too little. Once a week worked for us, if it works with the travel schedule.</p>
<p>There are many interruptions to electricity and internet service in some countries, so it may not even be possible to skype every day!
Emails, on the other hand, can become your “journal”, which you should absolutely keep! This will help you to synthesize your experiences and you will get more out of the trip if you keep up with journaling.
So, how about several emails a week in a “journal” format, and then Skype once every week to ten days?</p>
<p>I think it’s important to distinguish between the “I want to know you’re alive and well” and the “I need to talk with you live” piece of the equation.</p>
<p>Can you convince her that you’re alive and well on a daily basis by using a text message, e-mail, or even Twitter posting, and then maybe compromising on the actual Skype sessions once or twice a week?</p>
<p>One of my kids lives abroad, I rarely hear from her as she is very busy, living her life. She works and studies and also has fun. I am a FB friend and can see posts so I know she is fine. I don’t expect anything, but appreciate everything. Some weeks we email back and forth often, other times we may go a couple of weeks. We speak upon request.</p>
<p>Another DD was abroad for a year working, we IMed most days, but it was for a reason, not to chat. She is also a more connected kid. When she went on a trip abroad for a month, I was happy to see FB posts. I figured she was spending the money to go abroad to have the experience of being there and interacting with people there. Not be on the phone with me.</p>
<p>That would be like the girl who has to call her BF every night for an hour, BORING to the rest of the people and annoying, too. Personally I think your parents are doing you a disservice by requiring you to call everyday from school, you are supposed to be cutting the apron strings and developing a life of your own, you cannot do that if you spend all your time talking to them. A student does not have that much free time.</p>
<p>Another similar thing is that I have this pre-departure orientation coming up, and my parents are insisting on coming with me and have made a list of questions. While I understand that they want to know more about the trip they’ll be helping pay for, the group is made up mostly of older students so I’m confident they’d be the only parents there, piping up to ask questions every few minutes (my mom has even written down a question about laundry and maid services). I don’t want to tell them <em>not</em> to come and be rude, it’s just that the embarrassed-teen in me is telling me to persuade them into doing something else.</p>
<p>ok just to play devil’s advocate…just to show you how much that communication may mean to your mother…watch this video</p>
<p>although it may only take a few seconds, i usually text my son once a day to say i love you…sometimes he answers, sometimes he doesnt… no hard feelings if he doesnt…its just a mother thing LOL</p>
<p>My D just came back from a semester in a Scandinavian country. I think it depends somewhat on your living arrangement. She was in a studio apartment in a building that didn’t really have other students and was a couple miles from the main campus in a major city. We arranged that she would touch base someone every day near the end of her day, just so I knew she was safe. Because she had no roommates and no friends prior to going to the city, it seemed prudent.</p>
<p>That said, we hardly Skyped at all. Usually we did a quick Facebook or AIM chat in the evening her time/around noon my time, or she would drop me an email if we weren’t online at the same time. The couple of times she forgot I emailed her, and she emailed back the next morning. I don’t think she found it intrusive, but this is a kid that calls frequently from college when here in the states.</p>
<p>As a mom, I am happy my D does contact me almost every day. Feeling a little sorry for your mom that you don’t do that, since it seems important to her. But maybe you can get her to compromise on some kind of contact just so she knows you are okay every day, but actually Skyping just a couple of times a week.</p>
<p>Do a blog. Give your parents the link to the blog and update it when you can. </p>
<p>Our daughter is in the Peace Corps. We use Skype to talk to her every week but the timing IS an issue. To be honest, we do it when it’s a convenient time for her, not us. Some weeks we just can’t make it happen.</p>
<p>She does send us short emails each week too. </p>
<p>That’s plenty.</p>
<p>When DS was abroad, he didn’t even have Skype enabled. We didn’t talk to him at all for the whole term. We all survived by having emails and IMs every so often.</p>
<p>Skyping daily, ESP. w/10 hr time difference is way too much. I confess to feeling a bit hurt when DD was overseas and would FaceBook friends w/o sending parents even a short e-mail. Assuming you are on FB, friend your parents; it would make for more efficient communication and they will be able to see you are all right. If you will be traveling, they will want to know that you have made it to each destination safely. Skyping, I suppose, will let your mom know you are healthy (good coloring) and eating properly! </p>
<p>Maybe at this orientation meeting, the organizers will be able to convey that it is not in students’ best interests to be in such frequent contact with their parents? That would take a bit of the onus and pressure off you. Remember that this is a time of great transition for parents, and some find it easier than others to let go. You and other students are entering an exciting time, but your parents are still doing the same ol’ same ol’. Best wishes!</p>
<p>I do think your parents have a right to insist on frequent communication (though not skype - too hard with the time difference). They are probably going way beyond their comfort zone letting you go away. And perhaps like me, they are splurging to send a kid to Europe even though they’ve never gone themselves. </p>
<p>Having said that… just because they have the right to do so doesn’t mean they should. If you find other ways to let them know you are safe (email, blog, FB), hopefully that will work.</p>
<p>When my 16 yr old son went on a well planned/chaparoned trip to Europe, our agreement is that he would NOT call (it would have been logistically difficult and expensive). I dealt with that. But you know made it soooo much easier? I had a detailed day-by-day itinerary. I realize that is not true in your case. My point is that it would be nice if you could find ways for your generous parents to live vicariously while you have an awesome travel opportunity.</p>