How personal is too personal?

College Essays
1

<p>Hi guys,</p>

<p>I'm a student from Singapore and I'll be applying ED for the 2015 intake. My counselor felt that my essay was too generic and it wasn't an adequate portrayal of my personality. Applications for Singaporean universities don't require essays, so I'm not too sure what admission consultants in the US are looking for and how I should present myself. </p>

<p>Taking a different approach, this time I tried to be more personal. I wrote about how I had to challenge norms in my society. I was born and raised as a Muslim and I'm also openly gay. Today I'm an atheist and I had to 'come out' twice to my religious family and conservative community. I might also add that I'm an ethnic minority and 99% of the people in my race are Muslim. My essay was about how I overcame the suppression of free thought and expression to be a happier person despite having to leave the family. I also wrote about being a volunteer organizer of Pink Dot (my country's version of Gay Pride minus the swarm of half naked men), wanting to be a gay rights activist in future, and listed Harvey Milk as one of my idols. I served in the military for two years after high school (I'm 20 now) and overcame issues with being openly gay as well.</p>

<p>Homosexuality is such a taboo and I really don't want to risk ruffling some feathers. What do you think? Am I giving out too much information?</p>

2

<p>Believe it or not majority of the elite US colleges love that kind of story. Overcoming social barrier as a homosexual is indeed a hook for you. You are giving out too much information when you think you are giving out too much information.</p>

3

<p>It’s fine. I helped a student with an essay about his experiences as a gay undocumented immigrant and he got into a program he really liked on a full scholarship.</p>

4

<p>Homosexuality is not a taboo on most US campuses.</p>

5

<p>Read some of the better essays here for ideas: <a href=“http://thisibelieve.org/”>http://thisibelieve.org/&lt;/a&gt;. You have an extremely compelling story. </p>

6

<p>dude, i’m (pakistani) american and that was my original essay until i decided to write something i could actually show my parents. i had a meeting with my counselor jr year, and she practically glowed when i told her about being involved with the Gay-Straight Alliance at my school. so, to reiterate what these other people have said, elite colleges in the US are probably the most gay-friendly environments in the US (even though there’s prejudice everywhere), and they’ll love that you overcame social barriers, especially since you’re also an ethnic minority.
for more tips on personal essays and US college admissions, Khan Academy is a great guide: <a href=“https://www.khanacademy.org/college-admissions/applying-to-college”>https://www.khanacademy.org/college-admissions/applying-to-college&lt;/a&gt;
and some (really selective) colleges have “essays that mattered/worked” sections:
<a href=“Common Application Essays | Tufts Admissions”>Common Application Essays | Tufts Admissions;
<a href=“http://apply.jhu.edu/apply/essays/”>http://apply.jhu.edu/apply/essays/&lt;/a&gt;
<a href=“Essays that Worked · Connecticut College”>http://www.conncoll.edu/admission/apply/essays-that-worked/&lt;/a&gt; (check out ahmad ashraf)
tufts has a bunch of great videos on their admissions process, actually: <a href=“Admissions 101 - YouTube”>https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLVUoO64HX951VQfWXBnuaLiUnu_px8tJl&lt;/a&gt;
if you’d like more help with your essay, feel free to PM me.</p>