I think when I started this post I assumed since our money spent would be the same (within budget) that the money wasn’t an issue. But while responding to a post I realized that it is an issue because we’d prefer to pay her the difference instead of the full budget amount to one of her other acceptances. She approached us and expressed her concern of missing out on a greater experience if she chooses to stay local. That concern might be real and I appreciate the good advice on fleshing that out.
Can you get her to articulate what she thinks she is missing out on? Because if she is at a big state school, that is going to be like all the other big state schools.
My opinion…
College is a wonderful time to spread ones wings. I’m guessing this is what your kiddo wants to do. If finances are not a barrier, please, Let her make the choice. You allowed her to apply to all of these further away schools. You say the acceptances she is considering are within your budget.
That being the case…she has apparently some great options from which to CHOOSE.
I’m having trouble understanding why you would allow school applications to schools not local…if at the end of the process, those could NOT be considered.
Is there any chance that the “something else” might be a higher ranked/more prestigious school? Kids choose their local in-state school for all sorts of reasons–because of a particular program (nursing, in the case of your daughter), a sport, finances, etc. These schools have so much to offer, but unfortunately this is the time of year when acceptances start rolling in and kids start posting their acceptances/enrollments on social media and often the bragging begins. Your daughter must be very bright and have very good stats in order to get admitted to such a limited major (our local state school, not even our flagship, but a satellite, has a similarly low admit rate for nursing and only takes top students), but even if she is very well grounded and not a prestige-hound, it can be very hard for her to hold her head up when her classmates are boasting about their Ivys and highly selective LACs and thinking/saying, wow, she’s so smart, she could have done better. This may not be in play at all–I’m just throwing this out there as a possibility, something to have a conversation about. In any case, congratulations to your daughter on her amazing accomplishment of being accepted to multiple direct-admit nursing programs. She will likely do well wherever she chooses to go–even if she does not stick with nursing.
Also I caution you that she is a strange period of time…where she and everyone is very interested where she is going.
This only lasts for a couple of months. Does farther away sound “cooler”? But once she attends, nobody will really care anymore. “Nursing program at State U? Wonderful!”
@bopper It’s a case of she doesn’t know what she doesn’t know. She’s been in one place all her life. She spoke with some friends who are freshmen at the local school and their feedback is they did wonder if they were missing out on experiences by staying local. So that is her concern even if she doesn’t know what those experiences might be.
Don’t some colleges not give until May 1 for nursing majors to accept their offers? I seem to remember some schools where they accept more in the major than they can accomodate, and students who dawdled on acccepting lost out even though they responded by May 1. Maybe sonmeone with more knowledge can comment, and maybe it is not these schools.
@thumper1 she will be the one to make the selection. It’s her life and she will know what fits best for her and what will best contribute to her continued growth. At the outset of this thread I wanted to know how to combat the fear of missing out on life’s experiences by staying local even if those experiences were unknown. Now I think that concern is real.
@intparent Yes some nursing colleges require a deposit right away to hold your place. That requirement would be spelled out in the acceptance letter. Her acceptances don’t. However some of her schools have opened their housing contracts so her preference may be taken. But she is fine with that consequence of getting the selection right. Thanks for asking.
When she graduates, she can do a stint as a traveling nurse. Great way to “see the world” (or at least the country), and they are paid very well.
“Yes some nursing colleges require a deposit right away to hold your place. That requirement would be spelled out in the acceptance letter. Her acceptances don’t.”
Don’t make this assumption. Ask the schools directly.
@Banker1 I think if you can swing the difference in cost, let her consider all her options and let her go away if she wants.
Around here, we have quite a few colleges that are commutable. And many kids attend the local schools. Some are too afraid to go far, don’t want to leave families, or simply can’t afford anything else.
I have seen w/ DS’s friends that many are living the exact same life they did in high school both at school and at home. Even for those who are dorming, but at schools that aren’t too far, they are often home on the weekends as well.
It would have been cheaper for our youngest to live at home and go locally, but I wanted more for her than that, and she wanted more. She is tired of seeing the same kids, having the same social life and wants to spread her wings and experience something entirely different. I have long regretted that we couldn’t have done this for our oldest, who really wanted that experience. So I was determined, within reason, money wise, that I would provide that opportunity to the younger siblings.
I will also add, that DD listed her major as Computer Science. At one point she asked me what if she doesn’t like it I told her the school has lots of majors that she could take instead, and she shouldn’t feel locked into CS if she doesn’t like it. I think it is the rare kid who knows exactly their course in life at 18. 
My friend has a very smart son who has lived his entire life in Madison. When looking for colleges, they looked everywhere, even picked a school to give him the ‘sleep-a-way’ experience, but in the end they all realized they were giving up too much by him not going to UW, the best school they could afford for his major, chemE. He went to UW, lived on campus, came home on Sunday nights to get a good meal and do his laundry (and brought his cousin with him). His sister was starting grad school so she lived at home. It really was the best of both worlds. He was ‘away’ but everything was very familiar. He had more money to travel if he wanted to (although was okay with going with his father, grandmother and cousin on spring break because, hey, Grandma was paying!)
I think your daughter needs to accept that this is the best program for her and not worry about missing out. Within a month she won’t even think of you being around the corner.
@laralei Currently touring schools she really likes one in the midwest so that moves to the top of her list. She’s taking good notes to be fully informed to make her decision soon. It is more money than her local school but within budget and may be worth the extra if it allows her to reach full potential. Thanks for your input.
@MomOf3DDs good advice. You can’t be too careful when facing one of the biggest decisions of a young life. She’s been very connected to admissions both calling and emailing in addition to reading the fine print of her acceptances.
@twoinanddone I expect she will narrow her choices to 2 maybe 3 and then list the pros and cons of each on a poster board. She may in fact reach the conclusion that her best option is local. It’s certainly worthy. UW-Madison is another great example of a strong public school. We toured a couple of times (summer and winter).
Always keep in mind is that your far away school is someone else’s commuter school. Make sure you know how many kids live on campus and stay on campus on the weekends
@bopper this is a good point. As D makes her rounds she’s gauging school spirit and determining which schools are commuter schools. She didn’t apply to CSUF for that reason.
@Banker1 My friend’s daughter had this happen to her
D just completed a round of campus visits to midwest schools. I think she had a clear favorite from that visit that she may place against her local school as the two finalists. She is setting up a second visit to her local school. Getting exciting!