Our D has recently been accepted into her local state school for nursing. The acceptance rate for this major at this school is about 5% so very sought after and difficult to achieve. It’s a great program and more easily fits within our budget. It has the social environment and size and offers opportunities such as study abroad and Greek life she is looking for. HOWEVER, D recently said she is reluctant to accept because she has fear of missing out on what else is out there in this great big world. Is anyone else going through this dilemma? We’ve already told her she’d be living away from home at campus dorm and participating in the real college experience. But what else can we do?
Can she articulate what she specifically thinks she will be missing? I’d stress the abroad program options - she’ll definitely have time to see part of this great big world by going abroad.
Almost all college applicants face this dilemma, because they can only choose one school. Once she has made her decision, the other options will disappear. (And very often, the other options were never real in the first place, either because they aren’t affordable, or for some other reason.)
Have her do this exercise: pretend for a day that this is the school she’ll be attending. It’s the only one. She’s paid the deposit and has made her commitment. Live with this for 24 hours. Do this with each school. It should be clear what choice feels the best.
How do her other choices compare in regards to depth of program and cost?
Perhaps she’s rethinking nursing… and isn’t ready to tell you (or admit to herself) that she doesn’t want to box herself in to a career path at age 18?
Nursing sounds so attractive early on in HS. Pretty much a guaranteed job, nobody asks you “what are you going to do with that” like they do if you are majoring in French or Poli Sci, you don’t have to choose classes since they are pretty much chosen for you, and you don’t even need to pick a path since ALL of the college’s advisers will tell her that first she’ll take the boards, then she’ll work in a big hospital to get exposed to all kinds of nursing, and down the road she can decide if she wants cardiac/neuro/ICU/OB GYN, or wants to work in the public school system, or wants to work in a small medical practice, or is more interested in public health and policy.
And then reality hits. You REALLY need to want to be a nurse- not just study nursing. There are no shortcuts, and there is not accelerated path that doesn’t involve body fluids, pain, watching people die, and being on your feet all day (or all night).
Ask her?
Is a semester abroad a possibility? A semester internship at a hospital elsewhere? (Sorry…I don’t know how nursing programs work.) Mostly, I agree with the poster who said, you need to talk it through with her to understand if this is a fear of missing out or a fear of making a decision. My S17 had it down to three schools…and it was clear which one it should be (the cheapest that had been his number one all along)…but it still took him several AGONIZING days to make a decision. And yes, he made the right one. 
@Massmomm that’s a great idea to have her imagine selecting each and seeing what remorse or consequences she would feel.
I forgot to mention that she has been touring a few of her acceptances and so far she has recorded her thoughts in her journal on the good and the bad. Ultimately she has found flaws with each of those and anticipates the schools she has yet to tour (visiting right now for the next few days) will emerge the one that speaks to her. This could be the grass is always greener and reflect the difficulty in making that selection. I just didn’t like how she seemed to eliminate her local school because of her excuse of missing out. If we lived elsewhere this school might be a top choice for her.
Up until now …the whole college thing was a world of possibilities. All of a sudden the tide has turn…the colleges are no longer in control, but the student is. Think about when you bought your first house…you looked and looked…until one day you had to actually make a decision. Yikes!
Is she a thinker? Then have her think about the nursing program and how it is direct entry (hopefully) and how that is tough to get into and how this is a great price without her taking loans and how well students do on the NCLEX and get jobs…how with nursing it is easy to move somewhere else and get a job. How if she ends up not wanting nursing that there manyother options.
Is she a feeler? Then tell her how good she will feel knowing she doesn’t have to worry about getting into a nursing program junior year, and how she will have this big football school and opportunities to do a study abroad. Have her attend the admitted students day to get a feel of belonging to the campus.
But if this is a clear low cost winner, then I would not suggest too much into looking to other things.
@blossom you might be on to something with having second thoughts about the major itself. We did discuss previously the need to pick a good overall school and not just a good nursing school. Nursing majors quite often are able to switch to other majors (just not the reverse) and I know that was one of her questions while touring. Her local school has that option as well. Clinical rotations start 6am or 7am at her local school sophomore year so commitment is a must. It’s worth having another discussion about. Thanks.
Did you tell her she had to go to the local school if accepted, or did you allow her to apply to places elsewhere to spread her wings?
Assuming cost isn’t an issue…I would let her make the choice.
@swimmingdad the semester abroad is a possibility at some nursing schools but not sure if it is at her local school. It’s possible but we’d have to dig deeper to find out if that wouldn’t extend her time to graduate.
@WWC4me she applied broadly (READ: excessively) because we learned that it’s very difficult to be admitted to direct entry programs. She got into all but one so the process of selection becomes that much more difficult. Regarding cost - she is doing a good job of eliminating acceptances if she feels they are too costly ie USF. It’s a good thought to continue to look at the cost / value proposition. There are differences even when still within budget. Thanks.
Based on your initial post, I thought the local school was the only one she got into with direct entry. Are any of the others affordable, even if not the cheapest? If so, I would let her choose. Or let her choose to take a very low level of loans or work during school if she wants to go some place a bit more pricey. That would be especially true if she could articulate why the other schools were more appealing.
If this is the only affordable choice, that is a different story. In that case, simply listen and empathize, but I would pay more than i could afford just to satisfy FOMO.
@Banker1 I majored in Nursing at Georgetown (back in the day) and I will tell you that Nursing is an intense program. Has she had any experience or shadowing with nursing in HS?
@thumper1 we did not tell her she had to go to the local school if she were accepted. We want this to be her decision as she will have to live with the consequences. She has been speaking to her friends who have been influencing her against the local option for fear of missing out on all the excitement that being far from home can provide. So I wanted to get some input from folks who could offer suggestions or tips in case we were missing something. Plenty of good ones so far. Thanks.
@bopper her greatest quality may be that she understands relationships which involves both thinking and feeling. The acceptances she is considering are the direct entry options. She applied to some pre-Nursing schools before we knew if she could get into direct entry programs (she got into a dozen or so of them) and now she has eliminated the pre-Nursing options. Good suggestions.
@mom2and the schools she is considering (visiting now) are all within our budget. I’ve re-read your post a few times and think you meant to include the word NOT as in “not pay more”. Please let me know if that’s wrong. The local school is less expensive, we’d get to see her a bit more, and she could realize any cost savings (have the difference). But money aside I want to know if there’s any thinking we’re missing in combating her friends’ influence.
Yes, sorry about that: I would NOT pay substantially more just to satisfy FOMO, but I would listen carefully to her reasons and not necessarily go with the least expensive school if there are benefits to a slightly more pricey choice. She may choose a school based on criteria that are not as important to you, but I wouldn’t dismiss it simply as peer pressure or FOMO. There can be benefits to going to a college that is not in your own backyard, unless you are trading your backyard to one that is very similar in character, only in a different spot. I would talk up the benefits of the local school, and make sure she knows that she would decide when and how often to come home or have you visit.
@WWC4me she hasn’t shadowed or volunteered at any hospital. However many family members are nurses including one of her proud parents (not me). I think she has a good idea of the long stressful hours. I agree it may seem daunting for a 17 year old.