How to deal with this...

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>So, long story.... but I was hoping you guys could help me out.
Basically my stepdad and I have a very spotty relationship- when it's good, everything is good, but when it's bad, it's BAD (and it can go on for months). It seems like the summer is always when things get really bad, probably because I'm not in school. </p>

<p>Anyways, he has always praised me for working hard in school, setting high goals (like the majority of people on here), etc.
Which is why today, when he mocked all of my academic pursuits and the people in academia, it was a pretty big shock.
We got in an argument about how athletes get into college; I said it was unfair that athletes had such an easy way in blah blah blah. His son was a star football player, and he had colleges giving him acceptances -- he didn't even have to write essays. In short, his son had the express route into college. My stepdad argued that the process is entirely FAIR, saying (and I quote), "WHY should athletes have to compete with people who get 35/36 ACT's? They wouldn't have a chance! And they shouldn't have to compete with those people! They deserve to go to college, because it is their way to the pros.You think because you got a 4.0 that you deserve to go to stanford more than someone who can run a 4/4/40 (idk what this really means, sorry)?"</p>

<p>Then he continued, "You think you are so special because you have good test scores and good grades. The only people who actually care about any of that stuff are the people who weren't good enough to be athletes, so they shut themselves in their own little world and studied hard. Then all those people go on to pretentious schools like Harvard so they can become know-it-all college professors who can't do ***** outside of a college environment. They want to go and study science and technical stuff so they can feel self-important, when they will probably go and work for someone who only got a C average! That's probably why you want to go to those schools, so you can surround yourself with people like that." </p>

<p>It's not like I don't do other things-- I'm a varsity athlete (I just care more about school than sports to be serious about sports), I have a decent social life, I'm really into music-- so it's not like I'm an overweight kid who "turned" to school because I didn't have anything else I was good at.</p>

<p>So... have you ever had to constantly be around someone who spits in the face of everything that you hold dear? How did you deal with them? I only have one year left til college, but it feels like a freaking long time.</p>

<p>sorry for the long post :/</p>

2

<p>Can't say I have been around someone like that. I hope it all ends well for you.
Scratch that- I sort of do. It's hard to explain. The only way to get through it was to avoid conflicts as much as possible.

[quote]
They deserve to go to college, because it is their way to the pros.

[/quote]

He needs a reality check (not saying you should say this to him though). Only a ridiculously small number of those recruited actually go on to the pros.</p>

3

<p>I would just be as pleasant as possible and ignore it. It sounds like trying to convince him of anything would be useless, so it may be better to just get along as good as possible and try to avoid conflict. Don't let it get you down.</p>

4

<p>Maybe you hit a nerve with him? I mean, you might have made him a bit insecure about his own son. From your post, I'm pretty sure that your academics are a ton better than his son's and you're a varsity athlete to boot. Like the other posters suggested, I suggest you should deal with it for a year longer and avoid the subject as much as possible.</p>

5

<p>I think you more than hit a nerve with him. You personally insulted him and suggested that you were better than his son due to your good grades and high test scores. While what you have done is very admirable, what his son did is admirable too. Apologize and let him know that you in no way meant to infer you were somehow superior.</p>

6

<p>
[quote]
Maybe you hit a nerve with him? I mean, you might have made him a bit insecure about his own son.

[/quote]

Yeah, but his son is ~24, graduated, living on his own, and working fulltime. Plus his son wasn't the type of athlete who ignored school; he got pretty decent grades.
The whole stupid argument started when we were watching a TV show, and in the show a kid who couldn't string 5 words together without someone helping him got into schools like stanford, just because he could play football. I said that it was ridiculous, and maybe I did offend him, I don't know. The thing is, he has explicitly told me that he thinks affirmative action is crap, but he supports preferential treatment for athletes. ?!</p>

<p>thanks for the advice so far.</p>

7

<p>
[quote]
You personally insulted him and suggested that you were better than his son due to your good grades and high test scores

[/quote]
</p>

<p>He only said one thing about the step dad's son: "I said it was unfair that athletes had such an easy way in blah blah blah." I don't see how that is insulting anyone about grades and test scores.</p>

<p>You have a right to be frustrated. He is being immature about the whole situation. "The only people who actually care about any of that stuff are the people who weren't good enough to be athletes, so they shut themselves in their own little world and studied hard": That has to be one of the most immature, unsupportive things a parent could say. HE owes YOU an apology. </p>

<p>IMO if it comes up again, tell him you didn't mean to offend him or his son, and try to change the subject. Sometimes it's better to let people think they've won then to continue fueling the argument, even if your side is logical.</p>

8

<p>
[quote]
The thing is, he has explicitly told me that he thinks affirmative action is crap, but he supports preferential treatment for athletes

[/quote]
</p>

<p>You're born a certain race. You put in effort to be an athlete (its genetic about the same amount as intelligence is). There's a big difference there.</p>

9

<p>Like collegemom said, you definitely insulted him. That aside...</p>

<p>There aren't any schools specifically for athletes the way there are universities and IT schools for the academically gifted. In addition, sports and school are on two entirely different worlds. Because of this, admissions officers have to find a way to convert everyone's talents unto a single plane.
This is indirectly done by measuring how hard someone works, since there is a general correlation between hard work and success in school and sports.</p>

10

<p>wow am I sorry that I ever created this thread.
@aeroengineer: I'm not really following what point you're trying to make. Are you saying that athletes should be held to a lesser standard because they work harder in other areas? I agree that athletes should be recognized for their discipline and hard work in a chosen sport, but I don't think that they should be able to bypass the entire application process. </p>

<p>I also told my stepdad that had his son applied like any other applicant, he probably would have gotten into the same schools. Those schools just wouldn't be begging for him to come there, like they actually did.</p>

<p>I'm sorry that everyone thinks I more than insulted him. I just don't see how I'm supposed to apologize to him after told me that almost everything I value and everything I hope to achieve is worthless and self-important.</p>

11

<p>^ No, I'm saying they should be held at an equal standard because their hard work in sports is equivalent to hard work in academia, and that there's no other way to compare the two. </p>

<p>Your step dad said some pretty stupid stuff. Nothing that holds value, anyway. He's acting really childish, sort of like the parents who freak out at little league games. The thing is, a lot of people who aren't good at school live through sports, so they explode when someone messes with their livelihood.</p>

12

<p>4/4/40 = 4.4 sec 40 meter dash</p>

13

<p>In other countries there are sports schools designed for athletes... America is weird.</p>

14

<p>It sounds like your stepfather is putting you down because he is a very competitive person and feels somehow that your achievements are bettering those of his son or even of his own. </p>

<p>My advice is to feel sorry for him. He seems very insecure. </p>

<p>Don't bother to bring up subjects that could raise his level of insecurity. If he starts becoming defensive again, just change the subject or don't bother to debate him. Realize that you may be more thoughtful, confident, and mature than your stepfather is.</p>

15

<p>That is one very distorted point of view your stepfather has.</p>

16

<p>
[QUOTE]
In other countries there are sports schools designed for athletes... America is weird.

[/QUOTE]
</p>

<p>Did you read the article in time about China?</p>