<p>I took on the role of “executive assistant.” I’m a librarian by trade and enjoy research so it made me happy to take the original criteria and help make a list. The kids don’t know what they don’t know, especially when it comes to cost and merit aid, etc. With D2 I am using Google Docs to share it with her so we can both edit and view the documents. I would look at the school calendar and say “you have a day off on September 20th; we should plan a school visit. Anywhere within 4 hours is fine. Let me know which one you choose by Friday so we can set it up.” </p>
<p>I agree with the poster who mentioned making sure you preserve your relationship with your D. I bet when school starts she’ll be more interested in the process since that will be the big focus of conversations with both teachers and friends. But if she isn’t it’s certainly acceptable to say “honey, I don’t want to keep nagging you about this. But time is running short. If you want to take a gap year and work that’s fine; just let me know now and then we can start talking about how you can find a full time job starting in June.”</p>
<p>I did everything for my daughter’s college search-research, organizing trips, etc. The thing is, I am hyper-organized and she’s more of a fly by the seat of yours pants sort. Also, if she sees something she wants she takes it, while I have to look at everything in the store first. Anyway, she took one college tour, loved it, applied early, got in, and that was that. All my research and organization went for nothing! But she’s happy and so am I. Now if I could only get her interested in school shopping.</p>
<p>Yes! Exactly. To be fair, she is working as many hours as she can to earn money, but I have to beg in order to get a couple of minutes from her to discuss what she needs. She’s agreed to meet me at a mall next Sunday. I just hope we find everything in one trip.</p>
<p>Having just gone through this, I think the apathy is a way to hide their fear. “I don’t care where I go” is code for “I don’t want to show how much I want to go to XYZ College because if I get rejected I’ll feel so bad”.</p>
<p>D envied the kids who were seriously recruited not because she necessarily wanted to go to their schools, but because someone chose them – they didn’t have to go through the work of choosing schools. </p>
<p>I would start with the things she really objects to – does she hate small towns? Or cities? Does she hate homogenous student bodies? Or the East Coast? Does a small student body make her skin crawl? Don’t try to ferret out what she likes – it’s probably easier to get a list of “don’t likes/can’t stand”.</p>
<p>Are all her scores in? Can’t build a list without knowing where she stands with SAT or ACT.</p>
<p>If she says (like my D) “I really don’t care where I go to school as long as it doesn’t suck”, then suggest your favorite financial/academic safety and see her reaction. I bet she’ll suddenly realize where she wants to go.</p>
<p>We are in the same boat with my son. On the positive side, he thinks he knows what school he wants to go to - doesn’t care to even look anywhere else. (My Mom equates it to shopping with men…once they find what they are looking for, they are done.)</p>
<p>He is a ‘passive’ kid…just waiting for everything to come to him. I am thinking maybe we have made things too easy for him all these years.</p>
<p>With his grades, there are so many opportunities available to him…I just don’t want him to have any regrets.</p>
<p>I think my son would be very happy to apply to one and be done. However, his admission is not a sure thing.</p>
<p>The other day I was talking to him and asked what he thought his strengths were. He said (now keep in mind he is talking to his mother) his good looks and something else slightly vulgar about the size of something (trying to get a reaction). I said that I didn’t think that would get him into college. He then added a couple things that might spin into an essay. Later I told him about the 150-word paragraph about an EC for the Common App and we talked a little about his running. Then he added: "And I really like WOW "(World of Warcraft).</p>
<p>So if we can figure out how to spin his good looks and love of video games into some dandy essay, we’ll be in great shape for the fall. He does make ME laugh, so I hope he can endear himself to some admissions counselor out there.</p>
<p>MD Mom - I have seen my son in many a post here, but never more than yours!!! LOL!! Should they ever make it to college, let’s hope these boys are never matched together as roommates! Nothing will ever get done.</p>
<p>I couldn’t get my rising junior son to research colleges this summer. He is usually pretty good with doing things, so I was getting somewhat frustrated at his lack of effort. I finally realized that he didn’t really know where to begin. I used some of my training working with patients with executive function disorder, and realized I was giving him an open-ended task (“here are some books, start looking at colleges you might like, or look them up on the internet”). I decided I needed to give him a close-ended task. I did some research myself and came up with a spreadsheet of about 40 colleges that he may be interested in that have at least one or two of his requirements and might be a good fit. These are everything from local U safeties to high reaches. So the close-ended task is that every other day he picks a number from 1-40 which corresponds to a college. He then researches this college for at least 30 minutes for the next two days. It sounds pretty simplistic, but it seems to be what he could handle in his prefrontal cortex at this stage of the college process. He has researched about 10 colleges so far, and is really beginning to get an idea of what he likes and doesn’t like in the colleges, and has become engaged in the process.</p>
<p>Thanks Momo2. We’ll have to keep track of where they go. I have no doubt about DS’s social skills.</p>
<p>Wrldtravlr that sounds like a great plan. I did something similar. I went through a college guide book (one of the big fat ones) and tagged about a dozen colleges. I did get my son to look through those I had marked and eliminate a couple. He has not added any, but the book is still there.</p>
<p>I just wish that DS had a school with rolling admissions near the top of his list so he could shorten the admissions season.</p>
<p>wrldtrvlr - that was a good idea. I tried something similar to that. I gave S a long list of colleges to check out to see if he was interested in them and whether they had the types of courses he was looking for. I think he made it through about 5 or so and then gave up. So he knew where to begin - he just didn’t want to.</p>
<p>wrldtrvlr: that’s a great idea! Just dropped that on D2 this morning. We had compiled a list of around 35 schools (started with Ruggs Recommendations, added in schools known for their writing programs plus schools she/we were just familiar with) but there’s been no movement since. I told her I’d like her to spend 1/2 hour each day reading the description in “The Insiders Guide” plus the info in the U.S. News Ultimate Guide; one of the things we have on the spreadsheet is the regular college website, the honors program website and the English dept. website so I told her to take a look at those too. Along with college p r owler. </p>
<p>I told her NOT to eliminate anything but rather to highlight the spreadsheet row: green if she thought the school could be a great fit; red if she was turned off; and yellow if she was neutral. I also suggested putting a few words down so she’d remember what it was about that school that spoke to her.</p>
<p>My D was dragging her feet until we agreed to turn the college search into a “Say Yes to the Dress” process. </p>
<p>We pretend she’s the bride and I’m the salon consultant. She describes what she’s looking for (small student-prof ratio, school spirit, some Greek (but not a lot), etc., etc.,) then I go “to the back of the store,” check “the inventory” and bring her “gowns” to try on. </p>
<p>Just like the brides on the show, friends and family (mainly her dad and brother) get to ooh and ahh or crinkle up their noses. As the consultant, I get to tell her if a “design” isn’t fitting her or her budget just right. </p>
<p>Whenever I bring her a new gown (school!) she knows it’s “just to try on and see.” It’s no longer a nag. It’s become a silly little joke between us. We avoid a lot of conflict by playing these roles and we still make progress toward her list. </p>
<p>RobD - I have also added a column to note whether the writing program is a member of The Association of Writers and Writing Programs. If you google it, the website has a search function and a list of hallmarks for a quality undergrad program. One of the things that has put a school in the “No” column for me, is lack of progressive workshops in different genres of writing.</p>
<p>reeinaz: but that doesn’t have anything about undergrad writing programs, right? As an aside, I looked at the 2012 conference info thinking it might be a cool thing to expose D2 to. And it’s in Chicago which has 2 schools on her list. But I just about had a spazz attack: Margaret Atwood is going to be their keynote speaker!</p>