How to get off to a good start with my roommate?

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hi there, </p>

<p>In moving into my dorm later this week, and I'd really appreciate some seasoned advice on how to get off on the right foot with my roommate. I had a really bad experience last year, and I DO NOT want that experience to be repeated this year. I'm determined for it not to happen! </p>

<p>Last year I wasn't really ready to be away from my mom, and since my housing was covered by scholarships, I went home a lot at first (like every day) and made it seem like I was just using the room as a bed when I needed it. Even after I adjusted and stayed longer, I didn't communicate with my roommate that I really just missed my mom and couldn't handle being away more than 5 nights, and I'm sure that's why she was kind of hostile with me. She was socially awkward in the first place and missed her family, too, and I think she wanted to have that "best friend/roommate" to make it easier. When I WAS there, I was actually spending more time with the girls across the hall because I had classes with them and went to high school with one of them, so I'm sure that was hard for her as well. </p>

<p>Anyway, for this year, I have to go home a couple days a week for work, so how can I best bring this up and establish a good relationship with my roomie? We've been texting the past few days and get along, so I think that's a good start. I just want to make sure that everything transitions "normally," which I've had a hard time doing in the past. </p>

<p>Thanks, and I'm sorry if this is lame. I ended up moving out early last year because it was so tense between my roommate and I, and I really don't want that to happen again.</p>

2

<p>(1) Tell your roommate ahead of time how often you’ll be gone, and why.</p>

<p>(2) When you return to the dorm after an absence, bring good food with you. :)</p>

3

<p>Plan to go to the dining hall with her for meals whenever you can - especially the first week. Spend time talking with her asking her about the things she likes to do, her classes, etc. Try to find some common ground of things you can share together.</p>

4

<p>Don’t assume that your roommate will dislike the idea that you’ll be gone a couple of days each week. Some would actually like it. And you’re under no obligation to sleep in the dorm 7 nights a week anyway.</p>

<p>It sounds as though this year, you’re a sophomore. If your roommate is also a sophomore, she may not be concerned about whether the two of you become friends. She may already have plenty of friends from last year.</p>

5

<p>Don’t try too hard to be friends! If your roommate wants to be best buds that’s great, but give her her space as well. Communication is the most important thing and just being normally friendly. If you are off to the dining room or the movies ask if she wants to join you.</p>