<p>I have recently graduated High School and I am planning on moving from Illinois to California for college. I am thrilled about this new experience that has yet to come but I can see that both of my parents are not ready for my departure.</p>
<p>I have a great relationship with both of my parents but I am an only child. My best friend recently moved to the Los Angeles area in California to attend Santa Monica College. He told me that I could live with him and his relative and attend school in California if I wanted to. I saw this as a great opportunity and did an immense amount of research. </p>
<p>This opportunity arose during the beginning of my Senior year. I figured out that Santa Monica College is an affordable Community College in the area. Although out of state tuition costs are high, I would be able to apply for California residency after living in California for a specified amount of time in order to qualify for in state tuition which is much cheaper than the community college in my area in Illinois. I also looked up the process of how to apply for residency and the qualifications needed. I would be able to commute to school by bus because the cost of a car(insurance, gas, unexpected repairs) are high. My portion of the rent would be $300.00 a month in a wonderful area. I would look for a job shortly after settling in. I would also be applying for FASFA because I could use all the help financially since money is a concern. My parents have offered to help me financially but the help is limited which is absolutely understandable. After earning my Associates I would transfer to a 4 year University in the Los Angeles Area. </p>
<p>When I first told my parents about my choice to move away for college, they were thrilled. They thought it would be a great opportunity for me. For the past 6 months my mom has not been happy with my decision to move away because I am her only son. She has many concerns and she thought that I would stay close to home while attending college. I have a great relationship with my mom. I have always been able to talk to her and tell her anything knowing that she would always be there to listen. I understand that moving away is going to be hard, but, I have expressed to her that I would never lose touch with either her or my dad. Since we live in a technological age, skype, texting, phone calls and even air travel are all possible and reliable. My parents are both aware but are still having trouble accepting that I will be moving away very soon.</p>
<p>I care about my parents a lot and I would like to help them cope with my departure. Most of my friends have siblings so I have been told that the transition for their parents is much easier. I on the other hand am an only child.</p>
<p>I was wondering if parents and students could offer me any advice. Also, feel free to share your stories.</p>
<p>Stay positive, and stay resolute, and make plans for staying in touch – will they come to see you? Are you coming home for Thanksgiving? Christmas? Can you teach them how to Skype if they don’t know already? Can you preaddress a bunch of postcards so you can send quick notes home? (A physical object is better than an email, imho) Leaving is harder than actually being gone, for parents. They will cope, and so will you.</p>
<p>Re-read your post. You are one of the most mature, level-headed, and resourceful 18 year-olds on the planet. Who deserves credit? Well, you do, of course! But it perhaps wouldn’t hurt to remind your parents that they did such a good job of raising you that you have the tools to be on your own. How could a kid so well raised do anything but remain close to parents like that? </p>
<p>All parents, to one degree or another, go through this separation issue, even though they know it is inevitable and, in the end, good. Since I know nothing about your family beyond what you right, any suggestion I make may be beside the point, but here are a couple of ideas:</p>
<p>Are there things your mom might like to do but hasn’t been able to because she’s been busy being a mom? You could encourage her to start before you go. (For instance: say she’s always talked about getting more exercise by biking. Get her in the habit by biking with her, encourage her to ask her friends to come, so she can transition from you to them.)</p>
<p>Figure out something you can do together separately. For instance, agree to read the same book, and then talk about it when you next visit. Your mom may find it warm and pleasant, as she reads, to imagine what you would make of this chapter, and then anticipate finding out when you talk.</p>
<p>Surprise them. Call at a random time when they’re not expecting it.</p>
<p>Your parents will adjust. Those frequent reminders that you love them and care about them and are so happy they gave you the tools to succeed on your own will help reassure them that they haven’t lost you, even though you aren’t at the breakfast table every morning any more.</p>
<p>Bless your heart, what an extraordinarily thoughtful kid you are! A few ideas:</p>
<p>Usually care packages go from parent to student, but you might consider sending your parents a care package or two. I would have loved to get some school gear from my D when I was missing her. It’ll make them feel a little more connected to you in your new place. Do it very early in the semester, like the first week. Or, while they’re there during move-in, sneak away to the bookstore and pick up a couple of t-shirts or mugs; present the gifts to them during your final goodbyes. (Other good gifts are key chains, bumper stickers, a baseball cap for Dad, and for Mom, a stuffed toy of your school mascot.)</p>
<p>Ask your roomie to take some pictures of you in your new surroundings, in your room and around campus, and email them to your parents. Or, if your parents don’t have the capability of printing them out at home, get some prints made and mail them.</p>
<p>Send occasional, random, no-reason texts, just to say Hi and you love them.</p>
<p>And set your mind at ease. It’s true that these next few weeks will be the hardest for them, culminating in the hardest moment of all – leaving you in front of the dorm as they drive away. The trip home will be rough, and the first few days or weeks. But they will settle into their “new normal” sooner than any of you would think possible. They’ll always miss you, of course, but ultimately they’re going to be fine. :)</p>
<p>Of course, you could just foul the nest like most kids (be rude, disrespectful, messy, obstinate, unhelpful, argumentative, self-centered, moody, etc.) so that your parents can’t wait to see you leave. (Just kidding.)</p>
<p>You’ve received some good suggestions above. I love getting photos of my kid.</p>
<p>OP, you sound like a great kid. It’s great you have such a well thought out plan … I want to check all the assumptions are correct.</p>
<p>I am far from an expert but your comment about gaining CA residency status for in-state tuition seems to run counter to what is typically stated on here … I thought the UC rules were that the student and their parents needed to live in CA for 366 days before starting school … or if the student moves to CA they must move with their parents … in other words a student moving alone to CA does not work for gaining CA in-state tuition (until they are 25) … but I could easily be wrong about this.</p>
<p>What level schools are you targeting for you last 2 years … the UCs? the Cal State schools? Are there any CC readers who are confident they know in-state tuition rules for the various level of CA colleges?</p>
<p>I agree with above poster, the rules were tough when I did it many years ago, with the budget deficit in California I expect then to be tougher, please double check</p>
<p>You sound like a great kid , but I don’t understand why any out of state student from so far away would choose a community college in such a far away location . I can understand their concern
Had you posted that you were accepted into a four year school , I might say it’s a good choice , but it IS far away from Illinois and you are an only child so I get their objections. I don’t see what could be the draw that this particular community college has for you …are you leaving anything out ?</p>
<p>Sounds like the draw is that he has a best friend and the friend’s relative who already live there and go to that cc. It’s not a bad plan IF he can get in-state residency. As others have said, it may not work that way with his parents still in IL. </p>
<p>But I agree, the op sounds very mature and thoughtful. I wish him the best of luck!</p>
<p>I don’t mean to rain on your parade but you must not have researched one important point. Community colleges in Cal are totally overcrowded, students cannot get the classes they need to transfer into UC’s or CSU. </p>
<p>Not sure what the residency requirements are but you will have plenty of time to meet them because you will have trouble transferring out of a CC. CSU’s have many impacted majors and some no longer take spring transfers so plan out your major with that in mind. </p>
<p>My niece could not get into her classes at a community college in Santa Clarita, which is not as populated or popular a place as Santa Monica. She dropped out and went to hair dressing school to support herself and hopes to return to college later when the schools open up classes.</p>
<p>Always…you sound like a great, thoughtful kid! But I would echo some of the concerns of 3togo, Munequita, and Lakemom. Your plan sounds great in theory. But the brutal reality is that our broke State is having a big, negative impact on the UC/CSU/community college system. One of the largest CC’s (City College of SF–90K students) is on verge of losing it’s accreditation. MANY CC’s are overcrowded and the inability to get needed classes due to cutbacks is reaching epic proportions.<br>
And I agree with lje—going to (any) out of state CC just doesn’t make a lot of sense to me…</p>