My son was admitted to an excellent state school with a top engineering program. This was his safety school and with that admission in pocket - he applied to other colleges he hoped to get admitted to. He was waitlisted or rejected at all of those. Even though he said he would be okay going to the safety school - now that it is his only real choice, he feels trapped and sad and as we take steps to enroll and do housing contracts he gets sadder and more upset each day. He really, really doesn’t want to go there. It is a great school and a wonderful program but his biggest dream was leaving the state and having a completely different intellectual experience. He is waitlisted at UPenn, Carnegie Mellon and Rice and so is holding out hope one of those comes through even knowing the odds are low.
This is a kid that has worked tirelessly since 2nd grade with the dream of going to a top out of state engineering college. .He has studied for at least 4 hours every day his whole life even weekends and summers to achieve his goal. He has haunted this board since junior year and read all of the advice and tried to follow it. He did everything that was within his power to do but fell short of his goal and it is breaking my heart. We thought we did our research well and went about this in the right way. We had the safety in state college, also targeted some safety out of state schools that tend to give merit money for kids with his test scores and academic background so he would have options and he was accepted to 3 of those but they either didn’t offer him any merit aid and so are unaffordable since we have no financial need (I’m a single mom and his father refuses to help pay but his salary is still considered) or we are finding further things out about these schools which now make them seem undesirable like one that would take 6 years to graduate from. He is the first in our extended family to go to college right out of high school and I am so proud of him for what he has achieved. How do I get him to see it that way?
Has anyone been in this situation? How did you help your child to get excited about the great school that accepted him? And to get over the rejection and loss of the dream?
I’m sorry he’s so upset. Parents should never call a school a safety. If you have younger children, take a different approach. I think his goal needs reworking. He should be studying to get an engineering degree, not to attend an OOS college. If the school is ABET accredited, he’ll be fine.
I’d do the paperwork for enrollment but tell him that if he’s still unhappy as summer draws to a close he can withdraw and apply to a new list of schools for next year. If he doesn’t get any affordable options in the 2nd cycle he may have to start at a cc because he’ll have given up his spot at the 4-year school. Most families can’t afford to send their kids to residential college, so he’d be in good company. A lot of smart kids commute to their local university or start at a cc.
The NACAC list will be published May 1st. It lists schools that need to fill seats, but if finances are an issue there may not be many options. What are his stats and how much can you pay without borrowing?
This is such a sad situation. I wish I had advice but all I can say is recognize why he’s upset… it’s not because his safety school sucks but because he feels like a failure, like he’s not good enough and the safety just screams that at him daily.
Have you talked to him about transferring? Hopefully he goes and ends up loving it but maybe going with plan of action on transferring might help?
I read one of your other threads & know that his in-state safety is an outstanding school located in one of the best small cities in the country.
I could easily understand this situation for an Arizona resident & ASU/UA since a change of scenery from the desert can be so dramatic. But your son is going to what is a dream school for many.
Of course, he can call the schools which waitlisted him & ask if they would admit him for next year if he took a gap year. Your son’s numbers are outstanding ! His disappointment understandable. But his in-state option is affordable, well respected nationally, in a beautiful city & in an exciting location for college students & young professionals.
From other posts, it looks like this student’s safety school is UT-Austin. I’m sorry he’s sad but I do think that he is in an enviable position. Would it make him feel better to know how many kids would give their eyeteeth to be in his shoes and to be able to attend such a great school without financial hardship? Seriously, find a couple of threads by kids with great stats who were shut out from all their reaches and whose safety schools are not nearly as desirable as Texas and he may feel better knowing he’s not alone and that his fallback is nationally very highly regarded.
Hope he will perk up because he will be getting a phenomenal education and a valuable degree!
He stats are rank 13/803 Texas Public High School. 1570 SAT, 4.6 WGPA, 3.99 UWGPA, National Merit Finalist, Tons of AP classes with 4s and 5s so AP Scholar with Distinction, tons of Science Olympiad medals, VP of H4H club, Founder and President of FBLA club, tutors for a bunch of the honor societies, summer jobs and engineering camp, White male, no hooks. I could pay up to about 45k or so.
Other posts suggest Texas. What is wrong with whichever Texas public university he got into?
In that case, Penn, CMU, Rice, and other super-selectives mentioned in your other posts were futile applications anyway, since he would encounter the same financial aid issue at those schools.
Yes it is UT Austin. As I said - an excellent top ranked school. It just isn’t what he wants. I think turtletime hit it on the head. He feels like a failure. So does anyone have any experience helping their kid through this to get them excited about the college that wants them not the ones that don’t?
I think you first need to acknowledge his disappointment- and hearing how incredible and wonderful his “safety” is, doesn’t do that (just yet, although it is incredible and wonderful).
But you’ve posted something erroneous- he does- in fact- have choices. You guys can sit down and figure out if there is any way to make the other colleges he was admitted to affordable- take a gap year and work full time, putting every penny towards tuition. Starting at a local community college and transferring-- that will require a conversation with one of these other schools to let them know that you flat out cannot afford to start Freshman year, but get a handshake that assuming his gpa from the CC is at least 3.something, they will admit him as a transfer down the road.
Etc.
It stinks not to have choices, but your son has choices. It’s just that the absolute best choice is to go to UT. But perhaps if you give him some space to noodle these other options- these great colleges which accepted him but are out of range financially, and give him the space to figure out just how tough it would be to make one of them affordable-- he can come around to embrace UT.
What college would take 6 years to graduate? And are you finding out things about these other colleges that are actual and true- or urban myth?
There are indeed colleges where a high number of kids require 6 years to graduate. But there should be an asterisk on those charts to explain why. Does a kid who is as well prepared and motivated as yours need 6 years for a BS? I doubt it.
“So does anyone have any experience helping their kid through this to get them excited about the college that wants them not the ones that don’t?” @Cgaope
here you go- this should help. the light at the end of the tunnel is the sun coming out in about 5 months time.
http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/2039214-reflecting-on-the-process-one-year-later-and-some-encouragement.html
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My daughter is a super-happy first-year student at a wonderful college after having been rejected by her ED1 school. She was devastated at the time, but it wound up being a blessing in disguise. She wouldn’t have been nearly as happy at that school, I’m pretty sure if it, even though it was more prestigious and more selective than the one she attends now. All of her closest friends are at schools that nobody would consider elite or super selective, and they are all thriving both academically and socially. And most of them were stellar students who probably had good shots at elite, super selective schools."
The 6 years college is CalPolytech. I met with some parents whose kids are going there now and they warned to stay away due to overcrowding and kids only able to sign up for 12 credits until after all student body has registered.
@Cgaope: Won’t the annual cost of attendance (COA) at UT-Austin be about $20,000 (including room & board) ?
If you son graduates from such a prestigious & outstanding school such as UT-Austin with an engineering degree & no debt, then he won !
Imagine what could be done with the extra money. For example,tell your son that you can afford graduate school if he decides to get a higher degree. He can take summer course abroad or at another school.
Tell him how proud you are of his admission ! If you don’t, about 30,000 other posters will !
Which Cal Poly SLO or Pomona? All Cal states have overcrowding issues, but it is very possible to graduate in 4 years if you are willing to be flexible with your schedule and are not picky which professors you take.
Cal Poly Pomona has a 4 year pledge that guarantees you can graduate on time if you follow the requirements for the program.
Thank you for the link menloparkmom. That is something I can show him. Jon234 - that is the only approach I have tried so far that has gotten any response. He is just so darn sad. Getting him to mad is progress. I try to tell him - heck I didn’t even go to college and I’m doing just fine. - that wasn’t something he wanted to hear. I firmly believe that a kid who sets a goal in second grade and works hard for 10 years to achieve it is not going to be limited by many things. I just need to get him through the grief and focus him on the future.
The registration system is described at https://registrar.calpoly.edu/enrollment-appointments . The two phase registration system is presumably intended to allow all students to get their most important courses first before other students looking for out-of-major electives fill them up. How well that works is something that students on the CPSLO forums may be able to answer better.