So schools on the NACAC list have already exhausted their waitlists by the first week in May? Is the application process the same as it would have been before the original deadline? Not familiar with this process.
Does he know about the Austin Queso scene? https://austin.eater.com/maps/best-queso-austin-guide
Have him look at the acceptance/rejection threads for engineering at UT Austin and the other schools he was accepted to, it may give him a better perspective on how hard these schools are to get into
Wow so many great responses here. Thank you all for the suggestions and stories where kids are happy on the other side of this whole process. I know he will be fine wherever he goes and this sadness is temporary. I just wish we had a time machine to move through it quickly. I’m hoping admitted students day will perk him up and get him excited.
He will be fine. Allow him to visit the school, he may find that he really enjoys it and likes the campus/crowds/activities. The degree that you get at the end of the day is not the only component towards an enjoyable college experience. Also, keep in mind that because he is attending his “safety,” it will most likely be easier for him to be at the top of his class there. I’ve heard of kids that get into UCLA but choose to attend schools like UCI because it’s so important to them to be at the top of their class so cheer up at least he has that going for him.
^I would not assume because this is his “safety” because he has the good fortune of living in Texas, that it will be at all easy or that he will be at the top of his class. UTA is one of the best in the US for CE. I think he will be surprised about the caliber of fellow students who will match him and the rigor.
@Cgaope I know it’s hard to see our kids struggle and although it sounds trite, I also think it’s true that we learn more from our challenges than anything else. Make sure your son knows that you have every confidence that he will shine as he moves forward.
@Sbp325, indeed, what @gearmom says is true.
For a VA CC transfer student who has the GPA required for automatic transfer admission, UVa would be a safety.
For a 3-2 engineering student at a LAC with a partnership with Columbia Engineering who hits the GPA required for automatic transfer admission, Columbia Engineering would be a safety.
However, in both cases, UVa/Columbia may actually be both the most prestigious and most challenging option available to the student.
On these boards, there seems to be a conflation of “safety” with unrigorous/unchallenging/weak when in many cases, that simply is not true.
Maybe approach it like this:
Try UT for a year. If it isn’t awesome, he could (with probably a very good GPA) attempt to transfer. Have him compile a list of, oh, five transfer schools that he likes and are affordable. I think it’s important that he does this by the end of the summer, before he goes to Austin. He should give it a chance, and dwelling on other schools might sabotage that.
The reality of the situation is that he is heading off to an outstanding school in a great college city. Texas is very strong in Engineering and a number of other programs, which is a relief to know in case he decides to change his major. It offers a great sports scene, social scene, there are lots of cool things to do in the city, etc. Hook 'em.
Yes, our youngest daughter had a lot of trouble accepting she was going to go to an OOS flagship on a huge merit scholarship instead going to a prestigious school like many of her classmates.
This was just our experience, but it helped a lot when we simply stopped trying to convince her and reason with her and stopped trying to be “excited about college”.
Her first year was definitely bumpy. Second year has been a 180. MUCH better. Night and day.
It’s hard to see our kids unhappy. We want to do something to fix it. But what will fix it faster? Talking more? Talking less? It’s hard to know at times.
Good luck, all will be well.
Maybe I’m simplifying things, but from what I’ve seen, whether it’s college or a job, it’s almost always all about the people. If you like and respect the people around you, you will eventually grow to like the situation. Be confident that he will find a group of friends at UT that will make him glad he went there.
Most schools I’ve seen seem to have a Facebook page for the Class of 2022. It’s full of kids who CHOSE the school, who are excited to be attending.
That sort of excitement is contagious. I would suggest that right after you send the deposit you:
- Go online and order a T shirt to wear to school on May 1.
- Have your child join that Facebook group and start looking for a roommate.
That’s a good point @bjkmom ! not only will the excitement be contagious, but often kids post all the schools they turned down to come to UT. He will see kids who are choosing UT over other tippy top programs, which should show him there will be plenty of high caliber students there.
Well, here’s an option - he can still go OOS to a great engineering school if he applies to U of New Mexico ASAP. He’ll be auto-admit, including the Honors College. He’ll be given an OOS tuition waiver, so the cost shouldn’t be too much different than your in-state school.
UNMs Honors College is top 25 in the nation. Their engineering school is #83. Rice is #30, for comparison purposes. Not that huge of a difference.
If you go to the UNM sub-forum, the school offered a recent applicant extra merit money amounting to a full ride for the first year. That student was female, but I don’t know if that impacted the offer or not. At best, he might fall in love with the school and stay. At worst, he’ll transfer in two years and still get to go OOS to a school with a highly regarded honors college.
Also, if your son is NMF, it’s an automatic full ride for all four years, and he can live in the Honors dorm for a smaller feel. Honors College classes are capped at about 18 students, and many of them are designed to fit into any schedule, even engineering, because they fulfill core requirements in unusual ways.
UNM is still accepting applications, still awarding Amigos and NMF packages, but if he’s at all interested, he needs to make the change in the NMSC portal by May 1.
Again, I know it’s not Rice or similar, but it’s “away,” in a new place where he might feel that sense of adventure. His safety is UT, right? Great school, no question. Great engineering department. I’m suggesting UNM only because your S isn’t excited about UT.
UNM has 20k undergraduates, so half the size of UT and he’ll be a top student, cream of the crop with less competition for things like internships.
^He was also accepted to ASU. Apparently not good enough.
When did the focus with kids shift from education to prestige and ranking? So many kids moaning that they study so hard for nothing. As if rankings are the end game, not learning so that you can be the best engineer, doctor, teacher or nurse but impressing other people. It defies logic that he cannot be happy that he can get a top notch education at UT. So there are a lot of people. You live in a town or city. Do you know every person? You have your own community of friends and it will be the same no matter where you go. There are not thousands of people in CE at UT. It will be just like Case after a few freshman courses. At both places, you will have small groups of same year CE majors that will form a community. Your life is going to be go to classes, labs, study, school work and trying to get enough sleep. It won’t matter if you are in Texas or on Mars, you’re pretty much going to be focused on work and trying to get enough sleep. He shouldn’t waste his mother’s money if he cannot put in a real effort at UTA. He should just get a job.
“UNM has 20k undergraduates, so half the size of UT and he’ll be a top student, cream of the crop with less competition for things like internships.”
If he wanted a smaller place as far away as NM where he would be cream of the crop, he could always go to UTEP.
Probably because society in general is trending more toward elite-or-bust.
Also, the kids growing up in “upper middle class no financial aid” families may want to maintain that lifestyle on their own, so they “need” to be elite in income and wealth, and perhaps believe that going to an elite college helps.
^Maybe but it does not seem so in this case. Frankly, I would allow a period of grumpiness and then I would lose patience. The dream has been to go to an out of state. The grass is always greener. It isn’t going to be a greatly different intellectual experience elsewhere. If you are from New York you have to go to California. California, you have to go to New York. Elsewhere kids are trying to get to California, New York, Texas, Florida or New England. It is a colossal waste of money. At 18 years old you have to live in your perfect dream place? You can’t move there sometime during the next 70 years of your life?
The kid is looking for validation. He wants his hard work to be recognized by receiving a college prize. But his prize is not his college but his education. His dream should not have been just going to a top twenty OOS school (unless it’s Rice and then being in Texas is O’k) but becoming the best possible Computer Engineer which should be a work in progress. Researching and developing products that could change people’s lives. Being financially stable and successful so that he can be independent and help his mother who has likely sacrificed so much raising him by herself. It is not heartbreaking that he receives an amazing education in Texas and then after he gets to live any where in the world he wants to without the burden of whopping debt. Heartbreaking is burdening his mother with high debt so that she won’t be able to retire when she wants to. Heartbreaking is not appreciating this opportunity for an education because of your ego and wasting it.
In two years, he could be offered a high paying internship in Texas. Is he going to decline because it is in Texas and Texas is not his dream state? In four years he could be offered a high paying job at a large international company. Is he going to decline because there are too many people? Wherever you go, you only have a small number of people that you are close with in your circle. What does it really matter that others inhabit the same general area? I’m hoping for his mother’s sake, in appreciation for all that she has done and his bright future, he gets a grip and realizes just how lucky he is and gives her a big hug and thanks her.
I’ve been thinking about this thread a lot, probably because OP said that her S had this goal since 2nd grade. So my overactive imagination has been envisioning a 7 year old being told by his teachers and everyone around him how smart he is, and how he’ll go to (insert the names of several top schools), and then fast forward 10 years (of sitting at his desk studying to accomplish this vision while his friends play outside) and seeing him get rejection after rejection from the type of school that everyone around him had said that he’d get into if he’d work hard. That’s pretty crushing.
Here’s where I’d be concerned if it were my S. I wouldn’t want him to be discouraged or feel cheated, or feel like the game is rigged or that hard work doesn’t pay.
In thinking about this, I think many of us didn’t really know the rules of the game for top tier private college admissions. Many people think (or thought) that top grades and test scores were enough, along with a couple of good leadership positions (captain of a school sport, class Pres, that sort of thing).
So maybe this outcome is consistent with something that we want our kids to know, which is in order to achieve a specific goal, we need to know the rules of the game, and those rules can change all the time and we need to constantly reposition ourselves in response to changes. And sometimes, even with playing the game right, we don’t win, but we got something valuable out of the game, and that’s the experience and knowledge, which sets us up better for the next game.
In any event, @Cgaope, even though your S doesn’t think so at the moment, I think he actually won the college admissions game and I hope he can come to see that. Why did he win? By going to a more affordable school that has a phenomenal reputation, he will have the benefits associated with such a strong school, as well as having the benefits of breathing financially. If he wants, he can study abroad for a year, take an extra year to graduate so he can take more classes and explore, and he doesn’t have to get a job during the school year, he can graduate without debt, and he doesn’t have to subject his mother to financial strain. All really excellent benefits, without giving up the strength of the program or being with kids who are as smart/motivated as he is. I understand being disappointed about not going out of state and spreading his wings more, but the tuition savings is going to give him more freedom than crossing a state line will.
“even though your S doesn’t think so at the moment, I think he actually won the college admissions game and I hope he can come to see that. Why did he win? By going to a more affordable school that has a phenomenal reputation, he will have the benefits associated with such a strong school, as well as having the benefits of breathing financially…I understand being disappointed about not going out of state and spreading his wings more, but the tuition savings is going to give him more freedom than crossing a state line will.”
This. We faced some of the same issues. S18 originally wanted to go far away to the UK or East Coast. In the end he’s decided to stay in-state, in a city he never imagined he’d end up in, because he just can’t justify the extra cost of his top choice OOS school. But when you consider the long term benefits of a top in-state flagship like UT Austin, or in our case UCLA, which tens of thousands of kids would love to attend, that is winning the college admissions game.