I was lucky enough to have parents who both survived the Great Depression and were both in combat zones in the Army in WWII. When I acted spoiled, I got blasted with tales of having no underwear, getting nothing but an orange for Christmas, and ten different ways to make a meal out of cabbage. The lesson was always the same: be happy for what you have; don’t be unhappy about what you don’t have.
^Especially this week with the Humboldt tragedy. And that one kid who woke up paralyzed but won’t cry and is now determined to be in the Paralympics.
@gearmom Amen!
In any case, if he really really wants that shiny elite private degree or small classes or whatever, there’s always grad school. A PhD would be paid for.
Masters may cost money, but with the money saved by going in-state, a 1Y degree could be paid for from savings. If he does well in undergrad, getting in would not be an issue.
I’m willing to bet that more recruiters show up at UT than CWRU!
Disappointment can be a strong emotion and it needs time to work itself out. Be patient with him. It’s tempting in life to think that we must have one specific path, and it’s only in hindsight that we can see how things work out over the big picture. We definitely assign way, way too much importance to the 4 years of undergraduate education, all of us, when you consider how long life is and how unpredictable it is. Yes, certain schools will help open doors. But even certain “name” schools will not guarantee anything, and it’s also about smart, focused choices. I have two degrees from highly selective, prestigious institutions (Pomona College and Stanford University) and my career has been a chronic frustration due to the priorities I had in my young adulthood (following new husband’s career, becoming a mom). By the time I hit my 30s, those “name” schools were nearly useless in opening new career doors and it was all about my resume (in my case, my lack thereof). Two of the most successful women I know both went to the local commuter school – not even a fun D1 campus like UT – so I’m convinced it’s all about grit, persistence, ingenuity, and having a practical plan.
For OPs son, I suspect a big problem is he is extremely well qualified, did the work, did all he could, and still didn’t get to hit that finish line in the way he wanted. But those years of hard work aren’t useless. It’s important to remember that. His study habits, test taking skills, and goal setting will continue to serve him well. FWIW, this admissions year seems to have been brutal and he’s not alone in living with disappointment. We’re hearing some jaw-dropping outcomes in our community this year.
Also, a few other things to consider. One is that the undergraduate academic calendar covers only about 8 months of the year, with a lengthy summer and a long winter break. So when you’re going “away”, you’re still back home quite a bit. He could pursue research or study options elsewhere to fill his summers, for example. Also, he could study abroad for a semester or look into any cross-registration or exchange programs within the US. And as others have said, if it comforts him, put some effort into the waitlist process.
So yes, it’s not easy. My D19 may land at a state school, which is not really what either she or I wants, but we have to consider the big picture. They say life is short, but my gosh, in many ways it’s a long and winding journey, and college is just a small piece of it. I’m taking the advice I’m reading repeatedly here on CC to focus happily on a kid’s less selective schools, and I’m trying to diversify my D’s choices even within that category. That advice makes sense.
A last note: this year and last, I have mentored two former foster youths to help them apply to college. For them, college is far from a given. So the joy – the real, palpable, lovely joy – is for them to be to go to college at all. It’s helpful to keep this all in perspective.
OP hasn’t been back in 5 days.
I’m in the same situation - trying hard to get excited over attending my safety - and frankly, I’m jealous of your kid for having UT-Austin as his safety! That’s a pretty awesome school. Maybe he’ll feel better once he gets started.