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</p>
<p>That was true when I was in engineering college. But now it seems co-ops and internships are much more common. Certainly it is true at DS’s school (a top engineering college)… we heard that after just freshman year almost 50% find summer internship or research opportunity. Then of course much higher % in subsequent years. It would be interesting to know national average.</p>
<p>Examples from engineering school websites </p>
<p>from University of Wisconson - [Fast</a> Facts - College of Engineering @ University of Wisconsin Madison](<a href=“http://www.engr.wisc.edu/fastfacts.html]Fast”>http://www.engr.wisc.edu/fastfacts.html)
“Prior to their graduation, approximately 85 percent of bachelor’s degree recipients complete at least one internship or co-operative experience.”</p>
<p>Maine - <a href=“https://umaine.edu/news/blog/2013/10/18/being-there-2/[/url]”>https://umaine.edu/news/blog/2013/10/18/being-there-2/</a>
“. In the UMaine College of Engineering, upward of 80 percent of undergraduates are involved in internships and co-ops as part of their academic experience.”</p>
<p>^^^
Remarkably close numbers given the difference school stats.</p>
<p>Make sure he knows what services the campus employment/career office offers, and ask him to please make an appointment to go in. The types of things they can help with that might be useful to him:</p>
<ul>
<li>Resume review</li>
<li>Practice interviews. At my D1’s college they would tape them in a practice interview, then go over the results.</li>
<li>Cover letter help.</li>
<li>Leads on internships. This is where he needs to get motivated and do some digging, too. But they will often provide leads for websites, where past students have interned, etc. At my D1’s college, they also knew about a small number of internships that weren’t widely publicized (local ones). But he can’t count on that, he will need to start following up and applying.</li>
<li>Encourage him to create a LinkedIn profile, and link to any older students he knows. This will help him with contacts when he is looking for a job upon graduation.</li>
<li>You also might encourage him to start a spreadsheet to track his applications. Where he applied, what date, info on the opportunity, if there are any deadlines, what he heard back from them, etc.</li>
</ul>
<p>Is it possible that he’s depressed? Given the language and culture barriers he had to overcome, it’s not surprising that it took him longer to get his degree, but if he seems unmotivated to do anything, that could be a sign of depression. Perhaps the transition has been more stressful for him than anyone realizes and getting lost in computer games is his way of coping. Good luck, Jong, you seem very dedicated to helping him and that’s to your credit.</p>
<p>Yeah I agree, its not easy to do that.</p>
<p>Very helpful advice and info. Thanks!</p>
<p>I did put him in a therapy for a couple of years but it didn’t help much. He seems to be more social and happier after transferring to the state U. </p>
<p>Yesterday he sent out 3 applications for the summer intern, two of which require Mandarin. A good sign! He also plans to go back to school a week earlier, when the faculty start the new semester, to consult with them. All these are his own decisions and I of course provide some support, such as getting a nearby motel before the dorm reopens.</p>
<p>When I was in school, the late 1980s, the Ivy engineering school I was at had well over 75% of students doing internships and/or co-ops. I did internships after every year of college, the first was at an engineering firm, the last two were at a pharmaceutical company. I got them through family connections, but some people get them through the college.</p>
<p>If he is going to end up in school for six years anyway, taking a semester to do a full-time co-op position might be a great idea.</p>
<p>Community Service … while taking classes … he will find a bump in his motivation while doing a service that will build self esteem. He will work with other students and professionals who are making a difference, and he will find an infectious goodwill growing within him. Finally, he will see those less fortunate and the veil of ignorance will be lifted. He will awaken to the idea that people of action are needed, appreciated, and that he can make a difference.</p>
<p>He can start with a contribution of service, then after years become a leader, and finally introduce others to joy of community service, including his own children. Our family participates in annual turtle watches, clean ups, juvenile court, fundraising walks/runs and volunteer for a variety of other community groups.</p>
<p>It seems to me that today’s parents are involved in their kids’ lives to a degree they never have been in the past. </p>
<p>I have an S who is smart as can be, but he doesn’t study all that much. He is a senior in college. He has no interest in finding an internship or co-op. He is not involved in any activities at school. He is not depressed. He is simply living his life the way he wants to live it - not particularly motivated, not setting the world on fire. He is 21 years old. He is a man. If he was flunking classes, I would step in and stop paying tuition - I am not about to waste my money - but other than that, it’s not my business. It is his life. He will figure it out, one way or the other. </p>
<p>Eventually, our kids have to find their own way. We have to allow them the space to make their own mistakes, or perhaps we only think they are mistakes.</p>
<p>I fully agree at this post:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>He has done better than many who have been in US for 20+ years.
Please give him more time (yes, he is “old” enough. But he is not in this environment long enough. Overcoming the language barrier does not imply that he has overcome other barriers in a new environment.)</p>
<p>Please be more patient.</p>
<p>OP, You seem to be a very supportive parent. Please continue to be so in his next 4 years.</p>
<p>
Teach a man to fish v give a man a fish.</p>
<p>I think the real problem is too many parents (that are involved with their kids) follow the give a man a fish philosophy. They don’t teach their kids how to be self-motivation or why it’s important to be self-motivated. I don’t think people can just become motivated over-night; it’s something that takes time to built up. The issue with letting someone go into the world who is still unmotivated is that by the time they gain enough experience to realize their mistakes, it can already be too late to do anything about it.</p>
<p>Good point, kelsmom! Personally, I would prefer your style of parenting, a way we were brought up. I have been on my own since 16. When I came to this country with no money, no family, zero English, I made my way to an ivy PhD. To me, although to survive is an important motivation, but passion is the ultimate one. So, giving fish is never my philosophy to educate my kid. What I have been looking for is the true passion (the self-motivation) in him.</p>
<p>But, there is, as bomerr pointed out, a timeframe in each life stage that requires decisions based upon one’s motivation. Sure, they will have to find their own way eventually, and I could only hope that it wouldn’t be too late to do anything about it.</p>
<p>Many successful men will tell you that they were a bit of a screw-up until a little later in life. Sometimes it takes getting married or having a child before the motivation really kicks in. Being left to sink-or-swim at age 16 is also a good motivator….</p>
<p>It is very hard for a parent to help an unmotivated 20+ year old.</p>
<p>I see this problem of unmotivated young people to be more prevalent in boys than girls. Does anyone agree?</p>
<p>Yes, I would say that in the Western world, at the well-educated upper eschelons, for the first time in the history of civilization, men are getting a rougher deal. Schools, workplaces, and fields of endeavor are being transformed in ways such that traits more typical of women than men (it doesn’t have to be much of a difference, 60-40 for example would have a massive societal impact) are more valuable now. Men still rule everything and women’s interests and ambitions are still thwarted nearly everywhere else, and I’m not saying this isn’t long overdue in some way or is unfair, but in a world where machines vastly outperform people at physical and mathematical labor, the most successful companies (such as my own) are taking feminine approaches to sales and administration (by which I mean making the customer feel collaborated with rather than impressed or protected, and making decisions about human resources based on soft values like personal growth, team spirit, and constant communication rather than hierarchy and measurable effectiveness), and old prejudices and expectations for gender are not taken as seriously, I think men are having, and boys forseeing, much harder paths to fulfilling lives than women and girls. </p>
<p>The nail in boys’ coffins, I think, is that it has become so cheap and easy to immersively simulate what tends to fulfill them- power, effectiveness, victory, sex appeal, etc. with video games and, ahem, other media, while what tends to fulfill girls- contact, beauty, subtle competition, romance, etc., though media is creeping in (through facebook &c), cannot yet be simulated satisfactorily enough that you can just shut yourself in and ignore the real world.</p>
<p>This is what my mom did to me. She said if I didn’t do something with my life by a certain date, I had go into the military OR live with my aunt. Thank goodness CSUN came through because I didn’t like either option.</p>
<p>It takes a lot of energy to go thru 4 years of college. That is why there is a debate whether undergrad should be completed in 3 instead of 4 years. I don’t blame your son’s lack of enthusiasm, it just gets boring in the junior year. Anyway, what you need to do is to talk to him gently and keep reminding him about his responsibilities. Also make sure that he has or make friends and goes out rather than play video games at home all the time. Those who socialize are usually more aware of their responsibilities. What you can do is give him money like $20 or something to go out for bowling with friends and stuff.
There is no one way to get your son motivated again, its a hit and try technique.</p>
<p>Agreed with murray</p>
<p>Our S is a BEE. He has a full-time a part-time job and is doing great. Our D has just gotten her degree after 6 years post-HS. She is still getting healthy enough to start looking in earnest for a real job or internship. Her chronic health issues have long interfered with her ability to have the stamina to hold anything full-time. She did get and keep part-time jobs, but right now our and her priority is for her to get her chronic condition under good enough control to contemplate a full-time something.</p>
<p>S has always been a lot more motivated and organized. He got himself internships and several great job offers by Feb of SR year. He also has suffered from unreliable stamina but somehow managed to make things work for him by pacing himself. I don’t necessarily think it’s a gender thing, as I know quite a few people of both genders who are having a hard time finding a good internship or job out of college. The labor market is a lot tougher these days than 20-30 years back, I think.</p>
<p>I agree that t would be good for this young man to talk with the placement office about co-ops, internships, summer jobs, etc. Those can often lead to full time job offers. Fortunately, jobs are generally better in engineering than in other fields, especially if he’s willing to relocate. Our S was offered one job in VA & two in HI. He took the one in VA and has been happy there. He was attending school in CA, so it was a pretty far relocation.</p>