<p>I couldn't quite figure out a title for this post that encompassed the problem: My youngest son will be graduating HS this year but seems quite unmotivated about leaving home for college, choosing a major or planning a career. Heck--I'm still working on getting him to focus on the SATs!</p>
<p>Part of the issue is that he has long been in the shadow of his goal driven older brother. Big bro excelled at the same HS, had a fair number of friends and participated in academic clubs. Older brother is graduating a year early from VT and is making plans to try to get into a top notch grad school.</p>
<p>Younger brother is a good student, getting A's and taking AP courses but without the inner motivation of his older brother. He has to to study while older brother didn't particularly have to-- which of course my youngest takes to heart--he thinks he's just stupid. His first AP's were only 3's compared to Big Bro's 5's. His PSATs were lopsided--his scores in math were quite good though not perfectly stellar but his reading/writing were in the 400's. (More helpings of low self esteem, please!) I'm not sure how much better he'll do on the SAT's this year since his vocabulary hasn't improved much if at all for reading comprehension. </p>
<p>He is also much more of an introvert (preferring animals to most people), so hasn't been much of a joiner beyond 4 years of track and 2 on student council. That's it for activities to date. He gets along well with family and has a small group of friends at school.</p>
<p>He is such a cynic about the world, politics and the economy that his attitude toward preparing for the future (selecting a major or thinking about a career) can be summed up with "Why Bother". Some of this is teenager bravado in the face of fear about the future but I need to get him motivated somehow. We haven't experienced the restive-teen-who-can't-wait-to-leave-home to be independent.</p>
<p>I'm at a loss for what kind of college to start looking for given the current picture. Once he's thrown into something, he does fine but it appears that the impetus has to come from outside of him.</p>
<p>This was hard to write since so many parents and kids on these boards come across like they have been preparing since birth and have the whole life's goal thing sewn up. Not all of us parents have kids like that--some don't want to take the world by the horns.</p>
<p>This boy sounds like a prime candidate for a gap year. He has the grades and likely the scores for a good college, so he hasn't burnt any bridges. He just needs to WANT to go. For now, I'd look into options other than college: maybe a semester/year abroad (pricy, I know) or staying home and doing AmeriCorps or simply getting a job. Give him a year to get to know himself, to think, to grow up a bit. Families that have taken this course usually rave about it. </p>
<p>Be glad you have the boy you do. So many unmotivated kids limit their options for the future by doing poorly in high school. Your son isn't one of them, and believe me, that's a cause for celebration.</p>
<p>It sounds like the time for the 'What do you want to do?' talk. </p>
<p>Our S seemed very unmotivated, didn't see the point of the HS busywork but was sure he would go to college. He said he knew there would be a college that would want his OK scores and just about 3.0 without APs. He went, had some struggles, but as he promised, he graduated on time.</p>
<p>I know of others who answered the question by ruling out further education at the time, or committed to a local vocational opportunity. Their successful outcomes rest with their ownership of their decision.</p>
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Once he's thrown into something, he does fine but it appears that the impetus has to come from outside of him.
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<p>Do you have some sense of which colleges would be a good fit for him?</p>
<p>I would come up with a list of colleges where you think he could be happy, see if you can some sense of which ones he would be interested in applying to -- perhaps his fear of failure makes it difficult for him to get started.</p>
<p>Maybe you can drag him along to a few college information sessions -- even if he appears unenthusiastic, he may still be taking it in.</p>
<p>Find schools that are SAT optional -- have him apply to some of those.
Find some schools that permit pets in the dorm.</p>
<p>If he can get away to college, he will be away from his brother's shadow -- I sense that might be a huge relief for him.</p>
<p>MTG, Similiar situation here. S1 excelled in most everything he tried with little effort,top of his class, had lots of friends, big social life, good part-time job, is on full ride at state u., has done well there and will graduate in May. </p>
<p>S2 (unlike your S2) did not make great grades, just average B/C kind of guy. He saw S1 glide thru and figured he could do the same...not. S2 was a good football player (4 yr. starter)with lots of friends but no other real ec's except a part-time job. . He knew he couldn't match S1's academic success so was happy to float along. After years of trying to motivate him and dropping hints (to which there was very little response) about college, I decided to stop..Senior year was up to him. </p>
<p>At the beginning of Senior yr., all the guys on the football team started talking about college. By late Sept., S2 decided he should be applying somewhere. Didn't really have a major in mind but decided to go ahead with it anyway. He applied to two state u's (the directional variety) that he thought his average grades and avg.SAT might get him into. He got in both before Christmas. I was surprised at how happy he was over the first acceptance since he had been sort of blaise about it until then. Maybe he was afraid of rejection so was trying to act cool,IDK. </p>
<p>By the end of senior yr., he was really glad that he had gone ahead with the apps. even though he wasn't certain about what he wanted at the time he applied. I think the peer pressure of senior yr. (and maybe a little from me) did it for him. I just urged him to keep all options open (not forcing him to decide right away) so he would have choices. </p>
<p>He is now in his third week of freshman yr. at his first choice of the two acceptances. I hear from him very little. He seems to be having a good time and says the profs. are "pretty cool". I think he's really glad to be there even though last year this time he wasn't sure about it. </p>
<p>So I would say...don't force college but do urge him to apply so that he will have that option in the end. Even if he decides not to attend, at least he will have had the option/choice to make for himself.</p>
<p>I am a Mom of 3 boys and "boy are they different"!!! My oldest was only motivated to the subjects that interested him, graduated high school with barely a 3.0 and is now 24 and a licensed Paramedic.....who knew!!! :) </p>
<p>My second was the athlete, struggled academically, everybodys favorite student because of his outgoing personality but no idea what he wanted to do. He, unlike the usual family situation, was living in the shadow of his younger brother who is the 4.5 GPA, student body vice-president who cleary knows that he wants to pursue a degree in renewable and sustaineable energy. </p>
<p>Son #2 has recently graduated high school with a 3.0GPA, no honors or AP's and is enrolled in a local community college for a certificate program for public relations type careers. He is loving it, feels good about himself and the program and the opportunities that it may present, BUT he is not taking 1 academic credit because it is a professional certificate program. I knew that if he was pushed into yet more "high school like" curriculum, ie math, english, science, etc. that he would be miserable. The good news is that 18 of the 25 credits from the certificate program will apply to an AA if he decides to continue with some gen ed classes.</p>
<p>My point is that even if they don't know what they want, there are options out there besides a 4 year college as we all know. I did not want to encourage a gap year for son #2 as I felt that the peer pressure and temptation to get a job and start making decent money (in 18 and 19 year old standards)would make for a difficult case next year to get him interested in a college program.</p>
<p>Each family is different as is each child, but I feel your frustration as I have lived a little bit of it. Finding what "speaks" to each one of them and seeking out a program that fits is the best advice that I can give. College is not for everyone and thank goodness for certificate, professional, and vocational programs for those that need them.</p>
<p>I can't speak from experience with a child like yours, but have you considered having some vocational testing? maybe something like the Johnson O'Connor program if it's available in your area? Or at least things like that old Kuder preference test? Sometimes, kids like your son enjoy going through this sort of thing. It can help give them a sense of direction.</p>
<p>OP, what has your son been exposed to in terms of colleges? Has he done any visits? I, too, have 3 boys that are wildly different. S1 was stealth and after a flash trip to big schools and little colleges, knew exactlly what type of school he wanted and where he wanted to go (far away from home)...made a decision and is a very happy sophmore. S2, a junior in HS, would follow S1 just because he's not a decisive kid, but he really doesn't have a sense of the possibilities either. We're going to go on some visits and I hope that at least opens up his mind to the options. We will take a much harder look at colleges closer to home for S2, also, because S2 does not have that restive get me out of here 'tude that S1 definitely had. S2 "likes" home and life at home.</p>
<p>Send him to a college where he will be in the top third academically, where the entire culture isn't greek, and someplace opposite of and far away from the older brother's school. Whatever happens, make sure he applies to a couple of schools so in case April rolls around and he decides he really DOES want to go to college, he will have open doors to walk through. Sometimes kids just don't know what they want. I figure my job as a parent is to protect them from themselves at times.</p>
<p>Thank you for the replies. I'm glad I checked the website again since there were new posts that I hadn't known about.</p>
<p>We haven't begun looking for colleges yet since I haven't been able to get a clear read on what he wants. So far all I get is that he doesn't want to be TOO far away. We'll have that discussion today hopefully since he has got his SAT/ACT pamphlets from the HS this week. (groan) I am dreading the verbal/writing scores.</p>
<p>He tells me that to date he is ranking 47/430 unweighted and 29/430 weighted. His GPA is 3.8 unweighted and a 4.(something) weighted for whatever that means in this college search process. </p>
<p>I find that I'm doing a lot of legwork on his behalf so far and have to cajole him into taking action which he eventually will do but I am a stickler for getting things squared away. (Yes, saving him from himself--ha ha!)</p>
<p>It seems like most of our state colleges in MD that are considered good have become quite competitive so we'd have to also look out of state which brings up costs for non-residents. We are trying to avoid student loans if at all possible and pay out of education savings--so more than 25K/year would probably dump us into needing the increasingly scarce loans.</p>
<p>As for the gap year concept--my oldest son wasn't ready for school right out of HS (copped a 'tude) and it was he** to get him back into the swing of thinking academically even a year later. He'll finally be finishing up his AA at our CC this semester at age 25. Hopefully, he'll transfer elsewhere to complete a full 4 years but I don't know his plans.</p>
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A genius who does not try hard and instead ends up destitute is no longer a genius, he has lost his claim to natural intelligence.
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<p>Sorry, but money does not equal intelligence, and intelligence does not guarantee nor equal money.</p>
<p>An unmotivated kid isn't the same as a stupid kid. Motivation doesn't equal ability.</p>
<p>Three<em>to</em>go, your son's GPA is excellent and will surely serve him well getting into a college. You might want to have him take the ACT; some kids perform much better on it than on the SAT. (Two different kinds of tests, these, and he might find the ACT more in line with his way of thinking.) You could have him take a practice test first, perhaps, to see whether this is a worthwhile avenue to pursue.</p>
<p>Or, as already suggested, go with an SAT/ACT-optional school.</p>
<p>Stripperella, this is to you.
Wow. Just wow. The "sad face" reflected a veiled barb if you ask me. This whole initial ranking of humans according to test scores is just stupid anyway. My kid is NOT stupid--he hates the competitiveness of the whole process that has been set up to get into college. I will grant you that many kids who "work harder" come from disadvantaged circumstances because that is their way out from a situation they don't want to remain in.</p>
<p>To the way back machine. When I took the SATs in the year Ought, I scored in the 490M 570V. I went on to college where I turned out to be a stellar student, ultimately taking the hardest classes/profs that I could as a personal challenge to myself. Overall I have had 10 years of college/grad school over a 20 year span and the only low year I had was as a freshman when my first semester was 3.0. From then on it was only up. I was top of my graduating class sharing top GPA honors with 4 others at GMU. Test scores for SAT's or whatever often reflect the attitude at the time toward school or life in general. Some kids just don't get in motivation gear until they are in a different environment.</p>
<p>3togo - ignore the Stripper. Anybody who would call somebody else's child stupid does not have opinions to be valued.</p>
<p>My S is unmotivated and I've posted the challenges I've had in eliciting interest in the college process with him. He does not have the grades your son has (my DS is a 3.0) but very good test scores, and I think colleges will probably weigh your son's strengths and my son's similarly. </p>
<p>I've approached this whole process with trepidation. Does it really serve my S well to have mommy do all the research/work? Am I trying to live my dreams through him (although I'm an executive at a successful firm, I didn't go to college and have to keep reminding my son that I would not be hired in today's world)? Should I back off and let the chips fall where they may?</p>
<p>Good or bad, I'm going with my gut. I've always felt that my job as a parent is to provide opportunities to my child and do all I can to keep his options open, and I have done a ton of research as his "administrative assistant."</p>
<p>He's a good kid who has always been an "old soul," and the whole high school experience for him boils down to hanging with his friends, doing the mininum he needs to do, listening and playing music (real guitar and his favorite, Rock Band), video games, etc. I sincerely believe he'll blossom when he gets to college where it is more acceptable to be himself rather than fit into a high school clique or stereotype. In that vein, the focus is toward LACs rather than big state schools. As Bessie counseled, we're looking at schools where his test scores will put him at the top so he can flourish.</p>
<p>We're heading back east (he wants to be far from home) this month to look at a few, and I hope he gets energized. He has strongly resisted college visits in the past, but is not now, so hopefully your son will grudgingly gain some interest as well. While we have to let our kids be themselves, it's also our job to guide them to be their best.</p>