Well, as some may know from an earlier post, my dad passed away 3 weeks ago. I’m still really sad and trying to process it all. However, I feel like my friends have kinda forgotten what I’m going through. My friends keep asking me to go out and party with them on the weekend but I’m simply not ready yet. I don’t want to party I just want to take a walk at night or stay in my dorm. I tell them they can go without me and I’ll stay but they tell me if I don’t go, then nobody goes. I feel like I’m being such a burden on them. I’m dealing with my own stuff and they shouldn’t stop having fun on the weekend because I don’t wanna go with them. I don’t wanna bring up what I’m going through because I feel like I’m starting to sound really depressing but honestly, it’s the only thing on my mind right now.
These friends are “friends”.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I think you articulated your feelings quite well here. I’d pick out a couple lines from your post and be blunt with your friends. “Guys, I’m still not feeling like partying again. My dad is the only thing on my mind right now and I would rather have time to process that. You’re making me feel guilty for holding you back. I don’t need that on top of everything else.”
I’m sorry for your loss.
Your “friends” shouldn’t be guilt-tripping you into going (and that’s what they’re doing).
Tell them that you’re still upset about your dad and they can go or not, but you’re not going. Real friends will understand and not-real friends aren’t worth your time.
Alternatively, you could say something like, “I have other commitments/plans tonight, maybe next time” (regardless of whether or not you do). Hopefully they wouldn’t ask any further. Sorry for your loss.
So sorry for your loss. Your grief timeline is not going to match with anyone’s impression of what it should or shouldn’t be, you feel what you feel and you have to go through it. Keep telling your friends the truth. You are not in a state of mind of party, and that they can go or not, that is up to them. At the same time, do not feel guilty about how your feel, or the choices that they make, whether it is to go ahead and party without you or to hang with you if you don’t want to go. You feel what you feel. Do get some grief counseling to help you through the process.
Or you could look at it a different way…“I just wanted to thank you for supporting me during this time after my Dad died. I am still not ready to go out and party. I understand if you want to go out, but if you want to stay in and watch a movie i am up for that.”
I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my mother during college and the pain hit me at random times. I hope you’re getting support from campus counseling as well as from your well meaning (but possibly ineffective?) friends.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Years ago, my sister passed away while my niece was away at college. Afterwards, I would get calls from the mother of her roommate (they were high school friends) telling me that my niece wasn’t going out with her friends on the weekends and that they were concerned. I called my niece and she said going out was the last thing she wanted to do as she was dealing with major life changes. During that semester, she concentrated on her studies and became more “serious” about life in general. The friends she met during this time were the ones she is still in contact with, 12 years later.
Take care of yourself. Explain to them you need to do (and not do) activities and that it is not personal.
Good luck
I am so sorry. I don’t think your friends have forgotten; I suspect they want to help but don’t really know how. Adults sometimes have trouble with that too. Just tell them honestly that what you need right now is time alone and that when you’re ready to go out again, you’ll let them know. But encourage them to go out and have a good time. And remember to make use of campus counseling resources if you need them.
They sound nice … maybe come up with something you can do with them during the day, whether a movie or a walk or whatever, and then they can go party and you can spend some alone time. This way they get to help and you are not spending too much time alone. Nice friends are invaluable …
A one-on-one conversation with the friend you feel closest to might be easier. Then, that person can be your proxy with the rest of the group explaining what you need.
Sorry for your loss. I think there are good suggestions here, especially palm715.