<p>I'm just looking for some general advice and anyone's personal experience with explaining to their family about taking a year (or two) off.</p>
<p>So, I've been thinking about taking a year off from college for the past month. Honesty, I feel like I deserve a break from school after being forced to go for 13 years straight (I wanted to take a gap year after HS graduation, but family talked me out of it by giving that precious, controlling ultimatum: "get a job or go to college"). I have a plan in mind (read RANT 2 below) and I'm pretty determined to follow through with it.</p>
<p>The problem is that deep down inside, I am a severe "people pleaser". I'm afraid to tell them my plan because I know that they would only think that I'm going to be hardcore lazy for the year.</p>
<p>To be blunt, you are lazy. I think your parents are right. Don’t get me wrong I see where you’re coming from but the reasons you give for wanting to take a 1-2 year break from college aren’t very substantial and odds are you’ll most likely not graduate college because you just don’t seem to have the will to.</p>
<p>Now if you want to lose weight, make money, and become more outgoing then you can DEFINITELY do that, but you’re more likely to be sucessful achieving those goals in college. Losing weight is a lifestyle change, not just some fad diet, you have to be able to handle other responsiblities while remaining healthy to achieve long-lasting results. Going to college will make yourself more marketable and will pay off in the future. Taking on a part time job in college isn’t a bad idea and might allow you to become more sociable with customers and classmates. Becoming more sociable means being around others who are very extroverted and sociable, i.e. college students. To be honest I think you’re making a terrible mistake in not facing your challenges and seeing this through. If you want to take a break that’s fine but do it at a more convenient time like after you attain your associates or bachelors degree.</p>
<p>You seem burnt out which is understandable, but there are more productive ways of relaxing and figuring things out that don’t require you taking a few years off. 13 years of school may appear to be alot, but there are many people who’ve gone through K-12, College, and Grad without a break (and most people do, esp. in this economy). </p>
<p>Prioritize and make better goals for yourself.</p>
<p>That’s not a precious, controlling ultimatum. That’s life. If your parents are paying the bills, then they get a say in how you live your life. If they want you to go to college but you don’t want to, that’s fine, but you’re an adult. If you want to move out, you have to get a job and pay your own bills. That’s the way life works.</p>
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<p>Quite frankly, if you want to take a gap year, that’s fine, but you should get a job (or get experience in something that would be applicable to whatever career path you choose). Losing weight is great–it really is–but you don’t have to put your entire life on hold to lose weight. Join a gym, go running, exercise. Cut out junk food and fast food, and eat more fruits and vegetables (and less red meat or eat leaner meat). All of the above can be done while you’re in school or working a full time job.</p>
<p>If your parents require for you to be in school for them to financially support you, then I would stay in school (and try to build a healthier lifestyle while you’re at it). If you’re prepared to move out and be financially responsible for yourself, then I would get a job (and try to build a healthier lifestyle while you’re at it).</p>
<p>I don’t understand why you can’t be in school or work a job and lose weight at the same time. If you really want to force yourself to lose weight, find a job involving manual labor or ride your bike to school or work or to get groceries.</p>
<p>@AlexaBelle: lol no, I appreciate the bluntness (wouldn’t have it any other way)! I’m definitely taking your post into consideration (in fact, I’m questioning myself, yet again)… Thanks.</p>
<p>@baktrax: Thanks for the response. If I do take the year off, I do plan to continue looking for a job (been applying all summer and no luck). </p>
<p>I should be more clear. I definitely WILL go back to school after the year break (because let’s face it, you pretty much have to these days), but I don’t want to continue going to class everyday and HATING it. I thought now would be the best time because I don’t have to worry about paying off any student loans or being desperate to find a job to pay off said student loans (I haven’t taken any out, but will have to if I go to school this year). I feel like the stress of being judged by my peers everyday (I’ve been called weird, ugly, told I look like a guy, etc), grades, learning how to study efficiently (I never had to study before, so I’m trying to learn now), transitioning into the “adult world”, money, society, family, and life is too much for me to tackle all at once. I’ve made the goal year after year ever since I was about 11 years old, to lose weight and it always fell into the back burner because of the “stressors” that I previously mentioned. </p>
<p>idk… I guess I’m just being emotional and not rational. Thanks to everyone who responded (and anyone who will respond after this post)!</p>
<p>If you are in cc how about just lightening your load. Maybe take just 2 classes, get a part time job and put yourself on a steady diet and exercise plan. That way your family will not look at it as a gap year.</p>
<p>I agree with those who say your reasons for taking a year off don’t really resonate… “I deserve a break” doesn’t sound like enough – and you don’t exactly list off reasons WHY you deserve a break (all of our kids have been going to school for 13 years “without a break” – oh, except for summer break and winter break and spring break – a lot more breaks than you get in the working world!).</p>
<p>Here are a few thoughts on your other goals:
Losing weight: When you get to college, try to sign up for TWO one credit gym classes. Badminton, volleyball, aerobics, walking, fencing, whatever. Usually they meet 2-3 times a week – you WILL work out if you have to go to class.
Eating: Someone is cooking for you in the dorms at college! And they do always have healthy choices. Salad bar, sandwich bar with turkey, vegan options that may be healthier, etc. You can find willpower anyplace if you choose to. Staying in the same environment you have been in is LESS likely to result in a weight loss, IMHO.
Becoming more outgoing: Being at home for a year sure isn’t going to make you more outgoing. Getting out and spending time with people, living in a dorm, joining a club on campus, getting a part time job on campus – those are all things that increase your skills and comfort level with people. Again - you will NOT gain confidence by spending another year in your home environment.</p>
<p>I say go to college this year – your family probably knows you well enough to know that you are the bird that needs a shove out of the nest sometimes.</p>
<p>in addition to intparent’s suggestions, I would add, use the college’s health service. They may have counseling/groups/medical plans for students who want to manage their weight. I am sure you are not the only student unhappy with body image on campus. Get some support!</p>
<p>If I am reading between the lines correctly, you don’t really have any plan for your time off. What is really behind your desire to “take time off” is that you don’t like the way you look, and so you don’t want to be out in public. You don’t want to go to school until you have lost weight; you don’t want to get a job until after you have lost weight. You basically want to hide from life until you have lost weight. </p>
<p>That’s not a good strategy for so many reasons.</p>
<p>Out of curiosity, what have you been doing this summer? If you haven’t been working on your weight issues, it’s not too late to get started. Start easy. Just take a couple of walks every day. If you go shopping, park at the back of the parking lot. Could you volunteer at an animal shelter, taking dogs out for walk/play every day? Animals are non-judgmental. If you are watching TV, exercise during commercials–do anything that occurs to you–jumping jacks, leg lifts, pushups, jogging in place–just move. Maybe go to a gym like Curves, where not everyone is whip-thin and superfit, so you won’t feel discouraged before you start.</p>
<p>Don’t go in to hiding–you have a life to live.</p>
<p>Maybe you should set a goal for yourself, to lose weight while you finish community college, so you can have a fresh start when you transfer to a 4-year college or university to finish your degree.</p>
<p>I agree that you don’t seem to have a plan that makes sense here. If you aren’t in school, what makes you think you will lose weight?</p>
<p>You sound very frustrated and depressed. You’ve labeled yourself as
and
</p>
<p>Feeling like that wouldn’t give anyone lots of extra emotional energy to pour into school or work or going to the gym or whatever. </p>
<p>I believe you when you say you want to lose weight, make money and become more confident. So do about 95% of the people I meet every day.</p>
<p>What I don’t believe is that you have a specific plan in mind to start achieving those goals. Tell me what - exactly what - you’re doing right now to lose weight. Are you making any changes to your diet? Going to the gym? Walking around the block? If you haven’t started doing any of that, or you tried it until it became uncomfortable or inconvenient, what do you intend to do to change that? Will you exercise with a friend? Join Weight Watchers or an online support group where you’ll have some accountability? See a nutritionist? How will you reward yourself for success?</p>
<p>(I’m focusing on the weight loss issue only because it’s my own ongoing struggle and because you seem to perceive it as the root of the other problems (why, for example, would you wait to look for a job until you lose weight??). But the same advice could also be applied to the money issue or the confidence issue. )</p>
<p>Your family will be more open to your suggestion of a gap year if you provide them with a detailed plan for how you will be spending your days and how you will be funding it. Were you planning to live at home and have your parents support you?</p>
<p>Thanks everyone! I gave myself a little break to relax and clear my mind/emotions, thought about it, and decided to just go. If it’s the same as prrvious years, oh well… I made it through then, so I’ll make it through now. Maybe taping the student loan amount to my desk will motivate me to study!</p>
<p>@stradmom: Yes, I’m brainstorming a plan and the steps to accomplish it. I’ll be 20 in a few months and I feel ready to buckle down and get myself straight. Thanks for checking up.</p>
<p>hm i would have said don’t go because you really don’t want to and were hating it. but the reality is if you didn’t go though you’d probably be judged by your family a lot and being that you’re living at home that could strain your relationships with your parents. while they may relent to your plan, they would probably resent how you got all this time off from school and work while they had to go to their jobs. and then what would they think of their daughters future if it didn’t seem to them like anything was changing. you could probably end up more lost on your own after a year and more resistant to going back to college than you are now. or you could accomplish everything you want to and be in much better shape to return to school. it’s hard to say. if you DO go back to school but don’t find a way to make it any more enjoyable or any less hard, if it stays the same as it was last year, then that doesn’t seem sustainable to me and you might get to a point where you’re failing classes or not going to them.</p>
<p>Also, why are you in college? What is your goal? How does it fit into your plan for the future? If you don’t have solid answers to these questions than maybe you shouldn’t be in college (yet).</p>