How unhappy do you have to be to know you need to transfer?

College Life
1

<p>I'm planning to enroll this fall at a somewhat reputable liberal arts college in Maryland and have been having some problems lately. The most primary of which is that I don't feel I'm going to the right school. Let me explain why. I got straight A's my first two years of high school. I had a dream of attending UChicago and majoring in English and philosophy and the more I thought about it, the more incentive I had to try hard in school. During my junior year, however, I was struck by a horrific bout of depression that made studying and doing any kind of work utterly impossible. As you may predict then, my grades plummeted. I ended the year with a C average and came pretty close to failing physics. Things got so bad that I only ended up coming to school maybe three times a week on average because I couldn't even get out of bed. The following year, when I was applying to colleges, I was so disappointed with my grades and blown opportunities that I didn't even care where I was going to college and never even visited a single school during the application process. Thus, I took no effort in trying to find the right school and now feel that I'm going to the wrong one.</p>

<p>Last month I went to orientation and a lot of my trepidations about attending this school were confirmed. You see, I'm a very quiet kid. I like to read books and write, and I don't like to party and I loathe sports. The school I'm going to--yeah, not exactly my place. It's a big drinking school and everyone loves lacrosse and dresses all preppy. God, I hate that. It doesn't help either that all three of my roommates fit that bill too. I mean, it's not like I won't give the school a chance, but I have a bit of an idea of how it will turn out. </p>

<p>I'm sorry to write this self-pitying mess of a rant, but sometimes I just wish someone would tell me what to do all the time so that I didn't keep messing up everything I do. The thought of feeling, in college, as alienated as I did in high school is terrifying. I kept holding out during high school, even when things were really bad for me, because I thought that the people in college would be more interesting and I would develop more meaningful friendships. But when I go to orientation and it seems that all the kids are interested in is getting wasted, everything begins to look kind of grim. Sometimes I figure that the problem is not other people, but me rather, and I need to take a deeper look at myself. Maybe that's it, but that still doesn't solve anything. No matter what I do, I just feel very lost. A lot of words spring up when I think of myself including "lonely," "confused," "hopeless," ...but the one word that seems to fit best, for me, is "lost." I feel lost when I'm alone and lost when I'm with tons of people. I wake up in the morning and I don't even know what to do with myself. I feel so pointless that I wonder why I'm even alive. Ah, God, this is embarrassing to be writing all this, but what else can I do? </p>

<p>If anyone has any advice, I would appreciate it so, so much. My thought is that I would spend a year at this college, see how I like it, and if I don't, transfer out. But if I'm REALLY unhappy, then maybe I should just come home and go to a college near where I live for a semester, and then transfer again. I don't know.</p>

2

<p>don’t worry i took a psychology class at a community college i can help.</p>

<p>hm. so what’s the problem?</p>

3

<p>Hey! You should cheer up :smiley: I can totally sympathize where you’re coming from…because I’m in a similar situation. But you know what, I would advise you to just the most of your time there—you mind end up liking the school, you never know. Also, eventually I’m sure you’ll find your own niche and a great start would be joining clubs to meet other people with similar interests :slight_smile: don’t stress too much about it…just go in with an open mind and try to be nice/friendly with everyone since freshman year everyone is desperate to make friends.</p>

<p>Good Luck! :)</p>

4

<p>I always fail the first time i try anything. But this failure is what drives me to become a master.</p>

5

<p>I was exactly in your position. I still haven’t really ‘found’ myself but I definitely know what direction to go in.</p>

<p>My advice? Work hard. Do not let your depression get to you (I know, easier said than done, WAY easier). It’s easy to fall into the cycle of: depression, lose motivation to work, get bad grades which makes you more depressed, so on and so forth. Get good grades so the semester isn’t squandered. If it’s really truly awful then definitely leave before anything ends up on your transcript and enroll at your local CC then transfer if you really want to. I’m sure you hear this a lot but go with an open mind, you might find like-minded people and at the very least it will help you tolerate your stay there. Look at it as boot camp, a few months of crap you’ve just gotta endure.</p>

<p>There’s a reason you’re alive - you can still find your way. I think that’s a big problem with how we do things here in the states. We spend 12 years in school and then we’re immediately thrust into college and expected to know what we want to do with the rest of our lives when we’ve barely even lived (at current medical advancements) a fourth to a fifth of our lives. You are not the only person this has happened to. </p>

<p>tl;dr - Don’t fall into the depression cycle (I’d recommend seeing the mental health counselors if you think you need it. Don’t worry what others might think, YOUR health is MORE IMPORTANT than what some ******bag thinks), get good grades if you decide to stay, or just withdraw and attend your local school and then transfer to somewhere you really want to be. Don’t worry about your past experiences, just focus on the now and get stellar grades and prove to yourself (and to colleges you want to apply to) that you are a motivated individual. The fact that you’re worried about this instead of just accepting your ‘fate’ and never making moves in life is a good start.</p>

6

<p>I don’t think, no matter how sure you are, that you can really know 100% that you need to transfer until you actually go to the school. Chances are that not everyone fits the type you described as disliking, and who your roommates are doesn’t matter as much as you think. I’d go into it thinking that you’ll finish out the year, though maybe start looking at places you may want to transfer to. See how you like the school and then you can figure out if you need to transfer or not. </p>

<p>My orientation SUCKED but I couldn’t be happier with my school now - I firmly believe it’s the best place in the world. I know it seems terrible now, but go in with an open mind - you might really like your school, there’s just no way to know until you actually go.</p>

7

<p>One thing I can say is that I wouldn’t worry too much about the people at orientation acting like all they want to do is party. Like you, most of these people are really worried and insecure about going to school, so their way of coping is trying to present themselves as super fun, crazy party people because on some level they believe (maybe rightly so) that this will gain them friends. </p>

<p>I definitely believe that if you are truly unhappy somewhere, you should make the best of it while you are there and transfer. I have transferred schools twice, and the third time was a charm for me. Surprisingly, though, as a nerdy and not terribly outgoing person myself, the place where I did find my niche was the school with a bunch of jocks where partying and sports are especially popular. </p>

<p>I have two important pieces of advice for you in your first couple of weeks. Firstly, since you have a history of problems with depression, the very first thing I would do is go into the counseling center and see if you can get yourself counseling. I struggled with the same feelings throughout high school and my first two years of school, and when I was at my worst I had to wait several weeks to get in to see a counselor. Even if you don’t have problems now, having a weekly slot with the counselor will give you an opportunity to develop stress management and coping strategies in case things do go poorly, and to deal with your worried feelings coming to the new school. Then, if things do go downhill you won’t find yourself on a waiting list for help.</p>

<p>Secondly, take a big look out for student organization fairs and club bulletins. The VERY best way that I have found to make friends is to get involved with people who have similar interests, or at least interests that seem to attract people like me. In my case, I’m not a super huge fan of anime myself, but I know that I tend to get along with the people who are. I started attending my school’s anime club and I have met some super cool people there, including one girl who is one of my best friends and that I would not have met otherwise. </p>

<p>My most recent year of college has been really amazing, but one of the biggest contributors to this change was that I worked to get out of my shell a little more. You don’t really have to do anything too crazy, but keeping your door open, and popping by the open doors of others and saying hi might just land you a friend. Also, it may seem a little odd, but take a look out for people who have things that coincide with your interests. For example, if you like a specific band and see someone wearing their t-shirt, or you really love a particular author and they come in with a stack of his books, you might have someone with whom you have things in common. In my boyfriend’s case, he discovered two of our best friends (including my suitemate next year) by profiling them by their hair. We’re nerdy types, so he thought that the guy with the ponytail and the girl with the blue hair might be into the same stuff as us. And he was right. </p>

<p>Good luck and I hope that your worries end up not being justified. :)</p>

8

<p>

</p>

<p>We you already have the gun in your hand. Anything less is weakness.</p>

9

<p>Any suggestions of where I might want to transfer to? My high school GPA is like a 3.2/3.3 and I plan to get straight A’s when I’m at college this year.</p>

10

<p>Don’t be seriously considering transferring before you even go. Give the school a chance first.</p>