how would u score this essay?

<p>It is quite obvious that technological advances and innovations have in many regards made life easier and day-to-day tasks more convenient. However, there most certainly are important reasons for using simpler methods instead of modern technology from time to time. While all the technological developments of this era have indeed made life markedly easier, one also should and need not forget how to do things the traditional way. Further more, we cannot let technology all in all replace humans as the years progress. It is thus crucial that humankind resist the excessive use of modern technology in order to stop man from becoming obsolete and inefficient.
The concept of technological innovations versus manual labor strikes quite close to home for me. Growing up, I used to write papers for school with pen and paper and would research using tools like an encyclopedia or library book. The process was inherently more tedious and time-consuming than it is today to research an essay using search engines. However, I feel like there was definitely something worthwhile to be gained by that longer, mechanical process. I learned valuable information from a variety of textual sources, which included diagrams, charts, pictures and analyses. While it is more quick and efficient to use the Internet today, I certainly feel that my old style of research was helpful as well.
Another significant example of the danger of over reliance on technology is the state of employment today. With the increased efficiency and varied skills of technological creations, many once valued workers are being laid off in favor of machines or computers that will do their job for them. In fact, one will most likely discover that when calling a company’s phone number for repairs or questions about a product, a computerized message will talk to you and not an actual human being. The implementation of such policies is dangerous to modern society and to the general public who are being kicked out of jobs. The world also becomes much more impersonal amid such technological domination. Society must try to resist overusage of technology in order to protect their way of life.
Technology, while beneficial in many ways, can also be detrimental to the masses if relied on too exclusively or largely. Innovations in technology should be tools in our everyday lives and should not replace actual human labor, or else society…..[did not finish last sentence]</p>

<p>Tell me what you would give this on the SAT scale, why, and what improvements are needed.</p>

<p>I don't know what criteria are used to score these essays. But as a writer, the first thing I notice is that your sentences are padded with unnecessary words. </p>

<p>"It is quite obvious that..."</p>

<p>"There most certainly are..."</p>

<p>"...one also should and need not..." </p>

<p>"It is thus crucial that..."</p>

<p>Adverbs are not your friend. Too many "-ly" words sap the strength of your sentences: certainly, definitely, inherently, markedly. In most cases, the sentence means the same without them.</p>

<p>You're also using twenty-dollar words where a five-dollar word would do. Don't obfuscate to appear erudite. ;) You know what you're trying to say; say it straight and clear. </p>

<p>You also need to ask whether you're proving your case. Your argument is that technology will make humans obsolete and change our way of life. Yet we've used technology since the Stone Age. Technology has reshaped human society for millenia. What's so different about <em>this</em> technology? </p>

<p>Consider possible rebuttals to your main points and address them in your essay. If you argue that computers are taking jobs away from people, for example, I might argue that computers have created new jobs--entire industries--that never existed before. I might argue that letting machines take on mindless, repetitive, or backbreaking tasks frees our work force for better things. With those potential arguments in mind, how would you reshape your essay to counter them?</p>

<p>I hope this is helpful. Good luck with your college essays.</p>

<p>was this your may sat essay?
im curious. what score did it receive?</p>

<p>it received a 10.</p>