<p>I would indeed be suspicious of someone widowed three times, of knowing something I don't, working, e.g., at Blue Shield with access to medical files. I'd wish my doctor had told me... ;)</p>
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<p>Just because someone has 3 spouses does not mean that person is widowed.</p>
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Just because someone has 3 spouses does not mean that person is widowed.
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<p>You're right! It means that he's a Mor....</p>
<p>;)</p>
<p>I guess that there are some Scott Peterson fans here.</p>
<p>I've posted about my niece before. She went to a top LAC and graduated with about $110k in debt. She is now working at a small, local company in suburbia and making very little money with no future. She is considering grad school. Maybe. Her boyfriend graduated from the same LAC with no debt. He got large scholarships and worked his butt off to pay what his parents didn't. He's a serious go-getter with a great job and stellar work ethic. My niece is a princess who shops and tans. She is totally open about the fact that she's expecting him to buy a ring and give her a good life that doesn't involve her working too hard, if at all. If I were his parents, I would be concerned and I would voice my concerns.</p>
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I guess that there are some Scott Peterson fans here.
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<p>Is that in reference to something I said?</p>
<p>My mom's first husband was a drunk alcoholic abusive man. She was not like that when they dated. When she became pregnant at a young age and forced to marry him his true colors showed through. I can not tell you the horror stories my family has told me about what he did to her and my siblings.</p>
<p>My mom met my dad when he was in the military. She thought he was a nice caring guy but after marriage saw he had a screw loose and they divorced when I was 8. </p>
<p>Her husband now is a great guy. He raised me and my sister as if we were his own kids. My mom has had a great life since she met my step dad. I would rather her divorce an abusive man then wind up dead because she said with him.</p>
<p>Back to the OP's original- If I thought that my child's intended was a gold digging prince or princess, looking only for someone to pay off their debt, of course I would say something. It would have to be carefully said, however, to try to help my child think the situation through and not run right into their arms on the wings of "love".</p>
<p>I think that crushing debt would be a concern- but my counsel would depend on reason.
If their sig other, was like some of these kids on CC, who think that a brand name is worth signing up for debt of six figures because they will be so sought after when they graduate, I would advise them against it, because that would indicate lack of common sense.
But if things happened, like their merit aid being pulled halfway through, despite attempts to replace it, I would take that into consideration.</p>
<p>My husband had no college debt, I had about $7500 when we married in 1980. He never expressed any concern about it, nor did his parents. We used the full 10 years to pay it off in the 1980s (our of our shared checking account) because my student loan interest rate was so low, while interest rates on other types of loans were very high.</p>
<p>With regard to our children, I hope they marry individuals with sterling character who love them profusely and make them happy. Debt would not be an issue I would raise with my child, especially if I, like my child, think his/her intended is a terrific person.</p>
<p>I could have sworn I responded already but I don't see my post...so here goes. How would I feel if one of my kids married some with college loans? WELL...that would depend on the current events. If the person with the loans had a good job, was paying back the loans, was careful about amassing consumer debt, worked financially within a budget, and was generally sensible regarding money, I would have no problem. BUT if the person was unemployed or underemployed, continued to amass lots of consumer debt possibly beyond their income means, and generally disregarded the need for working within a budget, I would have a problem and I would likely speak up.</p>
<p>Barring physical or emotional abuse, I will say nothing about the man my son wants to make a life with. If he asks my opinion I will do what I do now, which is first to ask what he thinks to see if he can talk it out to his own satisfaction. If he still is seeking counsel after that, I'll share my opinion. </p>
<p>I hope that I am raising a kid with some common sense and one who will carefully consider the consequences of his actions, including marriage. I stress that relationships are more than how we feel, they are how we live together with the day to day realities of being productive citizens. My time frame to do that is while we are raising him. </p>
<p>If as an adult he wants to marry/be partners with someone with 100K in debt, whose been divorced X number of times or whatever the case may be, it's not my business.</p>
<p>Garland - it's not hard to figure out how long/much it would take to pay back 200,000 loan - ~2500/mon for 10 years at 7-8%. There are not that many jobs out there that would pay a college graduate enough money to afford that. If you stick your kid with loans you know he/she has no ability to pay back, then you are expecting someone else to bail you out, may it be the government (default) or another individual.</p>
<p>I do agree the time to discuss all of these issues is while we are still raising our kids. By the time they are adults, it would be up to them to weigh all the pros and cons. Another reason not to get married too early.</p>
<p>Would not be my business. </p>
<p>There are so many 'it depends' here and I think its silly to impute some kind of master plan, poor character, or ill motive from having debt. A huge debt might reflect irresponsibility and something that matters, or it could reflect something very admirable (e.g. someone from an impoverished background for whom this was the only way through their dream to be a cardiologist). </p>
<p>But much more importantly, I would hope I raised my child to choose a partner who has good character, good judgement, is a good person, is a loving person above all else. I would feel most concerned if my child walked away from an amazing human being, his or her soulmate, someone who really gave them the love they deserved because of predicted finances (be it debt or future earning potential).</p>
<p>Blossom, as usual, you said what I think, but better.</p>
<p>Overall, I think this is a character issue, not a money issue. Zoos' niece, as described here by her (forive me, Z) sounds like a poor choice, loans or not. Princesses usually are; princes too.</p>
<p>A person with 200K debt isn't by definition looking for someone to bail them out, I still maintain, Oldfort. And agreeing to share that debt would be, I think, predicated on that person's character, not the number.</p>
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A person with 200K debt isn't by definition looking for someone to bail them out
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<p>I can agree with that in some cases. I also think that in some cases the student's parents were looking for someone to bail them out, whether that was their own child, the child's new spouse, etc., just so they did not have to pay their efc. When I say that I am talking about UG education. Medical school is another story, and I am not discussing debt from medical school. Also, the student did not need to choose the school that would run up that type of debt. State schools are available.</p>
<p>"State schools are available."</p>
<p>Unless they are not available. The only acceptance may have been from a more expensive school.</p>
<p>^^One could have applied to the safety public U. as well as the flagship or match/reach public U. There are always gap year options, community colleges, and schools with later admission deadlines than average.</p>
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Overall, I think this is a character issue, not a money issue. Zoos' niece, as described here by her (forive me, Z) sounds like a poor choice, loans or not. Princesses usually are; princes too.
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Very poor choice. The young man is an absolute peach. I hope someone gently urges him to think about these things.</p>
<p>zoosermom, some men are attracted to women who spend, women who have complications, and they want to take care of another person. Some women are this way too. Who knows what makes him tick, and what makes the relationship work, but she is probably meeting some of his criteria too, or he would not be there. LOL, his criteria could even be to be subjected to financial hardship!</p>
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Who knows what makes him tick, and what makes the relationship work, but she is probably meeting some of his criteria too, or he would not be there.
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She's jaw-droppingly sexy.</p>