<p>Zmom, well there is all or part of the answer. I knew there was something in it for him too!</p>
<p>Oh yes, she's excellent arm candy. Very bright, too. Just lazy and spoiled. Which could be a great trade-off for him if he is aware of the fact that she's terrible about money and keeps an eye on things. If he ignores the financial end of their life, they could be in for big trouble.</p>
<p>But if he takes care of it or hires someone to do it, they may be very happy.</p>
<p>I'm not defending the idea of carrying huge debt and having a "plan" to pay it off of getting married. But money is one part of life. And if he doesn't a problem with the money aspect of their reltionship (& it seems he does not), I pity the well meaning relative who attempts to gently point out this young woman's flaws. </p>
<p>Who knows why people click? Some marriages I thougt would never last and still going several decades later and marriages I thought were sure bets fell part rather quickly. </p>
<p>Unless they are putting themselves or others in danger, adults should be left alone to make their own choices, even if someday they view it as a mistake. That's life, you learn best by doing.</p>
<p>I don't think they shouldn't marry. I just think every couple should be cognizant of the baggage each brings to the marriage and adjust accordingly.</p>
<p>Absolutely. </p>
<p>It's amazing to me how many people marry without discussing money or even if they are going to have children. I got married very young (19, my spouse was 22) but we hit the big topics as well as we could before we married. I'm too much of a control freak to wait and see. No wonder this college application process is giving me grey hair!</p>
<p>I'd tell my daughters to watch out for gold diggers, other than that, I'm not telling them who they can and cannot marry. Marriage is their total responsibility not mine including picking and choosing the right spouse.</p>
<p>"I've brought up my kids to believe that investing in their own human capital is the only investment which pays off in the long run- bear market, bull market, high interest rates, deflation, war, peace, you name it."</p>
<p>One does not have to get that investment advice from Swarthmore or CalTech.</p>
<p>Pugmadkate, hubby and I were married when he was 21 and I had just turned 20. We both discussed money then and always. One of the few things I will pat us on the back about is that we've always been able to communicate about money and to set financial goals and work toward them together. I would never tell my kids who they should marry, but I talk to them often about what I think is important in marriage. It's up to them to set their own priorities and set their own paths, but I think it's only positive to share with them our experience.</p>
<p>Deal breaker. It's the same as marrying another young someone who has years of child support obligations to pay. (And don't tell me that's any different.) Money out is just that, money out. It's something to be seriously taken into account.</p>
<p>I don't think money should be the guiding factor in decisions of the heart. I don't want to live my life in a way that money becomes what I think of first and foremost in my evaluation of individuals. I know it's not realistic to totally ignore money issues, but IMO other factors are more important when making decisions about marriage. To me, a potential son-in-law's character, personality, moral convictions, etc. are much more significant than whether he has student loans. D1 is 26 and her fiance is 27. They're getting married this spring. She has no college debt; he has loans in the neighborhood of $18K. They're both employed and together make $105K. They don't have any debt other than his college loan payment and a mortgage payment for their condo. (We financed it and they're paying us back at a 1% interest rate--we plan to put the money into a college fund for future grandchildren.) Certainly D1 has taken on her future spouse's financial obligations, but she knew that and didn't see it as a deal breaker. H and I have no problem with her decision (we trust her judgment) and we like the future son-in-law very much.</p>
<p>Would you feel the same if it was $180k instead of $18k? and if he had a job that paid $30k/yr?</p>
<p>I think this will happen more & more frequently as so many kids are taking on significant debt of 6 figures. I know kids who recently graduated from law & other grad schools debt-free (thanks to generous parents). Whether they married sweethearts who had mega-debt (>$100,000) has been a significant consideration.</p>
<p>I think this will happen more & more frequently as so many kids are taking on significant debt of 6 figures. I know kids who recently graduated from law & other grad schools debt-free (thanks to generous parents). Whether they married sweethearts who had mega-debt (>$100,000) has been a significant consideration.</p>
<p>Marrying someone with a lot of financial obligations whether from expensive car loan, expensive schooling debt, expensive medical debt, child support debt, or other is definitely something that should be carefully considered & weighed in deciding what make sense for the individual & couple.</p>
<p>Personally, I feel a six-figure debt is crushing and overwhelming for folks in their 20s, though I am aware many have that.</p>
<p>simba said:</p>
<p>
[quote]
Would you feel the same if it was $180k instead of $18k? and if he had a job that paid $30k/yr?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Why do you purposely say "he"? Could it be that it will cause a distinction and thereby the answer you want?</p>
<p>Have eligible son. Looking for opposite. Debt and Cooking ability considered. Trial period a must :) Reply by PM.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Have eligible son. Looking for opposite.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Ineligible son?</p>
<p>Jk.</p>
<p>I think people are 'package deals' and we all have our weak spots, but few things should be "deal breakers" becuase you aren't just considering the weak spot but the WHOLE PACKAGE. Okay, so individuals can choose that for them a given issue is a deal breaker (remember Seinfeld- if her thumbs were too big, the bets were off). But we can't with our children.</p>
<p>My friend is recently engaged to a paraplegic. Some might say "oh I wouldn't want my daughter to have to look after someone in a wheel chair!" But then what if I tell you he's also a very successful and admired palliative care physican? And a really really wonderful guy? </p>
<p>I know someone else who entered into a very complex blended family of an older gent. Talk about child support debt and weird family dynamics. They are still now, after 20 years, like newleyweds, one of those marriages we all seek to have. </p>
<p>I married a guy who had at the time we met, had at the time dropped out of college and was working as a waiter. Fortunately my parents didn't care that he didn't look 'promising'. He now has multiple degrees and earns 200k a year. Same husband supported me through my graduate school years which maybe I could not have done if not for him.</p>
<p>We can all think of similar stories, can't we? And likewise, opposite stories: the perfect spouse and partner who turned out to be a disaster.</p>
<p>I think that there are far more stories of love not working out than working out.</p>
<p>It takes a lot of character, hard work, effort and luck (or pure dishonesty in rare cases) and there are far more that take the path of less effort. Then there are always arranged marriages.</p>
<p>I have not read the entire thread so I'm not sure this has been brought up, but I don't see a huge difference between a family willing to pay $200K cash for college (out of savings, inheritance, whatever) and a student willing to finance it from debt. I am assuming here that the scenario being discussed is two people who attend the same college, one of whom has the debt and the other of whom is paying out of pocket. If you think the education provided by that specific college is worth $200K, you pay it with the money you have, or with the money you will repay later. It may no longer be fashionable or P.C. to say it but financing is still "the American way" and there is nothing inherently wrong with it.</p>
<p>"simba said:</p>
<p>Quote:
Would you feel the same if it was $180k instead of $18k? and if he had a job that paid $30k/yr?
Why do you purposely say "he"?"</p>
<p>Because my dear Toblin, Bromfield was talking about his son-in-law. Don't try to look for things that aren't there and you will be happy.</p>