How's my essay?

<p>Just wanted to hear an opinion on if it'll help me or hurt me when they're reviewing my app...obviously I've already submitted it but I was just curious, since there's nothing I can do now but wait!</p>

<p>Just Dive In
Robyn, our South African divemaster, had an interesting way of getting us motivated. “Pull yourselves towards yourselves and head to the cockpit for a dive briefing!” she called to all of us frantically setting up SCUBA gear at the bow of Ismene, the catamaran we had called home for the last ten days. We gathered around as she explained the key points of our second dive of the day, over the sounds of the zippers of still-damp wetsuits. We listened with nervous anticipation as she listed off some of the marine life that had been spotted at this dive site before, everyone’s ears perking up at mentions of sharks and sea turtles being literally “this close.” My dive buddy, Shoshana, squeezed my hand as Robyn went through the more crucial parts of the briefing, telling us how we needed to take this seriously, and we couldn’t forget that this wasn’t just any other dive. This was THE Charlie Brown, a wreck famous in the SCUBA community that was right at the top of many divers’ bucket lists.
“Alright, is everyone comfortable penetrating the wreck?” Everyone nodded eagerly, as penetrating the tiny wrecks we’d experienced before had been forbidden. We all raced to throw our tanks on, doing buddy checks of each other’s equipment as quickly as we could, finally taking that giant stride into the water off the stern. As we descended the mooring line hand-in-hand with our buddies, the wreck came into view. I had to remind myself to breathe as I took it all in. It was massive and overwhelmed by coral, and fish were swimming all around us. A sea turtle swam just a few feet above us. We attracted the attention of a black-tip reef shark that was too close for some of the group’s comfort. Everyone was smiling through their regulators, nudging their dive buddies frantically to try to point out more and more.
As we entered a dim hallway of the wreck, I realized how crazy this was. How I, a shy girl who always played it safe, ended up penetrating a wreck in the Caribbean with a boat full of people who I already loved like family after only ten days. How a month ago I would have never even imagined this happening. I’d snagged the last spot on the program less than three weeks before it began and never looked back. Had I not taken that leap of faith and done something so spontaneous—something so against my usual routine—I would have never gotten to discover my new passion of SCUBA diving or made such amazing friends. While I can say that the program taught me how to breathe through a regulator and set up an oxygen tank, the best thing I learned was that I am capable of going out of my comfort zone, and without stepping foot outside it every once in a while, I could miss a whole world of amazing experiences. My new mantra? Just dive in.</p>

<p>i think its a really cool topic and it is well written, i just think there is too much description about the actual dive and not enough about you. I think the intro could be a bit stronger, so that it pulls the admissions officer in from the very start, but i really liked the ending i thought that was catchy. overall good job, and from the looks of your stats on your other post im pretty sure youre in anyway</p>

<p>This is actually my second revision, and isnt exactly like the one I submitted. The one I submitted had a little better hook at the beginning, and one of my editors didn’t like it but I changed it back to how I’d had it, haha. Thanks!</p>

<p>You’re essay reminds me of my daughter’s submission. Her life was also changed by a Broadreach trip over the summer before her senior year. She has a passion for diving as well and since being accepted into UM’s RSMAS last fall has joined 3 clubs related to SCUBA and was able to enjoy 4 or 5 weekend dives in the first semester.<br>
~Zinc</p>