HS valedictorian, had a mental breakdown, haven’t been to college yet, seeking advice

Parent Cafe
21

Just one other thing, and this is true of bipolar and also depression. Have you heard of kindling?

With epilepsy, for instance, you start having more seizures and more intense seizures over time without treatment. Kindling refers to the brain basically becoming more sensitive as each seizure makes it more vulnerable to more.

Psychiatrists will say this is true of certain mental health issues.

The flip side is that the appropriate medications can heal the brain, its pathways or whatever, and not only prevent kindling but, as I said, heal some of what has already happened.

So you really want to get treatment if you can, preferably from a psychiatrist though seeing a therapist first is often done.

I understood you to mean a state university near you. I think that is fantastic that you have access. Maybe see if you can take a course or two there as an unmatriculated student. Start slow. Taking a class or two and working a part-time job is good way to go or do only the classes, if you can work with someone on your health and meds.

Give yourself time! There is no rush. You are articulate and I think things will turn out okay for you even if the road ahead seems hard.

22

Let’s walk this back a little bit.

OP - I know it’s very tempting to try to self-diagnose and figure yourself out, particularly since your brother has bipolar disorder and it’s easy to compare. But please don’t. Only a trained mental health professional can do that for you.

Also, you don’t necessarily need to go to a psychiatrist; psychiatric-mental health nurse practitioners also prescribe medicine, and psychologists, licensed clinical social workers and mental health counselors are trained and licensed medical professionals who can make sure you get the right care (including referring you to a psychiatrist if you need one). Your main concern is seeing SOME actual mental health professional who can help you figure out what you need.

There are community mental health clinics that often offer medical help in a sliding scale or free of cost. If there’s a Planned Parenthood in your local area, PP offers general medical services usually on a sliding scale. They are sure to have referrals to mental health clinics or places in your local area where you can get low-cost care. Most large urban areas also have some mental health community clinics or regular free clinics that may provide mental health care. You can try to do a search for “community mental health clinic” plus your city or ZIP code to see if you have a clinic nearby you.

Many social services offices and nonprofits also have referrals for low-cost care, too. For example, if you live in an urban area, the National Urban League office in your local area would have some referrals and information for how to get health care. Your old high school may also have some referrals or ways to connect you as well.

College, frankly, can wait - your first responsibility is getting yourself stabilized and healthy. A therapist/counselor/professional can help you figure out when you’re ready for it and how to prepare. Many colleges take spring admits, too, so there’s always the possibility of starting in the spring.

23

@compmom I’ve never heard the specific term, but I’ve heard the general concept discussed before in the context of bipolar disorder. I’m glad you brought it to my attention - it really lights a fire under me.

In the last few hours, I’ve contacted my brother. He’s recommended a therapist and psychiatrist who collaborate with each other. I think they’ll be good; one is a PhD, and the other is an MD PhD - with the added benefit that they already understand my home situation as they’ve treated my brother for quite some time. I’ll see if my insurance is compatible tomorrow morning.

As for school, as another poster mentioned, I don’t want to take a few classes now and make myself ineligible for freshman scholarships in the next academic year. It could be possible that the university would be willing to work with me on this. I’ll try to contact them in the morning.

Thanks for the encouragement :slight_smile:

24

@juillet First, thank you for your response.

I’m not suggesting bipolar as definitive (or even highly likely), but I thought it would be useful to mention because even if it’s not what I have, I do experience a fluctuation between an excited, productive, hypomanic state and a very depressed state - of which bipolar disorder is characterstic. Despite absence of an actual diagnosis, I thought that information might be useful to inform posters of the reality of my situation.

As far as actual diagnosis - you are absolutely correct. A mental health professional needs to be the one assessing criteria - not me.

As I mentioned to @compmom (you and I must have been typing at the same time…), I have now made plans to get in touch with mental health professionals.

25

In my experience, you can still get financial aid entering a state university at any point, not just freshman, so as I understand it the full ride scholarship is what is not available to non-freshmen. Is your EFC (estimated family contribution) is low. The other thing is, you can certainly take a class or two without losing freshman status. Check with the school(s). Does your state flagship have continuing ed or allow non-matriculated students to register?

Great that you are contacting a psychologist/therapist/MD.

Work can provide structure that can help healing (and money!).

26

It sounds as though you’re getting a handle on this-- great.

Know that the strength of your college application is NOT what I was going for. College will always be there. What matters, first and foremost, is your mental health. I was asking in the hopes that you weren’t sitting around all day dong nothing. I’m happy to read about your part time job.

Your OP reminded me a LOT of one of the kids I taught a few years ago. As luck would have it, I taught him 3 times; grades 8, 9, and 10. And I could have sworn that he had it all: good looking kid, popular, really really bright, came from a family with money-- you name it. The world was his oyster.

Then, the summer between Jr and Sr year, he had some serious emotional issues. He missed most of Sr year because of hospitalization. Last I heard, he was attending CC part time, trying to put the pieces together.

Here’s the thing: what matters, first and foremost, is your mental health. Take some time today to track down a professional who can help you. Don’t self diagnose, don’t internet-diagnose. Leave this one to the pros.

In 2008, I woke one day to find a large lump in my breast. After a few days of denial, I went to the doctor and we dealt with it. Mastectomy, radiation, reconstruction-- it was a rough time. But I knew I had a medical problem, I knew it could endanger my life, so I bit the bullet and went to the doctor.

You have a different version of the same thing. You have a problem that could endanger, at the very least, your quality of life. You deserve to be happy. Start today to find the medical professionals who can get you to that goal.

Again, college will always be there.

27

My opinion…you need to see a mental health professional…and get this sorted out. This isn’t something that can be dealt with on a college message board…or any other message board, for that matter.

@MaineLonghorn does NAMI provide any resources to young people like this…who might not have insurance that will cover seeking help?

To @modnar a couple of questions. And I apologize if these have already been answered.

  1. Do you HAVE health insurance? If so, this would at least get you to the primary care physician to express your concerns. That PCP might be able to refer you to an affordable option.
  2. What exactlynhafe you been doing since you graduated from HS?
  3. Any chance you could,take one or two classes at a time? For some students, this is a good option.

I’m going to say…your mental,health should,be your top priority, college can wait.

28

The OP’s state chapter of NAMI would be a good resource (just google “NAMI state name” and a help line number should pop up). Each state is different, but our state’s chapter has been very helpful.

29

Respectfully, I would somewhat disagree with a slight aspect of what @thumper1 wrote “This isn’t something that can be dealt with on a college message board…or any other message board, for that matter.” It is a slight, but important-enough-to-reply thing, maybe just a nuance of wording or in how I read it. I guess that’s enough qualifying words by now.

While that is “true” I think there are two stages, aspects, components to seeking help. One component is visiting with a therapist and then continuing on from there, for example. But the other component feeling like going to visit the therapist. I feel like the connections made by modnar as a result of starting this thread are so awesome, that is was well worthwhile.

That is, stage1 (I make up terms here) - feeling like doing something about something is the most important stage, and just because stage1 looks like it is moving on to stage2, it is possible to fall back, so I would want modnar to come back and revive the conversation if that happened.

30

yes, go to the State school you were accepted to. It’s a perfectly fine option. Life is about making good on opportunities that come your way. Take advantage of this great opportunity and start setting some goals for yourself and think about what you want to accomplish.

31

@thumper1 I agree with most of what you said. Other posters have also urged me to recognize the utility of treatment. I finally have.

That being said, I also agree with with @GoForth’s assessment. I didn’t even know who to talk to or where to start until I came here and asked. I had no expectation that posting to a college forum would solve all of my problems. I was just seeking out advice as I don’t really have a ‘support network’ of individuals in person. The good people of this forum have provided what I was looking for many times over. I am without words to sufficiently thank them (this includes you).

  1. I discovered that I am still under my parents’ insurance and have now contacted a therapist/psychologist duo who treat my brother; I am now in the process of scheduling an initial assessment. Luckily, I get a few free visits under my parents’ insurance - certainly enough to get me on a suitable treatment (and life) path. It is going to be nowhere near as costly as I had assumed even if treatment is extended. I just didn’t know who to talk to.

  2. I’ve been working part time (mobile, from my laptop), reading a lot of books, and trying to stay sane. That’s about it.

  3. I’m asking the university about this. If I can do it without sacrificing freshman status and thus a full-ride scholarship next year, I may consider it.

I’d like to thank you and @MaineLonghorn for informing me of NAMI as well. I’ve found a local chapter that offers some free services in cooperation with the local health department. That may prove to be a very useful resource.

32

@compmom I’ve contacted the university and will see if there’s any possibility of taking classes without sacrificing freshman status. We’ll see where that goes! Parental contribution for school will be zero; I really need the scholarship.

You’re right about structure… Words of Viktor Frankl come to mind: “The existential vacuum manifests itself mainly in a state of boredom.”

Thank you for the advice you’ve provided. It has been tremendously helpful thus far.

33

@bjkmom Wow. I appreciate you sharing those stories - good food for thought. I’ve gotten in touch with a therapist/psychologist duo and am in the process of scheduling an assessment. I’m doing this because of the excellent advice from posters like you. Thank you.

34

@modnar, it is tremendously heartening to hear that you have gotten so much information and momentum in this short time.

I would like to second @MaineLonghorn’s suggestion about NAMI. We completed their free and tremendously informative Family to Family workshop, which is a great source of information and support for any family member, regardless of their level of knowledge about mental illness. NAMI also offers Peer to Peer groups. They do such good work throughout the country and are an amazing, free resource.

I think you have already realized on your own how much proper rest, diet, exercise, and structure help with stability - you are way ahead of many people on that front.

I want to offer my opinion (and it seems that you are already on this path, but just in case there is a glitch) that seeing a psychiatrist, who can prescribe medication, is extremely important. I believe, with your family history and awareness of the signs of bipolar disorder, the “diagnosis” is close to a foregone conclusion once you actually have an appointment with a treating professional. Because there is no objective test that can be administered for bipolar disorder, the diagnosis will be made based on the information you provide. If you are going to go that route, the sooner you can get going on it, the better. Obviously, this is just my personal opinion.

Last, contrary to a comment that message boards are not the place to access help for mental health support, I will say that the single most helpful thing for some of my family members dealing with mental illness has been a moderated support board. This resource was more substantive than years of reading all books and articles we could find, individual therapy sessions (CBT), support groups, and psychiatry sessions - all of those things played significant roles, but the level of specificity and lack of time limits on the message boards helped so much. A qualified and involved moderator is key.

You are not alone.

35

How about we all help you establish a list for Fall 2018? Many parents here are college app readers (sometimes professionally).
Obviously you’d include the college state college and, if it’s not your state flagship, the State flagship - but we could help you “package yourself”, find good matches and appropriate reaches, etc. Sometimes school CAN be an escape from a situation. (I’m thinking of Fire shut up in my Bones, The End of Eddy _ , and _Hillbilly Elegy for instance, as well as countless stories from the American Dream narrative.)
Obviously you do need to get help for your mental health as it’d all be for naught if you were not in a condition to accept a college offer.

36

By estimated family contribution I was referring to the EFC, the amount colleges calculate a family can contribute. If you go to any college website there will be an NPC, or net price calculator, that will give you the EFC, as will a FAFSA application for aid.

To make it clear, an EFC of zero would mean a full ride. An EFC of $20k for a college that costs $60k would mean the family would pay $40k. Just want to clarify.

Some young people I know delay college until age 24 because then financial aid is based on the student’s income, not the parents’.

I highly recommend starting slow with classes, just one or maybe two, especially if you are starting meds. There is no hurry.

I personally think NAMI is a bit down the road. Get professional help first. I highly recommend, believe it or not, “Bipolar for Dummies.” Or anything by Kay Redfield Jamison.

37

@MYOS1634 Wow. I don’t even know what to say - just… thank you. I am now in contact with a mental health professional and am quite optimistic about that route.

I am still very interested in trying for a multitude of schools. Even though I’ve spent the last year without doing anything terribly meritorious, do you think I could still whip together a ‘profile’ that schools would seriously consider? Some may decry this as counterproductive to my mental progress, but I’d love to focus on admissions again - something to add a little more purpose to my time. Admittedly, my application strategy was not very well-formulated the first time around; I’d love to give it another go (with more realistic goals perhaps). Where do I start?

38

@compmom Oh, right. I’m no longer familiar with the terminology. EFC was high enough that I didn’t receive any aid offers beyond (unsubsidized) loans. I’ve heard of people waiting for age 24 or seeking emancipation for aid purposes.

As for the book recommendation, thanks. I’ll look into it, but first I want to see a professional and hear their assessment. You certainly seem to be well-informed in the mental-health sphere. I appreciate your advice.

39

@pickledginger I will certainly consider NAMI as an option. I totally agree with you on the point about rest, diet, exercise, and structure. I’ve noticed that to the extent I can control those things, I’m far better off symptomatically. Unfortunately, I’ve had a hard time doing that consistently. Hopefully professional involvement (and perhaps medication) will help. We’ll see!

I also agree with you on the utility of boards like this and talking to others. I wouldn’t be on the path to getting better, with an appointment scheduled and all without the people here. Wonderful!

40

Taking a gap year (or two) for medical reasons + working is fine.
Since your parents likeky make 200k+ but won’t pay anything, your list needs to include major merit aid.
If you don’t take any class, you can apply as a freshman - dull tuition and full ride scholarships go to freshmen so your scores and status are precious. Taking even one class may jeopardize your status so check carefully.
Whatever you do should make you feel good about yourself. So, if retaking the act, or taking the SAT, would provide you with a boost, do so. If not, your score is excellent (top 1%) and would make you competitive for quite a few colleges or programs. Obviously they may not lead to “more prestigious” universities but would take you out of a home situation that sounds suboptimal at best and contributing to your problems at worst.
Look into McDermott at UTD or Cincinatus at UCincinnati, for instance (the latter especially if you’re interested in co-ops).
Were you NMF?
Would you be first gen (neither parent got a 4-year degree)?
Do you live in a rural area? A sparsely populated state?