I absolutely hate college

Student Lounge College Life
1

Here’s the thing: I don’t hate learning. I like my major and all that, I don’t even hate the environment I’m in. My dorm could be nicer, but I like the people I’ve met and the campus is lovely, but I can’t be truly happy. At all.

I’m struggling so much in this new environment. My anxiety is getting the best of me constantly. I’m trying so hard to force myself to stay on campus as much as I can because it’s good for my social life, or whatever, but all I want to do every day is go home. I miss my family so much and phone calls are not cutting it. I want to be able to watch television with my parents and yell at my brother for skyping people at 3am and even just hug my parents every night before I go to bed. Not having the parental affection is killing me.

Family is absolutely everything to me. My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease when I was nine and moved in with us. From then until she died when I was sixteen my family kind of isolated ourselves from the world because people didn’t understand our situation and we were all so anxious and clinically depressed it was easier to just stay in the house and not do anything. Plus, I was bullied a lot as a child and didn’t really have friends until high school, so my family was basically my only support until I was nearly fifteen when I met my best friend, who is now going to a different college and hates college even more than I do.

When I’m at college I really miss home, but when I’m at home I don’t miss college. My parents understand me and are hilarious. When I talked to them they said I could come home whenever I liked because it’s my home too and I can come and go as I please. I don’t want to end up living at home with my parents at 30, but I don’t feel like I’m ready to move away. I wish I was still in high school because I don’t feel ready to go to college, but I’m not ready for a job. I need a degree because I want to go into biology (or maybe become a high school English teacher).

I went home for Labor Day and I went home for my brother’s birthday, so I thought I could last again until this next weekend, but I had a horrible crippling anxiety attack (with hyperventilation and sobbing, the whole thing) on Thursday night, so I went home this past weekend (which turned out to be good because my car was completely out of oil and it didn’t tell me). My calculus class is killing me and all I want to do is go home after every day and unwind, but I can’t. Living on campus is so hard because I can’t get away ever and I’m literally living at school. I feel like the school environment and work follow me every where.

Both my parents and my aunts and uncles lived at home for college and my cousin went home every weekend (living 3 hours away), and I’m the next one down, so no one can really help me out. I don’t want to miss out on hanging out with people from college, but I’d really give it all up to be home with my family and my high school friends. I live only an hour away (45 minutes if there’s no traffic and I feel like pushing the limit a bit), but that is not something I want to commute every day.

I’m not a party person at all and I go to a party school and suitcase college, so I’m not missing much and pretty much watch Netflix at my friend’s dorm or do homework on the weekends I stay because everyone’s pretty much either drunk, hungover, or home. College is just too much for me to handle and the only reason I haven’t dropped out yet is because I’m so freaking stubborn and I refuse to dropout. I’ve made the choice and I’m stuck with it until I get my bachelor’s degree.

I cry almost every day and I can feel my depression returning and my anxiety spikes at the littlest of things, I just hate it so much being away from home. I’ve joined a church group and I’m joining the biology club, but nothing distracts me from everything.

Sorry this was so long. Any advice on how to deal with the homesickness and your opinions on going home every weekend when you have crippling anxiety?

2

You need to go to the student counseling office ASAP. Call right now. Make an appointment. They are highly trained in helping students through situations like this. You are not alone. It might not seem like it, but many, many students are feeling similarly. Go. Call the counseling office.

3

^^This.

4

I feel like if you aren’t far, and you want to go home, go home. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing–that is a silly mentality. I wanted my kids to come home every Sunday for Sunday dinner or something. They don’t, and my plan didn’t really work out, but we all have to be flexible. Sometimes they come home several weeks in a row, sometimes not for several weeks. It depends on what is going on. If I miss someone I will drive there and have a short visit with him or her, maybe taking him/her to dinner or to the grocery store to restock or whatever. We have almost no anxiety. You’re only an hour away–why suffer when you can have the best of both worlds. Go out with your friends on Fri or Sat night, and see your family on Sun (or whatever schedule works for you). My own kids came home a lot at first and now don’t come home that much–like I said, flexibility and respect for how you are feeling are key. There are no awards for the kid who never went home. Figure out how you can get home by public transportation, and then use it.

5

I called the counseling center, but I can’t make any of their appointments today so I’m going to go tomorrow.

6

I suggest you get a job at school. Is there a restaurant nearby? It will really help you to change your environment.

Also, please get counseling at school. They are EXPERTs in this. Use them.

7

My father said something very similar to redpoodles and told me that it’s okay, I won’t want to come back constantly forever, but I don’t want to be viewed as child-ish. I’m afraid to grow up and make my way in the world, and college is just a reminder. It’s nice to go home and be able to forget I’m an adult for a while. I’m going to spend the day Sunday with my family this weekend, but spend Friday and Saturday on campus.

8

That sounds like a great plan @SoMuchAnxiety. It is nice you are close enough to home to spend Sunday with your family and stay on campus Friday/Saturday. Still pursue the campus counseling center. Good luck!

9

Great! Tomorrow is fine. Hopefully you feel even a little better just for making the appointment. You are doing the right thing to try to address it.

10

I’m really happy you will be going to the counseling center tomorrow. My daughter has fairly severe anxiety, and she has found the student counseling center to be really helpful. I will be thinking of you! Let us know how it goes.

11

I am also in the camp of saying it is ok to go home to see your parents on Sun. It is usually a quiet day on campus when most students study anyway. Over time, you may go home less because you are busier on campus. I don’t think it needs to be a hard break, all or nothing. If it makes you feel better to see your parents once a week for a day or few hours, why not.

12

As someone who has depression and anxiety, I just want to say that you are doing so well for the situation you are in. It can be so hard trying to adapt to a new environment. Like everyone suggested, seeing a counselor is a great start to helping you succeed in college. It is not uncommon for people to go home every weekend. Whether it is to get away from the college atmosphere, sleeping in their own bed, or getting a home cooked meal there is nothing like home. Take your time adjusting. You don’t have force yourself to stay but maybe try staying one night each weekend but build up to it and honestly don’t feel bad about going home. It’s not a big deal and no one expects you to become an adult and leave your family behind overnight. In fact, I tend to go home most weekends unless there is an event I want to stay for. My roomie does the same thing and it just helps us. Best of luck to you!

13

Just like all the freshman who post here because they are struggling to make friends, it sounds like you are trying to force yourself to feel a certain way and it just isn’t happening. You feel what you feel, there is no right or wrong way to go through this transition to adulthood, just your way. I think @redpoodles gives great advice. to approach the problem flexibly and based on your needs and feelings at the time. None of these situations are black and white.

14

I had a horrible meltdown last night and was able to get a counseling appointment this morning. After a horrible morning, I went for the initial consultation and I’m feeling a bit better about everything. I have an appointment next Tuesday and I can figure out what to do. I still want to go home, but I’m hoping they can help me manage.

15

Same I absolutely hate college. Mine is more mental problems though as I’ve always hated life but as I get older, the more I want life to end in general.

16

@TehTexasRanger, I believe you have previously posted about your anxiety and depression. Please please get to a counseling service immediately.

17

Yeah I have. It’s on and off with me though. I’m just trying to relate with OP though.

18

I’m almost in the exact same boat as you, although I have to ask what year are you in since I’m a sophomore. Also, while my parents are sympathetic towards me, they’re not quite as understanding as yours are, so consider yourself lucky.

19

Update: life is getting better. I went to the counseling center and I have sessions to talk about my anxiety. My homesickness is going away and I’m forcing myself to be social. My roommate and I slept over at the girls’ across the hall and it was fun. I’m slowly adapting, but still terrified for the future. Thanks to everyone for their advice.

20

Thanks for the update. Hang in there. Life is a marathon for most of us, not a sprint.