Hi everyone. Thanks for reading.
So, my issue isn't that I dislike the school where I am. In fact, I think it's a great place-- I'm just not happy here. I miss my home, and I miss my friends + family; I miss my dogs and my neighborhood and my old teachers and so many other things. I know that I need to move on, and I WANT to move on, but I persistently feel bad. I tend to place a lot of value on close relationships with peers, and I don't have any here. Yes, I am trying to make friends. I am literally doing everything I possibly can to make friends without being weird, but it is just exhausting.
The friends that I have made (just other girls on my hall), I don’t feel true connections with. They’re just people that I go to eat and do stuff with so that I don’t have to be alone. There is maybe one girl that I know out of everyone here who I feel like I could actually call my “friend” and sort of mean it. I am not trying to say that any of them are bad people. This state of affairs tends to make me feel like I’m a failure because I had incredible friends at home, but just can’t seem to find the same relationships here.
I am just so miserable and can't snap out of it...it's all I can do to finish my work on time and not cry everyday at this point. My counselor started me on antidepressants, which are taking the edge off, but it still sucks. My counselor is also "in the process" of assembling a support group for me and the people she keeps saying are struggling like me. Hopefully that will help...it would be nice to have some people to really talk to who understand. Or even to meet others who also have been having trouble forming close relationships because I feel a lot of pressure to break into all these friend groups that somehow magically assembled themselves around me (in other words, knowing that a person didn't have tons of friends either or also feels lonely would be much less intimidating).
In the meantime, I don't know what to do. Everyone says that things will even out over time, but I have been here for half a semester and HATE FEELING LIKE THIS. I know that I need to make it through school, and I want to thrive here, but actually doing so is very difficult. The worst part is that this isn't temporary; there's no "camp's over, and now it's time to go home". I hate this so much and don't know where to turn. Has anyone been through something similar and how did you cope?
A mom here, sending big cyber hugs. It sounds like you are taking the right steps, meeting with a counselor, getting out with people in your hall. It IS a big adjustment, and perhaps it will help to remind yourself that all those strong connections back home, they didn’t happen over night or even over a few months. They were built through shared experience, good and bad, all those ups and downs of high school. That won’t be recreated in a few short months at college. But give it time. As a freshman in high school, some of the people you felt closest to in senior year may have been people you sat with at lunch, or just chatted with, before class in 8th grade. But with time and experience, they became part of your world. The same will likely happen in college, only right now, you are at the beginning and it is hard to trust that will happen. Keep looking for ways to find shared experience with people who may have similar interests and values, through clubs, volunteering, etc. Service – tutoring kids, volunteering at a pet shelter, joining a service organization on campus, can sometimes help to get us “out of our own head.” It will get better, and more enjoyable. Hang in there!
Hi Tessjane, it might give you some comfort to read some of my threads. My daughter has also been having a difficult time and sounds in a very similar position to you. Lots of people have been giving some very good advice, so have a read through and see if anything resonates with you. I think one thing that is helping my daughter a bit is that things are better than they were, though still far from perfect. Slow improvement is better than the alternative. I know she is keeping busy with one club in particular, because she thinks that she can make better friends with people she is spending a fair amount of time with. Another thing that helped is that she joined a purely sociable club where she is learning to knit. She enjoys knitting and I guess she likes that there is zero pressure. Is there a club like that?
And one more thing, which I have been telling my daughter…“this too shall pass.” One day, when you are through this, you will realize what a truthful phrase that is. Keep it up, you can be strong, and I know it’s hard but you will come through this. You aren’t alone, and many kids are dealing with similar issues. Meanwhile, keep doing what you are doing, it will keep you focused.
P.S. Do your parents know? They should, please share with them.
Part of it is a grieving process. You many be grieving the loss of your former life with your family, dogs, old teachers, and home friends. Life is a journey, and college is one stop on the journey. You can’t get your “old life” back. Even if you moved home it wouldn’t be the same. Maybe if you start thinking of it as a grieving process it will help.
I’ve been in college for almost 3 years and I still hate it. The only peoplease who like college are weekend drunks, slutty people, and dope heads. Those are the ones who just party all and time don’t know what’s going on. The ones who just go to college and learn end up hating college
Well, that’s pretty negative ^^^. Pretty sure that is not the case for the vast majority of non-drinking, non-slutty, non-dope heads. Why on earth would anyone post that to a struggling student? Hope the OP ignores it.
Sorry to hear that is your experience @TehTexasRanger, how sad. I believe some people actually love college because they love to learn and they have been waiting their entire public school lives choose their academic path and for academics to be really interesting and challenging. There are a lot of people, probably many of your professors, in fact, who love college and learning so much that they make working at one, teaching, and doing reasearch their careers.
Education is an amazing opportunity, a gift really. Unfortunately many Americans take it for granted. It isn’t easy, but much of the work behind the successes in life are not easy.
Hi everyone. Thanks for all the replies. @TehTexasRanger I’m so sorry that you have continued to feel bad for so long…at the same time, there are a few people at my school who I know like learning and don’t seem too poorly off. So that gives me a degree of hope that things will turn out okay for me. I am just really struggling in the meantime. @mrpractical Hello again! I did join one extracurricular that I like, but it has only met twice so far. I hope that things will start getting off the ground there more. As for my parents…I don’t feel super comfortable talking about this with them. I told them that I feel somewhat “overwhelmed” but don’t want to go into it farther as I’ve never been so frank with them about my emotions. I have always tended to be the one that’s laid back, nothing bothers me, etc. in my family. @Midwestmomofboys thanks for the advice. I will look into service opportunities.
I have plans tonight with a girl I met during orientation who texted me to say she’s been wanting to hang out with me more (we’re in different dorms and have no classes together so we haven’t had many run-ins since meeting). I don’t know her very well but her reaching out was very encouraging
That is a step in the right direction @tessjane77, hope you have a nice time with your friend.
I can tell you as a parent, I would want my daughter to be honest with me about how she is feeling. One of my jobs as a mom is to be there to support my kid, good or bad, and that is the same job your parents signed up for when they had you. They love you, and even if they can’t take the steps you still are working on for you, they can be there to love you and cheer you on.
@mrpractical I posted it because it was my experience so far. My experience isn’t great not even a Lil bit so I thought it give things a different prospective. College for me has just been yet another miserable experience.