<p>1st off, I am a new member. I have been lurking around here for the past few months...My thoughts on this website is that its very helpful and a lot of people here are very intelligent. Now I'm asking you to read my story (it might be long, I'm typing as I think) and to be honest because I need advice and want you to tell me what you think.</p>
<p>My family is not rich. I do not get along with my dad. We've never had a real bond, not even when I was younger and he would always buy me toys, etc. I was always closer to my mother and then when my parents divorced (I was 8), I had to go live with my relatives (my dad lost his money- he was successful) and then I lost contact with my mother. We had contact, until about 3 years ago when she did not call or visit or anything. I found out that my family had actually threaten her if she tried to reach me. But last July, she came to NY to visit her brother and some other relatives. One of my aunts who was very close to my mother (but also lost contact) heard about this through the grapevine and gave my mom's brother my cell #. My mom called me, we met up, we cried, we talked A LOT and 1 thing she brought up was the divorce...My parents were arranged and though most Chinese parents will stick through it, my mom followed her heart and decided that this man (my dad) was not the "one" for her. I completely understand that and am, honestly, proud that she could leave him because during their separation/divorce, my family was extremely harsh and hurtful to her (they called her s***, etc.) I always knew about that but I was young and did not stand up for myself (now my family won't dare say that in front of my face). My grandmother, who I've always loved, brainwashed me when I was younger into actually avoiding my mother because she "was not my mother". My mom would visit when I was younger and my grandmother & cousins would not open the door and once, me & my cousins snuck out the backyard and went to Toys R Us while my mother tried to see me also after driving about 2 hours to get there. When my mom talked about the divorce, she confirmed that that was true and I don't see why she would want to lie to me so I believe her. Now we speak everyday and I am finding out that she and I are very alike. In fact, growing up, I have always been told that I look like her (I do very much) and that I act like her (I think so too)...</p>
<p>Okay..back to my dad...People in my family say I am very mean to him and do not give him a chance (my cousins treat him how I do btw, but I am his daughter so how I treat him matters more they say). I do think that I am, but sometimes I just think he deserves it. I've called my dad dumb, loser, etc and meant it. He is not rich (he makes like $30,000 from a fast food restaurant, rent (people live under us), does not think before he speaks or will think before he speaks and yet I've answered his question already. He is ALWAYS asking the same question, over and over. It's like he cannot comprehend or understand something unless its repeated to him 50x. Or he is so incredibly stubborn and thinks that he knows everything. It ****es me off and I end up shouting. I just can't believe that I know somebody like this...btw, I am being completely honest. I do not live at home anymore (grandmother decided it was best, and I think so too) and hardly call him. We just don't have anything to talk about (my dad does not speak english, doesn't care for american culture, etc. always talking about china's so great, etc. and I'm not like that) and I don't even ask him for money. My father was also diagnosed with lung cancer over the summer (I consider my summer bittersweet- Mom came back/Dad cancer) and did not work for a few months. He's known in my family (and from my grandmother) as the sick one, meaning that he is always dealing with some sort of illness, bad luck, dumb, etc. People tell me to treat him "better", nicer, etc. But...I can't. I can only treat him how I usually do when I'm dealing with him. I can't pretend to treat someone, only how I feel. I was extremely upset and cried when I was at the hospital and the doctor told me he had cancer but a week later, I was over it. After about 3 months when the doctor said he was cleared to work, back to normal, etc. my dad still did not go to work, or did anything inspiring. He stayed at home, read newspapers all day and watched t.v. He is very lazy @ cleaning up and my stepmom would come home from working and would have to clean for him. I've talked to him about this (and I clean and I'm a VERY organized/clean person) and he doesn't do anything about it and then he goes tell my grandmother (he is a mama's boy too btw) and my grandmother yells at me and says I should behave and treat him better. I do not pity him because a lot of people get cancer or some other life-threatening illness. I do pity that he can't take it upon himself to do something worthwhile and to make the best of it (he went around telling people he had cancer and to modify their ways of living because they didn't want to end up like him with cancer). I just cannot deal with him...and worst is that I AM: intensely loyal to those I am close with and very caring and considerate to them but I can't feel that way with my own father..</p>
<p>Okay now to my other issue..and I'm sorry this is very long and I hope you read it all..</p>
<p>I would describe myself as very loyal, caring, considerate, and generous. But only to those I am close with. Some people say I am a bit too sarcastic, I should learn tact, and that I am a b****. I admit I do treat my close ones differently then others, but aren't people usually like this? I don't want to let my guard down or offer my assistance when the other person won't do the same or treats me without consideration. However if a random person came up to me and asked me for directions or something else, I would be very happy to help them in the best way I could. I am very respectful to adults and of course my teachers. I have never cursed at an adult or lost my temper with them (except with my dad, I guess) and stormed out the classroom, like kids do sometimes. </p>
<p>My private school (paid by my aunt) is not known for its academics, rather for the wealthy people or people who got kicked out of their previous and went here because my school accepts anyone who can pay the $7,500 yearly tuition. I am there on my own choice. I was extremely upset with my old school's administration. They put me in a lot of the wrong classes, did nothing about it when I confronted them about it, did not allow you to take the U.S History Regents in junior year (had to take it in jan. of senior year, they believed it better for the students having extra months to study or whatever. what sense does that make? In senior year you don't take USH! You take economics or some other subject, why would someone want to restudy a whole year of subject?!) were racist and stereotyping (they put me in a class of asian esl students) and I just didn't fit in the school. Not to mention I would walk in the hallways confident but inside, scared because the school was predominantly filled with a lot of gangster wannabes and would have no problem picking on what they deemed just another c**** off the boat. Oh and it was mostly black and hispanic kids, and the ones I were friends with were the "nerds" (we were consider that). And I'm not a racist person, I just didn't fit in with them and was a bit scared when they would openly talk about drugs, violence, etc. So b4 senior year, I got my dad to sign a letter saying I was going to drop out of the school. For the last 2 years (10th & 11th grade), they refused to let me transfer because I HAD GOOD GRADES and they were risking getting the school knocked down or something because their grades were very bad and graduation rate was less then 50%. I was extremely angry and when I was dropping out of there, even my gc said "You deserve better". It was not her fault she couldn't put me in all the classes I should have been (Honors, AP, etc. I have NONE), apparently there wasn't enough "room" or teachers or something. She tried her best and when I left the school, I wrote a letter to her about my frustrations and such and thanked her for doing her best. </p>
<p>When I was at my old school, I would skip about 40-50 days a school year. I loved just not being inside of there. I risked having to go to family court (they thought I was being mistreated...) and expelled. I told them they cannot afford to lose a student like me. Of course I'm not saying I am THE best student, ifact I'm not, but in that school, I was one of their top students. </p>
<p>Also about how I am in school: I am consider intelligent, well spoken and very mature for my age according to my teachers. I have usually hovered around getting C's and D's in Math (I am horrible) and B+'s in Science. Subjects like English, Social Studies and foreign language I have always gotten A's. I did journalism for a bit but it was a class, not a EC. I am very analytical and I make careful, thought out decisions and I think fast. I am known to have a quick tongue and I get along very well with my teachers. We talk about our families, jobs (some of them work more than 1), school, the news, sports, etc. Basically I get along very well with older people. However, throughout my school years, a lot of teachers have talked to me and told me that I do not work as hard as I should and that I am basically, lazy. I think it is because I have a tendency to skip school for a period of days, come back, and ace a test. I am not there for the discussions, etc. I don't do this everyday, I've noticed that it happens around November-December. The rest of the school year, I am there in class everyday. I've been late to class about 4 times throughout 7-12 grade. I HATE being late but for some reason, I can stand not being there at all. And teachers would say its better being 5 minutes late then not there at all. I go to school early, about 30 minutes, and I read. I read my notes, or a book I bought to school. I am a avid reader. I do all my hw, projects, etc. I don't miss deadlines and in group projects, I have been known to be like a nazi..I'm sorry if I offended anybody with that word, its what people really say about me and I'm being honest. I admit I can be a bit too controlling of other people and I assume leadership of everything. I tell people what to do and I am sometimes overly critical. It just happens. Once I asked my teacher to let me out of that group and work by myself because I felt my group was a bunch of idiots. What is wrong with me? </p>
<p>I've never participated in any ec's because I generally did not have time, I had to help out at my dad's restaurant or my grandmother would always want me to go over her house and be with her. Not that I minded that because I love my grandparents and I would hang out and play or whatever. I think that really messed me up. Another reason is because I just didn't seek them out. A lot of my friends did not do ec's or were on the school sports team, etc. I have volunteered though for the homeless and poor with food drives, clothing drives, toy drives, etc. I served elderly people food in a nursing home b4 but it was for a short time because I moved later. Oh and in a way, I volunteered for John Edwards. My cousin volunteered for him and I helped her make flyers, send them out, put them up, etc. We went door to door, etc. I was like 15 or 16. My dream when I was about in 6th grade was to be a powerful lawyer but I think that now that dream is just a dream. don't feel optimistic about that. I think I am smart, but not that smart. I have no idea what I want to do in the future. I LIKE so many things. I want to be a lawyer, a interior designer (btw I can't draw/bad at art, but I am good visualizing and putting furniture together..HGTV is my fave. channel to watch & I love designing houses, like on the Sims game.), marketing/advertiser because I feel I have a way with words and knowing how to make a lasting impression on people. I like talking as well and would like to do Public Relations. </p>
<p>I'm just very confused and worst of all, I didn't even get accepted to ANY of the colleges I applied to. So I have no idea where I am going to school next fall, what I'm going to do. During my college application process, I did everything on time, etc. I could only apply for instate (in my heart I want to go out of state, I feel like I will "really" be living on my own and I want that because I am already very independent) because my dad said he would not pay for out of state. My dad made me apply for EOP programs as well, because he felt that I would get more financial aid. And I think that thats what really got me rejected because I don't have really horrible, terrible, embarrassing grades and of course 4 schools said I did not meet the income standard (too much) so there, rejected. </p>
<p>My gpa is around 86.% On my regents, I got 94 for global history, 96 for english, 84 for biology, 82 for earth science, 75 for math a, 83 in spanish and 91 in french. I don't have any more science classes and I take business math..which is I think what kids take if they can't pass Math B, because I'm very bad in math. I have to take my USH regents this June because my old school did not allow us to take it in junior year.. On my SATS, I received a 560 in verbal, 410 in math and 550 in writing. Pretty bad. ACtually maybe thats why I didn't get accepted to the colleges. I applied to SUNY Albany, SUNY Stony Brook, SUNY Oneonta, SUNY New Paltz, SUNY U.Buffalo, Buffalo State, CUNY Queens and CUNY Baruch. I don't know...I just think I really messed up and I don't know why I didn't do better in the SATS. I studied a lot and went to a summer program for it.. I have mostly elective classes this year, such as Psychology (I love it and am doing really well- 97avg), film (we watch films and analyze them, its easy i have a 96 avg) and art (I told my teacher from day 1 I was horrible @ drawing, etc. but I'll try my best..I have a 93 avg.) and then Senior english and math. For english, I have take 2 extra classes, journalism & College 101 english. Now I'm not going to any colleges as of right now. I applied recently to a community college..it'll be 6-8 weeks until they process everything..if I don't get accepted, which I don't think I will because I applied late, I don't know what to do.
+ I forgot. My school though is not known for its academics, have really good teachers. All of my teachers have master degrees and come from schools such as: NYU, Columbia, UCLA, Cornell, etc. I feel because a lot of these kids don't care, they do bad. And then people just say oh thats a horrible school. But the teachers are excellent. They're smart, well-educated, open-minded, helpful, don't just sit in their chair all day, etc.
WOW this was really long and I am tearing a bit..I'm sorry.. If you read all this, thank you..</p>