I am a rising sophomore studying at USC. I have a 3.92 GPA, involve in many academic clubs, and won a scholarship not long ago. I feel like I am doing pretty good academically speaking, and I know this is not bad because my parents are paying me for college.
But I don’t enjoy my time here. I just don’t fit in. People keep saying that college is the best 4 years of their lives, but apparently it is unlikely to be my case. I don’t know what to do and feel so empty right now. How can I fix this?
I think the college experience is overrated. It’s just partying for the most part, and if that’s not you’re thing then don’t worry about it. Just do well so you can get a good job and make a good circle of friends through clubs and activities to hang out with, which sounds like exactly what you’re doing.
What makes you think this way? You can try finding a close companion? maybe ring up some old high school friends and have a weekend off.
How sad would it be if “college is the best 4 years of your life”! the best is over by 22?!
College- like high school- is a particular stage of life, in which you are (or should be) learning and growing into your self. Done well, there should be some highs and some lows, some fun parts, some hard work, some moments when you feel on top of the world and some challenges that you aren’t quite sure how you are going to get through- until you have.
You have built up the academic side of your life (and congrats on a great GPA, btw)- but apparently not the social side. Has that part always been hard for you? I get that USC may not be a perfect fit for you - but it is too big a place for you not to be able to find any kindred spirits.
Make an appointment at the counseling center - now! - and tell them that you are depressed and feel empty inside. There are people who can help you sort through this Letting go of unrealistic expectations is a start, but it seems as if this is more than that.
I’m sorry to hear you’re not enjoying college as much as you had hoped. I went to USC my freshman year, and transferred to UCSB for the remaining 3 years (UCSB accepted sophomore transfers at the time…not sure if that’s still the case). Are you part of the Greek System by chance at USC? Have you made any strong friendships? is there something you can pinpoint to not “feeling” right at USC? For me, although I had a great academic experience at USC, I found the “university of spoiled children” stereotype to be somewhat true, and didn’t find a peer group that I immediately connected with. At UCSB, I found like-minded people almost immediately and ended up having the best “3” years of my life. I’m hoping you find your way at USC, but have peace in knowing you can create other options for yourself if it ends up not being the right fit.
I feel bad for the people who say that college is the best four years of your life. Almost as bad as I feel for the people who peaked in high school.
College is work. It just is.
Any of the other expectations people put on it are unhelpful at best and destructive at worst.
It’s up to you to create things in your life right now that make you happy and make you feel connected. Nobody’s going to do it for you-you fill yourself up, or you stay empty.
Once you separate the work (college) from the fun (finding and building connections), life gets better.
I say stick it out…You may feel like you fit in better during your sophomore year, as you start taking more courses directed towards your major - people you may have more in common with.
I have no stats to back it up, but I bet there are a ton of students who, like you, feel let down and a bit sad about college after all the hype in senior year about picking the perfect place for the “best four years of your life.” (But I bet most of them keep it a secret, because they think there must be something wrong with them for feeling so lost and let down.) Try talking to a counselor if you can. A group session, in particular, might help you to realize you are not alone with these feelings.
Good luck!
Don’t worry about the claim of college being the best 4 years of your life. I have found that most of the times I look back on in my life most fondly, I wasn’t quite aware at the time how great they were. It’s hard to really enjoy college for all it is with constant deadlines, studying, cramming for exams, etc. The best thing you can do is take a break every now and then and do something that is only available to you while you’re at USC. I don’t know the area at all otherwise I could make recommendations, but there’s got to be some places/events that are 100% USC and can remind you why you chose that school. If not, perhaps you can look into a different school? College won’t be a pleasure cruise, but there’s no reason why there aren’t moments where you think, “wow, I’m really lucky to be experiencing this right now.”
Thanks for all the replies. They are really helpful. And thankfully summer is coming, so I can take a break away from the schoolwork and recharge a little bit.
But I think I forgot to mention something crucial: I actually applied for USC as a safety school. That being said, I know USC is a good school, but it is simply not my first choice. Perhaps that’s why I can’t find my sense of belonging here. I feel like I only treat USC as a workplace, instead of my alma mater-to-be. Should I learn to settle with the fact that I am studying at USC? But in the meantime, I think I deserve better - so should I apply for transfer?
Please bear with my ignorance, immaturity, or anything that has offended you. I am just a little lost and being very very honest with you guys.
How would you define “better”? What does better look like to you? That’s the crux of it.
The way I see it, it’s work hard for 4 years and have an easy life or have an easy 4 years and work hard for the rest of your life.
“College is the best 4 years of your life” is said by people who peaked in college-- really just slightly smarter versions of the people who peaked in high school.
Don’t have a bad time, but realize the more you work now the less you will have to work later. Keep the end goal in mind and keep chugging.
People always say that the four years of college are the best years of your life,but thats not true.Im a first year college student ,so i get the struggle.Its is really hard to succeed at everything,academically and socially.Be happy youre succeeding academically and just try to involve yourself in activities as youre doing.
There are many times i feel down too, especially after joining college. Just try to keep yourself happy as much as possible:)
Transferring is hard, too. You have to start over making new friends when everyone else already has them. I think the issue is in your head – you think you should have gotten into a “better” school, and can’t let it go. If I were your parent, I would not be supporting transferring. Dig in at USC – stop thinking that the grass is greener elsewhere.
You deserve the college you got into. Thinking you are too good for the school you are attending is anathema to success.
I just finished my first year myself, although I’m not a student at USC. For much of my first year, I related so much to your experience. It took me a while to really feel comfortable and establish a strong friend group. Honestly, my advice is to get involved. If you’re already involved in student orgs, spend the summer re-evaluating things. Are the organizations you’re involved in truly interesting to you? What other groups might you want to check out? You mentioned that you were involved in academic clubs. Do you truly enjoy these clubs? Are the people in them the types of people you would want to get to know better? Are there any non–academic clubs you would want to join? Honestly, joining student orgs is how I met my closest two friends at school, and it’s a really great way to meet people. I would really suggest doing some research about ways for you to get more involved, so you can meet people who have at least ONE thing in common with you. I’m not going to lie-making friends during your sophomore year might be a little more challenging than during the first semester of your freshman year, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. You might have to work a little harder to break into already established friend groups, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. There will ALWAYS be people looking to make new friends, you just have to put yourself out there and find the people you feel most comfortable with.
With regards to transferring: the school I go to wasn’t my first choice, either, so I understand that feeling of wondering “what could have been.” (FWIW, the school I go to was around my second or third choice out of 6 colleges I applied to.) I wouldn’t say to completely rule out transferring, but I think you should at least attempt to enter your second year with “arms wide open.” Let go of the fact that this was a safety school, and just allow yourself to experience things WITHOUT wondering how your experience could be different if you had ended up at a different school. Work to establish a strong, supportive group of friends. Continue working hard academically. Try to have as many fun experiences as you can. At the end of the first semester, (or whenever you think might be an appropriate time,) think about your experiences and decide if you still want to consider transferring. While there’s a chance that USC isn’t a good fit for you, there’s also the chance that once you become more involved and let go of the “what ifs,” you will decide that you want to stay.
FINALLY, I second the idea to go to counseling. You really aren’t alone in these feelings, but people hide that side of themselves. Contact your school’s counseling center and see what they offer. Talking these things out face to face is REALLY helpful.
I know this response was long, but these are the things that helped me to make it through my first year. I still struggle a lot with feeling lonely and like I don’t fit in, and I’m going to be honest: in certain circles I DON’T fit in. But the great thing about college is that there are so many other people that after some searching I have managed to find a strong group of friends that I DO fit in with. As a rising sophomore myself, I hope to God that college isn’t going to be the “best” four years of my life, because that means the rest of my life will suck. But just because college won’t be the BEST four years of your life doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t put in some work to make sure that these aren’t the WORST four years of your life.
Grades, social life, and sleep. Pick 2.
@waveman, did you come into the school with the idea that you would do well and then evaluate whether you wanted to stay or transfer? That can hold you back. I think that the only way you can really find your fit at any school is by throwing yourself, fully, into the experience. What do you think is holding you back? If you were advising someone else, what would you advise that person to do to find the best possible life at the school? Is there a counseling center or a peer advising network with whom you can talk things over?
It’s not uncommon for a student to feel the way you do during his first year of college. Get involved, seek some guidance, and see if things haven’t improved by the end of next semester.
You raise some good questions. I honestly think counseling will help you answer these questions, clarify your feelings and what to do about all this. I’m not going to say whether or not you should stay or transfer. Transferring may very well be the better option but I don’t think CC can help you make that decision.
@3girls3cats Well, I would be lying if I said I had never thought about it. Yes, the idea of transferring certainly has occupied my mind for quite a while, but I have not give it a serious deliberation. But I agree with what you said. Maybe it is just that I have not tried hard enough and hence feeling like an “outsider” as a self-imposed identity.
Thank you for all you guys advice and suggestions. I will definitely go to see the counselor after the summer break, and I hope that I can find the solution to my problem, be it transferring or fixing my attitude.
I don’t think you’ll ever feel happy about your college choice and get the most out of these years, until/unless you get over feeling like you “settled.” Sometimes where you end up may not be what you dreamed about or envisioned for so many years. If you can come to believe in your gut that perhaps you are where you’re “meant to be,” the prospects will look different. If you don’t think you can get there, perhaps transferring might be wise, if you can.